The Girl In The Suit

Anne

We finally reach home at half past 10, and we can't believe we went to a 6 hour long birthday party. Well, I can't, as I used to never go to them because I'd get an anxiety attack. It was amazing though.

When we walk in to the sitting room, Alison is there as usual watching Netflix. "Story?", I greet loudly. Gemma rolls her eyes in amusement and Alison gives me a small smile.

"How was the party?", she asks quietly.

"Great.", we say in sync.

She gives me a small smile again, and says, "That's great."

Gemma and I look at each other and our expressions drop. "Ali, what's wrong?", I ask.

She sighs. "Girls, sit down."

We sit down on the couch and Alison pauses the TV.

"So, I know that it's just been the three of us for a while, and it's going to stay that way."

I furrow my eyebrows. "I thought Ma and Da were away in Spain for a work thing."

"Well, they aren't coming back."

"Why? Are they stuck over there?", Gemma asks with a concerned look.

"Nope, but they are stuck in the dark ages." She sounds angrier.

"You're scaring me, Ali."

I notice a tear rolling down her cheek and she wipes it away.

"I don't know how, but Mam found out that you're bisexual, and she told dad. They just took off to Jesus only knows where. She rang me earlier to inform me that unless you magically stop liking girls and get Gem out of the house that shes not coming back. Well, I love you genuinely so I tried talking sense into her. Long story short, she disowned the both of us. I'm so sorry, girls, I should've told you what was really going on."

My heart drops to the floor. Suddenly, I feel that anxiety attack from earlier coming back and anger swelling up. I stand up.

"Well, tough shit! Did anyone in this room really believe the family would stay together after I came out? No, because I'm part of the most religious family in town. I'm that girl who got a wooden spoon to the arse by my father because I was pro choice. I'm that girl who has to hide every one of my suits because all of the family is embarrassed because I act 'too masculine'. I'm that girl who's fucking bi, and has had to hide it for years. Now when things are finally going my way, when I have friends who care about me, a girlfriend, I'm just thrown away like, Oh, never mind the past 15 years of your life, we don't love you anymore. Why the fuck did I ever think I'd have a smooth coming out with them. Why was I so stupid? Why did I think they might put their beliefs aside for once and accept their daughter? I don't think there is a God or a Jesus anymore, because they're supposed to help me, not treat me like shit! And if they are up there, they better fucking show themselves."

"Anne-", Gemma starts as she puts her hand on mine but I slap it away.

"I'll be back in one minute."

I run up the stairs into my room, and I grab my rosary beads, Communion and Confirmation certificates, baptismal candle, my baptism certificate and photo of Jesus. I rush back down the stairs into the sitting room where the girls stare at me with white faces. I drop everything on the floor.

I pick up my baptism certificate. "I was baptised into the family of God." I bend it over and rip it, and Alison screams my name in terror. "Now I'm not. Why? Because its bullshit." I pick up my baptismal candle next. "This is supposed to be some special candle, yet you can buy one anywhere. It isn't even scented. Its bullshit again." I toss it in the waste basket, and Gemma grabs my arm and I slap it away again. I proceed to pick up my Communion certificate. "Ah, a lovely memory of the day I had to force my body into an ugly uncomfortable white dress even though y'all knew I wanted the white suit but told me to 'get over it'. And then everyone had shit to say about that and I ended up having an anxiety attack at the mass. But no one cared. Because it was all bullshit." I crumple it up and put it in the waste basket. "I won't go on, but basically, all these pieces of fuckin paper are supposed to be symbols of a loving and inclusive religion, as long as you're straight, of course, otherwise, go fuck yourself. Its all bullshit! Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!"

I'm full on screaming and crying now, repeating "bullshit" all over again, and the last thing I remember is Alison crying and me breaking down in Gemma's arms before I pass out.