The Girl In The Suit

Tasha

June 23rd, 2016

After Hayley, Amelia, Caoimhe and Kate are gone home, I go back into the kitchen and pour a glass of Pepsi and cut myself a slice of cake. I hear my parents yell my name and I go into the sitting room.

"Yes?", I say.

"Can you sit down, please?", my dad says. I sit down between them.

"What's wrong?", I ask with concern.

"So, considering you're now 13, we think you're old enough to know and understand this.", my mother says.

"Understand what?"

My dad takes a breath and looks at my mother. I'm getting really scared now.

"Natasha, sweetie, the truth is that we're not your biological parents.", he says carefully.

"What do you mean?"

"Tasha, you're adopted."

I drop my glass on the floor.

June 22nd, 2019

"Tasha! Are you OK?"

My eyes shoot open and I see Gabrielle beside me. I'm panting and I'm in a pool of sweat.

She pushes some hair behind my ear and it calms me a bit. "Bad dream?"

"More of a flashback.", I say, still breathing heavily.

"Oh, yeah.", she says softly. "It's that time of year."

"Yeah."

"Tell you what though? Tomorrow, we're all going to have a great day at Funderland and you're not going to let that cow get to you. Its your day, not hers. We're going to ride all the rides until we're sick and we're going to have the best day. You have a group of people around you who love and care for you and that's who you should focus on."

I smile up at her. "Yeah, you're right. I'll do that."

She smirks. "That's the spirit, T." She kisses my forehead and we fall back asleep.

🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

"Uh uh. No way, no how."

"Come on, Gemma! You have to live a little."

"I live a lot, and I plan to keep it that way by not going up on that death machine!"

"Come on! I'll buy you a churro if you go up with us."

"Ugh, ok, Tasha. But you better get me that churro before the day is out."

We go up onto the ride after showing our wristbands and before we take off, Gabrielle holds my hand. She gets nervous at the start of these rides but once it's taken off, shes in her element. Once we take off, she's cheering asking for it to go faster which it does a short time later. I join in with her cheering and I see Gemma with her head back and her eyes shut, just wanting it to be over. Amelia and Caoimhe are screaming their heads off in fear and Hayley is joining in with our cheering. When the ride stops, I'm so dizzy that I fall into Gemma's arms and she laughs as she straightens me up.

I look out of the corner of my eye as I see Gabrielle glaring at me.

Suddenly, I'm feeling really nervous under her stare. Is she mad at me? Did I do something wrong?

The rest of the group walks over to the terminator and I stay back away with Gabrielle.

"Gabby, is everything OK?", I ask.

"Yeah, why?"

"You seemed upset after the ride. I'm asking again, is everything OK?"

"Guys, you go on without us, we'll go on the next one with ye!", she calls and Anne gives a thumbs up. We're next to a churro stand and she orders 2 small ones.

"Gabby, why are you doing this?", I ask, feeling scared now.

"Doing what?"

"Ordering churros? Missing the Terminator? Acting all pissed? What's up?"

We are given our churros and she thanks the woman. She hands me mine. We begin to walk.

"It's just.........you and Gemma have been looking very cosy lately is all."

Really? Is that what this is about? Why she's so upset?

"Cmon Gabby. You really think I'd cheat on you with Gemma? Shes just my best friend and she's going through shit at the moment and I'm being there to support her. I have never and will never feel about her the way I feel about you. Ok? No need to get upset."

She looks up from the ground at me and smiles.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry, Tash."

"You're good, Gabs." I look at her before opening up my arms and saying, "Come here, you.", in a baby voice. She smiles as she comes into my arms. I wrap them around her.

"I'm never gonna leave you, Gabs. I can promise you that." I kiss the side of her forehead and we stay like that for a while.

"There you guys are! Now wouldja stop with the PDA and come with us to the Extreme? The line is down."

Amelia, if you ever change, I will cry.

We separate and Gabrielle intertwines our fingers as we follow the girls to the ride.

🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

"Wait, so she thought we were cheating on our girlfriends together?"

"Yeah. It's all ok though, I cleared it up with her. I haven't even had sex so I can't cheat, can I?"

"I mean, it's possible, ya know. I'm not too sure." She sighs. "I actually think I'm asexual."

My eyes shoot up at her. "Really? So you don't like Anne anymore?"

"I do, but I just don't want to go all the way with her. Or anyone. I know I'm young and everything, but most people our age are losing their virginities ie, Kate. But I think I can ever only love her with my heart, and never sexually. It just kinda disgusts me to think about doing it. Sorry, that was random."

"No, Gemma, its alright. There's nothing wrong with you. It's totally normal to be like this. Maybe someday you will, maybe you never will. Whatever the case, you'll be ok."

She smiles up at me. "Thanks, Tasha. You're a lifesaver."

"That's what best friends are for." I pat her on the back. "So, if you're confused about labels and stuff, I think I have one for you."

"Really?" She raises an eyebrow. "What is it?"

"So, hear me out. There's romantic attraction and theres sexual attraction. If you're romantically and sexually attracted to the opposite sex, you just say heterosexual, the same, homosexual, and so on. But there are some people who might love the same sex romantically, or both, or the opposite, but never sexual attraction. So, if you're only into dating girls, but not into having sex with them, you can identify as homoromantic and asexual. Or if you're into both, biromantic and asexual, boys, heteroromantic and asexual. You get the gist. So, what do you think suits you best?"

She purses her lips in thought. "I think I'm homoromantic. I used to think I was bi but to be honest, I've dated a guy before and I was never into it. I had a crush on Anne while we were dating. Is it OK if I call myself gay though?"

"Of course! It's your identity. I'm just here to help, not to say what you can and can't identify as."

She smiles before she wipes a tear from her eye.

"Gemma, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, it's just,", she sniffles, "its like this huge weight has been lifted off of me. I thought there was something wrong with me. You don't understand how grateful I am right now, Tasha."

I smile at her before I put an arm around her shoulders. Yet another reason why they call me mammy.

I think I'll be a counsellor one day. I think it would suit me.