The Girl In The Suit

Gemma

After my conversation with Tasha last week, I've felt relief, but I was thinking night and day about how to tell Anne. I mean, she is a teenager, she is most likely thinking about sex. I really hope I don't upset her when I tell her there isn't a chance I will ever give her that.

I rang Tasha this morning to tell her that I was going to tell her today. She fell out of the bed and rang me back a minute later to confirm she was ok and to wish me luck. That girl is gas.

Freddie and I moved back in with our parents the day after Tashas birthday. I figured that I can't avoid them forever and I can't live with Gemma and Ali forever. It's been good so far, they're nice just like they were before this mess started and my mother was trying to order me a dress for the Junior Cert Ball, which I forgot all about. It's in 3 weeks, but I told her Anne and I would go down to Susza and I can get a dress and she can get a suit. They're in full support of Anne and I and the fact that I'm a Christian now.

I rang Anne this morning and we are meeting up at Spar in 10 minutes. Its 1:50 right now, and we arranged to meet at 2. She went downtown early to help Hayley with picking a dress. Funny how she asked the one girl we know who hates dresses more than anything.

I say goodbye to Freddie and my parents who are outside at 5 to and I walk down to Spar. I see her sitting at the table with 2 hot chocolate cups and she waves when she sees me. I smile and walk inside the shop.

"Hey.", she says, standing up and walking over to me to greet me with a kiss. We smile before she motions to the table. "Wanna sit down?" I nod my head.

I pick up my hot chocolate and take a sip. Anne speaks again.

"So, this morning on the phone, you said you wanted to talk about something. What's up?"

I wrap my hands around the cup and take a nervous breath. "Promise you won't freak?"

"Of course not. What would be so bad that I'd react badly?"

I take another breath before saying, "I  don't know, maybe the fact that your girlfriend is asexual?"

She raises one eyebrow. "What do you mean, Gem? Doesn't ace mean you're not into anyone?"

"Usually, yeah, but mine is more complicated than just that. If you want me to be more specific, I'm a homoromantic asexual. That means I'm into girls but I don't have any desire to have sex with anyone."

"Ok. Is that all?"

"Basically, yeah. I thought I was bi my entire life but I didn't feel anything with Joseph a few years ago. Romantic or sexual. Like, yeah, he's sweet and nice, but I only ever thought of him as a friend. And I love the bones off of you, but I just feel weirded out whenever I think about doing that kinda stuff. It's nothing against you, I've never thought that way about anyone. A few months ago, the girls forced me to watch a porno and I got sick in the toilet a few seconds in. They all laughed at me. They then turned on a lesbian one, same result. I do truly love you, just not that way. I'm so sorry."

She grabs my hand from across the table. "Don't apologize, Gem. Theres nothing wrong with you. I love you for whoever and whatever you are. Never doubt that."

I heavily sigh as a tear rolls down my cheek.

"Gem, what's wrong?"

I start crying. "I'll never be able to give you that. And you shouldn't have to miss out on it."

"Gemma, I told you it's ok. I love-"

"And I love you too. It's just, you shouldn't have to miss out on miss out on something just because I'm not into it." I start sobbing before I say the next thing. "Which is why I think we should break up."

She looks at me in shock and then takes my two hands. "No, Gemma, there's no need for that. I would live my entire life as a virgin if it meant I'd be with you. You don't have to do this."

"Then I just need a break!" I take my hands out of hers.

"A break from what?"

"A break from relationships. A break away from love. A break away from the girl I've been crazy about for years. I just need time to get used to all this."

Theres a silence as she looks dead at me.

"Ok.", she finally says. "I can't do this anymore anyway. Why did I ever think dating my bully would ever work out?" She gets out of her seat. "I'm done." She walks out the shop door before I try to stop her.

I walk out of the shop and I watch her as she walks away and turns around the corner and disappears. I'm not even ashamed of the tears running down my face. I slide down the wall and bury my head in my knees as I hear everyone walk past me.