Lost in your grip

Chapter 35 | Battle scars

We got inside our house. "Why did you do this?" He asked. "Because I....I hate who I am...." I muttered as tears ran down my face. He looked at me with sadness in his eyes. "Have you....have you thought about....suicide?" He asked as he teared up. I looked down and started crying more. He walked over to me and put his arms around me. I backed away. "Is it because of me?" He asked. "I can't do this." I said as I went upstairs and changed into my clothes. I ran back downstairs. He grabbed me by my waist. "You aren't going alone." He said. "I need to be....you should not be with someone like me..." I said. "What's that supposed to mean?" He asked. "We need a break okay just....stay away from me....I'm just gonna get you killed..." I said as I walked out the door. I started to cry more as I started walking down the street. I had no sense of direction. I just kept walking. I turned my phone off.

I don't wanna say it. I don't wanna say it....I don't wanna say goodbye....but we have to....I'm used to it all.....I'm used to finding someone and go losing it....I tell them that 'I'm fine, don't you worry at all'.

I decided to turn on my phone. He called and I answered.

"What's going on Clem?" He asked. "It's not our time Louis....I'm such a mess..." I said. "Okay you've gone crazy. Don't you get it? We were meant to be." He said. "And don't you get it? There's a reason I met you...You don't think that I get you?Ask me why I'm trying...it's because I think that you're special, you're embedded in my mind...Only you, nobody else..." I said. "You have a love so deep you trust the wrong guys and I understand it more than anyone..." He said. I started to cry. "You and I were broken around the same time Clem.." He said. "My mind is saying 'leave you' but my heart says 'no'...." I said. He sighed into the phone. "You made your choice...but I can't seem to let go..." He said. My heart started to hurt. Flashbacks of us hit me like a wave. "I know it hurts, it's just not our time Louis....there's so much about me you don't know and won't understand." I said. "Do you know what you're saying?" He asked. "I know you're lying every time when you tell me you're fine...They'll never look at you...the way I look at you..." He said. I couldn't help but to say, "I love you..." "I love you too Clementine, please....come home." He said. I hung up.

I started crying. I plugged in my earphones. I started listening to my depression playlist full of Xxxtentacion. I ignored all calls and texts from everyone. I wanted to be alone.

2 weeks later
Louis' POV
She's been gone for 2 weeks. No one has heard from her. She's been ignoring everyone's calls and texts. She's hit rock bottom and she's been alone too long. Her car is gone and so is her stuff. She must have picked it up when I wasn't home. I need to find Clementine before it's too late. I invited Brody, Marlon, and Vi over. "Where the fuck could she be?" I panicked. "Relax Lou, we'll find her." Marlon reassured me. "She couldn't have gone far, right?" Brody asked. "I think I know where she is." Vi said. We all looked at her. "She might be in Vegas. She did say she wanted to go back." Vi said. "Shit, that's the suicide capital of the country..." I said. Their faces went blank. "Wait! I have her location on my phone, remember Snapchat has the friends location thingy." Brody said. We looked at Brody's phone. "She's in....LA?" I asked. "Looks like it." Marlon said. "Looks like I'm going back home." I said. "Grab your stuff, we are leaving in an hour. I'm booking us a flight." I said. "We are getting Clem back." I said.

Clementine's POV
I can't fucking do this anymore...I need him...I miss him, Rosie, Marlon, Brody, Violet, Minnie, AJ, Mom, Dad, I miss everything. I miss Georgia... I looked at my phone. I called Louis.

"Oh my god, where are you? I'm coming to get you." He said. I started to cry. "Louis...I'm coming home..." I said. "I miss spending all our day with our dog on the couch, the parties, the sleepovers, the truth or dare games, the dirty jokes, just everything. I'm sorry....I'm sorry for everything I put you through...I'm sorry for the things that I said to you....I'm sorry for the way that I am to you.....I'm sorry.....I'm sorry because I know that I let you down... " I said. I started crying on the phone. "Hey, don't apologize baby girl, Marlon, Brody, Vi and I are coming to get you. I already bought us plane tickets to LA. Just relax. I know how you feel." He said. "I'm just sorry that I left you....I was going through so much and my mind was in a different place." I said. "I love you so much Clementine."He said. "I love you so much more Louis." I said. I hung up and got in my car. I drove to a house that I've been staying at. I walked in. "Hello Darling." A voice said. "Don't fucking talk to me like you know me you sick fuck." I snarled. "Oh that's not a nice thing to say, Clementine." He said. "You left me! You left us! You expect me to be nice to you after you called me after my graduation?! I don't even know how the fuck you got my number! You left! You fucking abandoned us!" I yelled. I went into the room I've been sleeping in and slammed the door. "Clementine, I'm sorry baby." He said. I opened the door. "Sorry? You wanna say sorry? You don't get to say sorry! Sorry doesn't fix shit!" I yelled. I slammed the door in his face.

I can't believe I'm staying with this asshole. I am broke though and he paid for my gas and I don't have to pay for a hotel or food. For once he's being useful. What a dickhead.

(Who is Clem with? Why did she leave Georgia? Louis? Her family and friends? What is going on with her? I love you all and thank you so much. ~Cameron)