A Lovers Revenge

Chapter Twenty-Three

Hey guy,  thank you all for the efforts in feedback and increasing the reads xo after ive finished the novel, i am going to edit the "private" (rated r) chapters so they become pg since one of my best friends cant read it :( speaking of which, hey bestfriend :) if youre reading i need you to know it means the world to me that you are finally reading a novel...especially one ive written, i hope you love it and give me the truth! I LOVE YOU <3 XO please remember to vote and comment guys :* xo 

Chapter 23

After the talk with Alex I realise how much of a dick I really am. I am so deluded with my own thoughts and insecurities that I haven’t even begun to think how Isabelle truly sees me. I know she loves me, she does. Maybe I was only letting her go for my own good. Protecting myself; creating a wall between myself and love. I didn’t even consider her side of this.

I contemplate what to say, I forced Alex to be Isabelle so I could have a run through of how I’m going to beg for forgiveness and my own stupidity.

A month is the longest I’ve ever gone without hearing from her.

I think about all the times I told her I loved her and to never leave me…I never thought of the possibility of me leaving her.

I wanted her to hate me so she could maybe move on with someone better, someone who could provide her everything I can’t.

Regardless of our physical connection…I have always loved her for her. Not her body…as fantastic as it is, I could survive without having sex with her. I don’t need to be inside her for me to know she loves me or I love her.

It’s the fact, she looks into my eyes every morning and each time she blinks, the love she has for me increases. Her eyes go brighter by the minute, when she says my name my heart warms. She is a blanket in which I bury myself; she is my escape from all the nonsense in my life. I have discovered there is more to me than meets the eye, maybe someone can love me, maybe I am worthy of love. Maybe all this time I have been insecure is because I always thought how shallow society is. The fact that young teenagers want to marry someone who resembles Channing Tatum, in fact someone who is Channing Tatum, or Channing Tatum himself is a repulsive idea for young girls to have. They will solely hand over their virginity on a platter because of his looks, they don’t care if they get treated like crap, to them, being with someone who people are envious off is a big achievement; which is the shallowest thing to consider, marrying a man based on his looks regardless of his personality which could be the worst thing imaginable. Would you want to give your daughter to a man who looks like Zac Efron but inside has a personality like Jimmy Saville? Someone who would violate your daughter for the fun of it? Someone who not only would mistreat your daughter but mistreat you too?

People like that are incapable of love, they haven’t been loved before, they haven’t experienced wanting to be with someone or maybe they have but didn’t accomplish their goals.

I stare at myself in the mirror, my reflection peering into my soul.

“Why you? Why would anyone want to love you? I don’t understand Isabelle…why was she with Jason in the first place if he mistreated her? Did she succumb to the inevitable and had sex with him because he was good looking? Is she like the others? Do I trust her with my heart enough for her not to break it?”

I say aloud all the questions running through my head. I ramble on for hours, wanting to get all of it out there. Hoping that I can get an answer as to why someone would love me.

As I’ve said many times before…I am ugly.

I take off my glasses and stare at the blurry image before me.

Isabelle had taken a picture with me standing behind her; she called it a “selfie”. I laughed when she told me it’s something everyone does nowadays, apparently “selfie” trends throughout the entire world and there is now a dictionary definition for it.

My hands tremble, as do my knees. I fall to the ground and sob.

I didn’t even hear my mother approach me; she slid down the wall beside me and cradled my head which lay on her lap. Her soothing words calmed me, my heavy sobbing had downed. My body didn’t heave with loud cries; I lay silently on her lap, contemplating my life in a nutshell.

I am a lost boy with no guidance and no role model. I need love…I want love…I crave love. But not just any love…love that comes from her, her love, her passion…her everything. I can’t go another day without her…whether she’ll have me back or not, I don’t care. If I don’t try to get her back, what’s the point in love?

These feelings I have aren’t going to go away, I doubt I’ll find anyone who is as loving as her, who can love me for me regardless of my ugliness and horrible spots. 

***wasn't the best i know but i am building to something...please do not stop reading XD Be patient and reccomend my novel to your friends <3 xoxo