Malen'kaya Zemlya [2] [P. Parker]

2.11 Shards

I had never sworn so loud.

I let out a stream of curse words so vulgar and furious that all my friends backed away.

When I was done, I punched the wall, the one Renée had dragged her nails down the first time I'd been there, and stormed out, kicking Svetlana's body on my way out.

I jumped into the van and sat there, breathing heavily and tears in my eyes.

I tilted my head to the ceiling and blinked furiously, determined not to let a single tear fall.

"Ash?" Renée asked quietly, knocking on the door of the van. "You good?"

"Yeah, I'm completely fine, Renée." I snapped sarcastically, turning my head to her and frowning. "I didn't just kill anyone or anything."

I shut down my repulsors properly as she sat next to me in the passenger seat. Her arm wrapped around my shoulders.

"That wasn't your fault," she said quietly. "He was going to kill Ryker. You did the right thing."

"Did I? Did I really? We lost Svetlana, our only lead on HYDRA, and I blasted a hole through someone. Did I really do the right thing?" I asked waspishly.

"You did the only things you could. You were the only one who could save Ryker's life and you did." Renée reassured me.

"But at what cost?" I asked, forcing back tears. "What cost to us, to me?"

Renée was silent for a while. "I'm not sure."

It was a mostly silent ride back to the airport.

I was sat in the front with Wanda and my hands shook.

I had put my suit away, so no one else was in danger of me and my powers.

My fingers were pulling at the hem of my shirt, jerking it down and tugging it.

Wanda reached over and took my hand, stopping me. "Don't do that, you'll rip your shirt."

I was silent. So? What was the big deal if I ripped my shirt?

She pressed a button after letting my hand go and a divider rose up, separating the front and the back.

"It's not your fault," she said.

I scoffed. "Yeah, that's what Renée said too."

"She's right though."

"Yeah, but it doesn't make anything any easier."

We were silent, the only sound being the rumbling of the engine and the wheels on the road.

"I have an idea," Wanda said eventually.

I looked at her, my eyebrows raised. "Oh? And what would that be?"

She laughed. "No need to sound so condescending. What if you become a new superhero?"

I frowned. "How does that work? I'm still the same person."

"But you're not. Terra is a slightly naive girl who has never killed, gone on the run or gone back in freaking time. You're not Terra anymore. You're something bigger, something stronger. Something better." Wanda declared.

I felt my spirits lift a little bit and hope settled in my heart. "Then who, what, am I?"

She thought for a second.

"Gaia."

I raised a brow. "That's the exact same as Terra but Greek."

"So you do know mythology." Wanda teased.

"Yeah," I laughed. "What made you think I didn't?"

"Nothing, but I made you laugh," Wanda grinned.

I shook my head. "Sneaky. Gaia sounds good."

"It sounds stronger," she added.

"It sounds more like who I am now." I agreed.

"To new beginnings," she said as she lifted an unopened water bottle from the cooler we'd found in the back. Even HYDRA soldiers need to stay hydrated.

"To new beginnings," I replied with a soft, but still sad, smile, lifting my own bottle and taking a swig. "And to good friends."

(A/N)

*sobs*

My baby is sad.

What have I done?

aaaaaaaaahhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

However, Gaia is born so that's a good thing I guess.

-lost_in_a_book__