The Blurred Line

Day 35 and Day 36

Because I'm back home and actually spend most of the time asleep, I thought I would post a few outlines of the days together. I think snappy and sweet posts are better from here on in except when I have a particularly exciting day. In this post, you get two for the price of one. I'm so far behind on posts and can only apologise! My just giving page has now expired so I have replaced the link with the just giving page Mountain Rescue Torridon and Kinlochewe already has. On the page I set up, we managed to raise £3573 which is a fantastic amount so thank you so much!!! Special mention to the Manchester Medic's Orchestra and Choir for raising £281.20 from their wonderful Spring concert last Friday and The Univeristy of Manchester Dance Society for raising £400 from their fantastic dance show a couple of weeks ago. So to sum up, you can still donate and it goes straight to Mountain Rescue Torridon and Kinlochewe.

Day 36

Susanna's actual birthday today!!!! Mega happy birthdays little sis - love you so much!!! Sad you're in Surrey but hope you enjoy your night in with your housemates and Dominoes!!!

Today was my second physio session but the first physio session where I knew what I was going to expect so, it might sound weird, I actually felt more excited to go. I did the same exercises but just a little bit longer and chatted to another lady who is a double amputee. It was nice to go into the Transport Lounge and be recognised by the ladies working at the desk straight away so all I needed to do was park up. I was well chuffed except that there wasn't anyone in the transport lounge to talk to so I read War and Peace and, because of the drugs I'm on, I read the same page over and over again I think for an entire hour.

When I got back, Helen met me outside and made me a cup of tea. I don't know whether I've said but tea is genuinely the best medicine. I was so sleepy after physio – I'd already had a nap in the ambulance. It wasn't very comfortable though as whenever I dropped off, my head would lull back into nothing as my wheelchair just doesn't have a high enough back to nap (design flaw!) so I would wake up again – disaster! Back at home and drinking our teas, at the end of April going on May after a bit of a sunny spot, it started snowing! We genuinely couldn't believe it! Weather what is going on?? It didn't even last that long as if Olaf (from Frozen) had walked by with his own personal snow flurry. Dad also had the afternoon off to look after me.

At 3pm, Lucy came round, followed by an old friend Ellie a little later. I felt like a little girl showing off my new bedroom to two of my oldest mates, gorging on chocolates, giggling and sharing stories of hospital wards and the patients you can find on them (Lucy and Ellie are nurses and then I guess I was one of those helpless patients on the ward not that long ago). Lucy has donated a ridiculous amount of money to my Just Giving page so thank you so much!

I had to unfortunately kick them out (very politely of course since it's me) but I was beginning not to see straight I was so tired. Literally as soon as I left, I fell straight to sleep and didn't wake up until 8pm. Our neighbour, Maureen came round for a nice chat afterwards to see how I was and brought a lovely turquoise picture frame with a pink heart in the middle to match my room.

The only other thing that happened that day was it was the day after the day that the Hillsborough victims got their justice finally. At 10pm, the BBC news came on and it started with relatives of the poor victims telling their story – how loved the victim had been, what they had last said to them and the impact of their deaths. I realised that mum could have been like them on the telly telling everybody that she loved me and trying to remember the last thing she had said to me. I could have done so much worse to her than 4 weeks in hospital and an amputation – I could have done so much worse to all of my family and friends, especially Mum, Dad and Susanna. It was terribly unlucky but it could have been worse. Mum wouldn't want me to stay away from the hills but all I can say is I will be so much more careful next time.

Day 37

The doctors were striking today and we took a detour into physio to pick up a sticker. We even saw one of the junior doctors on the plastic team who had treated me! After Mum had dropped me off, I realised I'd lost the sticker somewhere so I thought I'd go back and get one but I didn't realise just how hard it would be to get to the gate of Charing Cross. My wheelchair isn't standard and it's really quite heavy so just little drop curbs were so hard to negotiate. In addition, the outside of Charing Cross is paved with a pavement that isn't all that smooth so it was quite an achievement to finally get to the junior doctors I support greatly. My efforts were rewarded with not just a sticker but a badge! I was well chuffed.

I did a bit more in physio today – a few different exercises. On the ball, Laura got me to do some pelvic and lower back exercises which were effectively crunches and Ben got me to try and touch his hand above so I had to crunch and reach to do that. It' actually all really fun and I'm really enjoying it, especially the hand-touching one.

I met a couple of ladies in the transport lounge. I realised that all of us had the same amputation and pointed out that we could be the new Charlie's Angels. One lady kindly showed me her gruesome pictures of her leg before it was infected and then when it was very infected. The I word still fills me with absolute fear. She had been about to get out of her car when a speeding car drove down her road and her car door slammed shut on her lower leg. She told me it had all been very clean. Her matter-of-fact and almost jovial way she joked about it all did surprise me so I understand how you all feel when I joke about this but then again what else can you do? The other lady had diabetes but she had had to stay in hospital for 16 months which sounds awful! I could barely cope with 4 weeks!

Another lady also joined us who had simply broken her ankle on holiday in Spain. After getting back home, she contracted an infection in hospital and had then had to have her leg amputated. The I word flares up so quickly and is so devastating, that's why I don't joke when I say that I am always vigilant and afraid of it. The lady with diabetes fell asleep on her ham and cheese toasty and I followed her not long after (without toasty) as we waited over two hours for patient transport.

I have been told by Sally that I'm not allowed to call the carers carers – they are personal assistants (PAs) – and also what I had been calling disabled toilets should be called accessible toilets so I am very sorry and will try to pick up the lingo quickly. If Sally or anyone else has any tips or pointers for calling things something else, it would all be greatly appreciated as I've only really just been thrown into this world but then it's the same world as before and I'm coming to realise that there is just not enough awareness in society about disability in general and especially just how much room a wheelchair needs!

Anyways, I say this because a new PA, Ribeena, turned up but I had forgotten that Dad was home on Wednesday afternoons, Mum unexpectedly had the afternoon off and to top it all off my grandparents turned up too. I'm really really grateful for all the support I luckily have at home which means that I actually don't need a PA except on Mondays really but it was very awkward for Ribeena and for me because there was nothing she could do for me. We had a chat about what to expect from the service in a bit more depth which was actually quite good and she left after about 10 or 20 minutes. I phoned up the 'reablement' team leader, Tina, to clarify which days I really needed help on and which days I didn't. I just really wasn't sure what to expect in the first week and I was all a bit overwhelming but I was ever so sorry to Ribeena for wasting her time really.

There was a really epic storm at home at about 7pm. The rolling drugs of thunder accompanied the lightning that danced violently overhead like a scarily passionate expressive dance through the clouds. Thunder crashed and lightning flashed and Emily slept. I can't believe I slept through it and I love storms! I was born in a storm and I really do love watching storms! I slept through the storm but I woke up watching Eastenders, one of the banes of my life. I just went back to sleep.