𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝, shawn mendes

𝟤.𝟧

aurora versini
24/02/18
1:23am
beverly hills, usa

"Of course it's raining." I mutter to myself as I walk from underneath the canopy of Shawn's hotel room. "Of fucking course it is."

I feel dirty and disgusting and most importantly, completely guilty for what I just did. I'm using him, plain and simple. But I could see it in his eyes when he looked at me. He has no idea.

And the worst part is, I think he's caught feelings. Because when he looked at me, I saw more than just lust. And I want more than anything for that look in his eyes to disappear, too much of a reminder of how Kal used to look at me. Before everything went wrong. And ironically, I went over to Shawn's to forget about everything to do with that man.

I fumble around in my jacket pocket desperately for my phone so I can call a taxi, my heart stopping when I realise it isn't there. I had it on the way to Shawn's hotel room because I was texting my friends in the elevator. Which means... shit. The realisation that I'm going to have to go back up there and face him after my not so graceful exit hits me like a truck. I pivot on my foot, marching back inside to reach his hotel room. "2603, 2604, 2605, 2606." I whisper to myself, deja vú washing over me as I knock on the door. He opens it immediately, the look in his eyes replaced with a sullen expression, filling me with confusion.

"Was I?" He begins, making me feel as if I've caught the last words of a conversation and not the start.

"Were you what? What are you talking about?" I croak, raking the rainwater out of my curls.

"Was I just as effective of a rebound tonight as I was last week?" He says, speaking as if he was reciting something he'd rehearsed in his head the 5 short minutes I'd been gone for. "Your friends want to know." He hands me my phone aggressively.

"I can- I'm sorry, Shawn." I shake my head sadly, staring at the ground. "Let me explain."

He reluctantly moves to the side, allowing me passage into his now familiar hotel room. "Go on, then. Humour your rebound."

"That night, last week. I wasn't over my ex, Kal. I needed you- well, I needed someone -to make me forget about him, even if only for a night. I didn't expect for it to be like this."

"Why didn't you just say that straight away? Instead of... Instead of leading me on? I mean, we practically spent all night together. It felt like a date, Aurora. It can't have just been me that felt like that. You can't just say you don't have these same feelings that I have, after spending a night like that together."

"That's my problem, Shawn. I'm not ready for those kinds of feelings. My last relationship really fucked me up. I know that's no excuse for what I just did, but it's true. It feels like this is the only way to move on from him."

"It wouldn't have been that hard for you to just tell me." He grits his teeth, taking a step closer.

"Oh, yeah?" I raise my eyebrows, "And if I had told you, would you have still hooked up with me?"

He doesn't respond for a while, staring at me until he comes up with an answer accompanied by a simple nod. "Yes."

"Why?"

He shrugs, defeated. "I wish I knew. I'm an idiot."

"Well, that makes two of us." I sigh, "I'm sorry it had to end like this."

"Who said anything about it ending?" He blurts suddenly, taking me completely by surprise. At this point I'd convinced myself it was over, that I'd fucked it all up for good. But by the look on his face, I have a feeling it's far from over.

"W-What?"

"I never said I wanted this to end. Whatever this is." He restates. "It feels too good to end."

"So what are you saying? That you're gonna let me use you without getting anything out of it?"

"I think we both know what I'm getting out of it, Aurora. The same thing you are."

"But you want more than that? More than just casual sex."

"Call it what you want. But sooner or later, I'll be more than just a rebound."

I scoff, "What makes you so sure?"

"Intuition." He replies. "And, the fact that I do really like you."

"I like you too, I guess." I shrug sarcastically. "I am sorry though. That I couldn't be more for you. I'm just not ready."

"Do you think you'll ever be ready?" He asks, walking me to the door instinctively.

"We'll see." I smile, taking a last look at him.

"If one day you think you are, let me know. I'll be waiting." I can't tell if he's joking or not, but the look in his eyes implies that he isn't. And I didn't want to break his heart, but I didn't know the answer to his question myself.

a/n;
changed this chapter a lil bit, i prefer it this way hehe