𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝, shawn mendes

𝟨.𝟨

aurora versini
25/05/18
6:12pm
new york city, usa

I'm pregnant. I'm fucking pregnant.

"Breathe, Aurora." I tell myself, "You don't know if you are just yet."

Yes you do, my subconscious states, you can feel it.

And my subconscious is right, because I could feel it. As soon as the information processed in my brain I knew. I was going to be a mother.

With a shaky hand I slide my phone off the side, my lock screen a terrifying reminder of everything- as if I even needed one. It's a photo I took of Shawn and I in bed one morning in Italy, him being the big spoon and nuzzling into my neck. Millions of thoughts race through my mind as I unlock my phone, unsure of what I'm even doing. I go to my recent calls, hovering my thumb between the two people in my life that I trust the most. Shawn, and Amirah.

I couldn't call Shawn and tell him over the phone that was was going to be a dad. But I couldn't call Amirah and drop the news on her when I'd barely processed it myself. Yet I have to call someone, and in this case it was Amirah.

The phone rings twice before she answers, her soothing voice having limited powers over me in the state that I'm in. "Aurora? Hi."

"Uh, hi." I croak, my mouth dry. "I need to talk to you. Well, I need to tell you something."

"Oh. Is it good news or bad?"

Now, wasn't that just the million dollar question. If it was good news, why do I feel uncontrollable dread seeping in? But if it was bad news, why is the dread accompanied with butterflies, making the feeling bearable?

"It's, uh, it's-" I stammer, unable to answer. "I think I might be pregnant."

"You what?" She exclaims, the sound of clattering in the background. "Did I just hear you right?"

"Yeah." I sigh, perching on the edge of the bathtub. "And I don't know what to do, Amirah."

"Oh, god. Okay." She inhales sharply. "You're at your apartment, right?"

"Yeah." I hum, my mind elsewhere.

"I'm on my way. Do you need a test?" She asks, "I have a spare one, I'll bring it."

"Thank you, Mirah." I exhale finally, feeling a fraction better after telling someone.

"It's nothing, honestly." She assures me. "I'll see you in thirty minutes, okay?"

"Okay." I sigh, resting my phone face down on the bathtub and closing my eyes. I try not to think about anything in particular, but the task is near to impossible.

But still, among all the noise and all the questions about the future, more uncertain then ever before, there's a whisper. A glimmer of hope. I'm going to be a mother.

My brain rushes through multiple scenarios and questions until there's a knock at the door, bringing all my thinking to a halt. I get up slowly and walk out of the bathroom and to the door, almost going dizzy.

I wrap Amirah in a hug before she can say a word to me, needing comfort more than anything.

"Aurora?" She whispers, pulling away. "How do you feel?"