𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝, shawn mendes

FINALE ミ☆

shawn mendes
09/06/18
10:07pm
london, united kingdom

My brain tells me to let go, but that's the only part of me that doesn't want to hold her. The rest of my body wants to hold her for two weeks, making up for lost time. But my heart could hold her forever, until I forget why we were apart in the first place. Because no matter how much I deny it, or convince myself I'm over her, or try to move on, it'll never work. Not while she keeps coming back into my life, the mere sight of her enough to warm up my whole body. The reason is simple, I know that now.

I pull her in close, holding her tight against my body. I treasure the sensation of her warm breath against my neck, my hands finding their way to her curls instinctively. I curl a strand around my forefinger, staring at it in fascination. Overwhelmed is the only way I can describe the emotion. I forgot what she felt like. I knew her voice, the sound of her laugh and how beautiful she was. But I'd forgotten what it felt like to hold her in my arms. Knowing that she feels the same incomprehensible emotions that I do. But if she does feel that way, why does she keep letting me down?

"Okay..." I whisper hesitantly. My lips release a breath of air as we pull apart, finally allowing myself to exhale. I take a step backwards, forcing myself to tear my eyes away from her and into the room. And I see what she's set up, solely for me.

"Remember when we were in Italy, on the last night?" She questions me, shuffling her weight and smoothing down her skirt.

How could I ever forget that night?

"Yes." I answer simply, staring at the scene in front of me and fighting the tell-tale smile that threatens to appear on my face.

"And you surprised me with the date on the beach?" I nod. "This is my way of saying thank you for that night, and everything else you've ever done for me. You made it all so easy for me to love again. Tonight is the least I could do to thank you for all that."

"If I sit down, it doesn't mean you're forgiven." I state, walking over to the almost perfect recreation of that night as my heart beats faster in my chest. Everything is laid out the same, minus the gorgeous beach setting. And the guitar I played Aurora her first love song on. Instead there's a speaker, giving me an idea of her next move.

"Of course not." She responds, breathing in shakily and pausing before she speaks next. "I'm not under any illusions. I know it'll take far more than this to make it up to you."

She's right, I know it. But again it's a conflict between my mind and my heart, my heart wanting so badly to tell her she didn't even have to do this and that all she had to do was let me see her face and hold her again. My mind wants to say the opposite, that nothing she could do could equate to the wasted effort I gave her over those three months, only for her to let me down again. In the end I hum a response, the silence becoming painful.

"I listened to the album." She tells me, pulling out a bottle of wine from a bag behind her and pouring a glass.

"Oh, really?" I raise an eyebrow as I take the first bite of my burger, accepting the glass and watching in confusion as she pulls out a bottle of water for herself. "Aren't you gonna have a glass?"

"Not really in a drinking mood." She dismisses, unscrewing the bottle cap and taking a sip. A brief thought crosses my mind, a possibility. I dismiss it faster than it arrived, shaking the feeling off. No. "Anyway, I listened to the album. Wow."