Under the Same Sky

Tightrope

**TRIGGER WARNING**

Ever since I had told Jenny, her and I had gotten close, which was nice, but I couldn't stop thinking about Jake. I couldn't even contact him because 1) he hadn't given me his number and 2) if I asked Jenny to ask Josh for his number, I would seem super desperate. So I waited. Meanwhile, Josh and Jenny were all over each other. No, really. He would drop by the shop on her breaks and they would sit in a booth spoon feeding each other ice cream. It was cute, but I was kind of jealous. I hadn't heard anything from Jake since the bonfire and I wanted nothing more than to be cuddled up with him in blankets like we were at the bonfire. 

I must have mindlessly been staring at Jenny and Josh because Josh called me over to them. I snapped out of my daydream and stalked over to them awkwardly. 

"Y/N, how are you?" Josh asked. 

"I'm good." I said, apparently not as convincing as I had hoped.

"I'm glad you are, but Jake isn't" He said, sadly

"What's wrong with Jake?" I asked, confused

"He's been worried about you, and has been too afraid to ask me to ask Jenny for your number so that he can check up on you." 

"Tell him not to worry about me, I'm okay." 

"Y/N, when Jake is worried, he worries. Nothing you can say can stop him from worrying. He really cares about you." 

"Everyone keeps saying that, but unless Jake says that to me himself then it's a bit hard to believe." That came out more harshly than I intended

"I'm sorry." I said quickly. 

"No, no I get it. I'm gonna tell Jake to man the hell up and just say it to you. I am curious though, what are your intentions towards Jake?" he asked.

I almost laughed, but saw his face was dead serious. "Um.."

"I'm serious, Y/N, Jake has had some seriously shitty girlfriends and I hate seeing my brother sad and hurt by those he actually cares for. He isn't one of those people who loves halfheartedly. He gives it his all, every single time." 

"You have to promise not to say a word to Jake about this conversation okay? Only on that promise will I tell you."

"Promise." 

"I don't feel like this is the first time I'm meeting Jake. Maybe we loved each other in a past life or something, but something about him seems so familiar and so comfortable. I really like him, but I don't know him and....I'm scared." I admit

They both instantly start gushing over my comment and I instantly regret having it out there. 

"Really?" A voice from behind me sounds. 

Fuck. 

I turn around and come face to face with Jake. I look down to the ground nervously. 

"Yeah..." I said, rubbing my arm awkwardly.

"I feel the exact same way." He says, inching closer to me. 

"Jake..." 

"What is it?"

I look at him in the eyes "I'm messed up and I don't think I can handle having my heart broken again." 

It may have been a bit dramatic, but I honestly couldn't waste my time anymore. 

"I'm messed up too. I won't break your heart if you don't break mine." He says, matter of factly. 

"Can we take it slow?" 

"Of course. We don't even have to be in a relationship first, we can be friends first and work our way up, if you want." He smiles at me.

"I don't think I can do friends, I like you more than that." I said, laughing nervously. 

"Well then lets just have a bitchin' summer romance?" he asked

I nodded. He leaned in to kiss my forehead but I tilted my head up and caught his lips on mine. I smiled into the kiss. Jake was super surprised and pulled back. I frowned at him. 

"What's wrong?" I asked him

"You just said you wanted to take it slow and then that happened" he said, blinking

"I needed to see if there was something there?" I asked, chuckling

"Cheeky" 

"I'm sorry. I want to take things slow, but I feel like I've known you for forever. My head says one thing and my heart says something else." 

"Well let's do what your head says, so it doesn't interfere later on." He kissed my forehead.

I breathe in deeply, "I'm gonna faint if you do that again." 

"Well if you faint at that, then how can I woo you later?" he chuckles. 

I blush. I honestly don't know how to respond. 

LATER THAT NIGHT...

I was still on a high from when Jake said he felt the same way about me. I didn't think that someone so radiant would ever fall for me. I put on some music and went to the bathroom to get ready for bed. I put my hair in a bun and took a look at myself in the mirror. My eyes looked tired and the bags hung low and dark around them. My face felt bloated, like my head was a balloon that someone had just put way too much helium in. I felt my tummy laughing at me, as it was bloated and was about to burst. I turned to examine my side profile. I hated what I saw. 

Push the thoughts out, Y/N. Don't let them take over. You're doing so well. Jake loves you for you. Not for your body. But what if he wanted to get intimate? What if he even wanted to do something so simple as go swimming? There's no way you could take your top off, he'd go running for the hills. I took a deep breath and the tears came rushing down my face aggressively. Before I knew it, my fingers were down my throat and the vomit was coming almost as fast as the tears. I hated the way I felt until I was done puking and I felt as light as air. I had been fine for so long, why did it all have to come back again? 

'Don't worry', I told myself, ' I can stop whenever I want'

***

A/N 

I know this may come across as an offensive/triggering chapter. I have struggled so long with my eating disorder, and if anyone is struggling and ever needs anyone to talk to, I'm just a message away.