in a state of constant confusion
between what I want
and what I have
and what I want to have
and what I have to want
17
Table of contents-
January 5th
-
marmalade
-
a love like that
-
even early
-
"do we have plans saturday?"
-
the air is different
-
oxymorons? is that what they're called?
-
just off
-
the paved blacktop of my wellbeing
-
faster, but farther
-
easy fix
-
I want you to want me, I need you to need me, I beg you to beg me,
-
when you kiss my shins and tell me that I matter,
-
Frank Sinatra
-
we talk for hours and you don't mean any of it
-
mind platter
-
solitude
-
your laughter is contagious
-
enigma
-
I still feel like I am decomposing
-
young Donna
-
"you seem to really like the dark"
-
Adaptation
-
your
-
Charlotte
-
"this song vibrates with human beings"
-
saturn
-
assessing my flaws: 1
-
2-20-19
-
"if I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense"
-
Céline
-
what is love?
-
beguiling
-
bloom
-
the mental maturity difference
-
commitment
-
show me love
-
thank you Thoraya Maronesy
-
net total
-
woke the fuck up
-
Hundred Acre Woods
-
kms
-
cocoon
-
you build me
-
coral gables
-
the still of the night
-
ford
-
everything else is extra
-
are you lonesome tonight?
-
what if one time, I'm not? will you care then?
-
let go
-
"no she's an angel child"
-
where it all started...
-
the river of dreams
-
endgame
-
assessing my flaws: 2
-
prom lol
-
if I were someone else, I would want to be my friend.
-
stagefright,everythingfright, everythingeverythingeverything
-
bricker
-
puzzling
-
jetski
-
not too far
-
2 years
-
1:21.
-
grow up
-
do you wonder
-
to try
-
rocketman
-
gentle giant
-
tightrope
-
I need to buy a kite
-
just a bit longer
-
rock
-
ted
-
growth
-
Rochester
-
couches with an ocean in between
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Rochester 2
-
inclination towards mediocrity
-
why am i so terrified of isolation
-
what if who I hoped to be was always me?
-
over it
-
elohim
-
night before senior year
-
what did I learn this summer?
-
sun come down
-
I don't know what to do Saturday night
-
milton
-
preteen
-
and that's all
-
because we're actually looking
-
the eyes I look into
-
Shel Silverstein
-
pretty lyric
-
hershey fucking kiss me
-
no you do not
-
the end of the fucking world
-
gumby
-
I don't know
-
assessing my flaws part 3
-
I killed myself in the only way I was able
-
a-space-l-o-t
-
falling
-
to my future...
-
I never cheated at uno
-
serial monogamist
-
I really am trying
-
the parts that arent so pleasant
-
cactusing
-
it were pretense, sir
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crypt
-
butterfly fly away
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synchronization
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beanie man
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nobody by mac demarco
-
snow day
-
my blue jeans
-
un peigne
-
hopefully I'll reread this every day
-
it's a constant effort
-
what exactly does either of us deserve?
-
trying to read books
-
quit wondering
-
louis
-
you are my name
-
journaling in cursive takes too long
-
"will you say words?"
-
trying times
-
pretty pretty girl
-
when she lays down
-
setting my mind on the nightstand for when I need it
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though I'm with you, I'm at a loss for words.
-
in sharpie
-
adhd with legs, drinking baja blast
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i dont feel good
-
today is
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little tip toes
-
back porch
-
an update
-
last names
-
you can't pretend that we were never best friends
-
hard to tell sometimes
-
don't let it break your heart
-
let it
-
search party
-
quiet motions
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