Bridge Jump (rewrite)

Chapter Ten: Blue

All day was like an out of body experience for her. She didn't feel like herself, she was out of it. During her lecture, she sat there simply scribbling down notes illegible. On the many multiple drives to meeting and photoshoot one after the other she was gone, staring blankly the entire time. She didn't know what had gotten into her, maybe it was the oxycodone that she found herself taking every day sometimes twice to get by. On her way home from yet another meeting she found herself fidgeting, repeatedly scratching at her exposed thigh. Though it was slightly painful, it helped calm her, made her feel better.

"What time is it?" she asked the driver, her voice free of any form of emotion.

"it's six in the evening, Miss Jinger." The driver replied peering back at her. He had worked for her family since she was little, he had watched her grow up and began to grow worried about her, she was through warning signs that made him feel as though things were coming to an end somehow.

"Edgar, has anyone in my family ever thanked you for everything you do?" Lindsey asked, her scratching's pace picked up. "I mean every really thanked you and told you they appreciated you?"

Edgar was completely shocked at her question, though he knew the answer he didn't expect it to be the topic of discussion seeing as they rarely ever talked to him when he drove them. He decided to be truthful right as he was about to answer, Lindsey, leaned forward placing a hand on his shoulder and making eye contact with him in the rearview mirror. "I'm so thankful for you, you do so much outside of your job and ask for nothing in return. So, thank you, Edgar, here this is for you. Promise you won't open it till you get home."

Edgar nodded extending his pinky finger back to her remembering a similar event when she was younger. Lindsey smiled wrapping her pinky around his as they pulled into the garage. She smiled sadly as she left the car and made her way inside. She shimmied her jacket off hanging it in the coat closet and removed her shoes carrying them up to the stairs with her room. She looked around at it, everything placed perfectly back in place. She sighed walking to her bathroom opening the medicine cabinet. She pulled out a small folded piece of paper opening it. It was old and worn, torn in some places, the once bright ink now dull. She read over it.

'I'll always have time for you Lindsey, don't worry. Signed Zander' She smiled Zander had to be about nine years old when he wrote that, making her eleven. She remembered she was trying to show off what she learned in violin and her mother had told her she didn't have time for her 'shit'. That was around her father's first affair, at least that she knew of. Lindsey made her way out of her room towards Zander's. She knew he was home she saw all his football equipment dropped at the base of the stairs. She knocked on the door waiting for a response.

"come in," Zander replied; Lindsey smiled pushing open the door to find him laying on his bed head buried in the book he was reading. She smiled even wider, loving the fact that he never gave up his love of learning, she almost laughed when her eyes focused in on the joint between his lips.

"Damn, didn't know your room was such a good place to hotbox." She giggled; she loved this new freeing feeling that was within her. Though she wanted to ignore why it was brought on. "Tell me, is the book good?"

She dropped on the bed next to him, instead of lying like him -on her stomach- she lied on her back, snatching the spliff from his lips and bringing it to hers. Zander smiled at her watching her take a drag. "you wouldn't like it, too many words, too little pictures."

They both laughed simultaneously at his response, something they rarely got to do together. Soon their laugh died into a comfortable silence as they passed the weed between the two of them. After a while, Zander closed his book sitting up. He looked down at his sister whose eyes were closed. This was the most put-together and peaceful he had seen her. He wondered if she knew. "Did you know she's coming to live with us?" He asked.

"Who?" she asked, yet to open her eyes but had turned her head in his direction.

"The girl he got pregnant." His reply to her question came out as a whisper. He watched as her eyes slowly opened. The hurt that flashed in her eyes quickly faded back to something emotionless. Lindsey sat up and skootched close to him.

"You know I love you right?" she asked, "I know I don't say it a lot, or show it but I wouldn't ask for anyone else to be my brother, you know you saved me ten years ago and made me feel so important."

"I know." Zander spoke slowly, "Where is this coming from? Lindsey?"

When she didn't answer him and simply got up and made her way out his room he shouted: "Lindsey, don't do anything stupid."

It had to be around 4 am, Lindsey stood on that bridge for what felt like the millionth time. The air felt different, blew differently. That out of body calm had settled itself over her. She stood on the railing holding onto the light pole next to her. She glanced back catching the eye of the guy she asked if he was an angel. He was different too, He had the usual cancer stick between his lips, but something different radiated off him. He was different. She didn't know why but she lifted her finger to her lips as if asking him to keep a secret. She smiled when he did the gesture back. She turned back to the city landscape before her, the sky glowing a bright violet. Slowly she let go of the pole, letting the wind blow against her, brush her hair and whip against her skin. Tonight was going to end differently.