Chapter Twenty-Eight: Grieve Counselour

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Austin listened over the voice mail from Tara saying how she heard about Lindsey and would like to see Austin. Making sure to add that he doesn't have to worry about cost and how she wasn't a monster and would love to be there for him. He sighed, running the towel over his face drying it. Everything felt like a weight in Austin's back, weighting him down. She quickly pulled on a T-shirt, some joggers and sneakers. He sighed again grabbing his keys, wallet and phone. He climbed into his car driving the 40 something miles in silence. He'd wondered how everyone was doing, but never made the effort to reach out to them or simply answer their frequency calls. He pulled into the parking garage, shutting off his car and locking it. He leaned against his car, gathering his wits for a minute before making his way towards the building.


"Tara, you don't get it! I let her go, I will regret that for the rest of my life." Austin sat on the edge of his seat, running his hand over his face, then running his hand through his hair pulling at the roots.

"Austin, it's not your fault." Tara began, "you did absolutely nothing wrong. Your associating her suicide with your prior fight. Knowing Lindsey, it wasn't you who drove her. You know that. You, know her better than anyone Austin."

"Well how to I get better?" Austin's voice trembled as he looked up at her.

"Well, time helps. It's slow, and it's painful but it works. Talking helps too. Going out with other people, seeing friends." She smiled at him, motherly rubbing his back as they spoke. "If it's meant to be, them it'll be again. Then if it's not, you'll wake up one day and realize you haven't even thought of her once, or you're no longer blaming yourself and then you'll be free,"

"I'll never be free." Austin muttered, "I don't want to be."

"You don't want to move on?" Tara asked surprised.

"I don't think I should, maybe for some people they find the one they want to spend the rest of their lives with. Life goes on and all, but what if Lindsey was my one? What if she was my Vita Mia?" Austin asked, thinking of when his other died how he had a purpose to keep going -keep his sister safe, care for her- what did he have now?

"Only you can answer that Austin. But just take my advice and stop blaming yourself because if anything, you saved her.

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