Urgency. | Matthew Healy

c/six. this must be my dream

I woke up the next morning to the smell of weed. Nope, not bacon and eggs or any other cheesy thing, weed.

We were on the move, so I assume everyone was back by now. I head to the bathroom and brush my teeth, stepping out about three minutes later, and heading towards the source of the weed: George, in the kitchen couch.

"Hey, G." I smile at him, and he moves towards me and gives me a hug, which I return, sitting next to him shortly afterwards.

"What time did you get back? I was up late last night and didn't see you." I asked while pulling away from the hug.

He chuckled. "Oh, yeah. I heard Matty did something real hot."

I put both hands on my face, hiding my blush. I was thinking about it, too, George. However, I assume he meant the puking, so I went along with it.

"He told you, huh? He's terrible, I'll bet he's nursing a hangover." I shook my head, reaching for George's blunt.

He doesn't hesitate to hand me the blunt and I take a long hit, feeling relaxed, then handing it back to George.

"He's gotta lay off those drugs and chicks. Heard he was going out with Jacqueline last week." He scoffed. "Jacqueline probably wants Matty's babies but apparently she's good in bed." He shrugged.

I rolled my eyes. Jacqueline. Matty's clingy ex-girlfriend. He said he'd left her a long time ago but I just now found out that they're fucking. So it was her lipstick marks. Fuck you, Jacqueline. It should be me.

"I'm not his mum. I can't do anything about it, if he wants to be an absolute sack of shit then that's his choice." I stared at George, feeling my blood boiling, knowing very well this wasn't about Matty's behavior, but about Jacqueline.

He raised his eyebrows. "Well, alright then, calm down, will you?" He raised his arms. I took his blunt from his hand and took another hit.

"So feisty..." George murmured.

"Zip it, George." I practically shove the blunt back into his hands, and I see Matty emerging from his bunk bed, visible from the kitchen couch.

"Hey." Matty choked out, obviously struggling to articulate his words, or, well, word.

"Hi." I could feel my voice soften and my eyes sparkle, and I'm angry at this. I'm such an idiot for this stupid man.

He smiles at me, knowingly, and George just laughs.

Adam comes out of his bunk bed only a minute after, complaining about me yelling or something, but I was in a trance. Matty was currently smoking his recently rolled-up blunt, and he just looked so amazing.

"You need some tissues for that drool?" Matty teased. Someone's feeling better.

"You should ask Jacqueline about that." I smiled angrily, but I pulled it off like I wasn't affected by it, or at least I'd like to believe I did.

Matty's eyes widened, and so did George's.

"George." Matty stared at him, shooting daggers.

"Mate, I meant no harm. We were smoking and talking and it just came out casually, no bad intentions." He defended himself.

"It's fine, Matty. You do what you want, it is your life, after all. You don't owe me anything." I shrug, standing up.

"Besides, I need to go try to write a song. Have a good one, I'll be back later." I said, before stepping all the way to the back into the bus' studio, knocking to see if there was anyone inside, and then Ross came out.

"Hey, I just finished in there." He gestured for me to go in the studio. "Good luck with your song, Valerie." He smiles.

"Thanks, Ross." I politely smile back and step in the studio, closing the door behind me.

I grab a nearby notebook and pencil and start writing out verses for a while until I came out with something that made sense:

I know how it is, you've made it very clear
This isn't the real deal
So you can hang with other girls
And you have the best of both worlds

I'd love to say that I'm not a toy
That I won't stand this treatment
And when I think I'm decided
You are sweet, kind and thoughtful

I'd love to not long for your arms
To want to breathe instead of kissing you
To want my scent on my clothes and not yours
And to find someone better

But you fill the void
And you do it so, so well
That I find myself addicted
And dependent of your heaven made hell.

I read through it, hoping it connects the loose wires needed to make a great song.

No. This sucks.

Yet another famous paperball, and another failed attempt. I groan in desperation, and I hear a knock on the door.

I stand up to open it and I see Matty on the other side.

He placed a foot in front of the door, knowing my first reaction would be slamming it at his face.

"Before you say anything, let me talk." He raises his hand, signaling me to quiet down, even though I haven't said a word yet.

"Frankly, Jacqueline is a piss bag and I'd love to not have to use a girl to make me feel better about myself, but weed and sex loosens the tension and it's all I have, you've got to understand that. No, it's not okay that I'm using Jacqueline for sex, but to be fair, I'm not worthy of anything else. And she's proved she isn't either." He spews out his mass of words trying to form an argument for me to not be mad at him over Jacqueline.

I chuckle. "Piss bag?" I raise an eyebrow, to which he shrugs.

He was about to say something but I interrupted; "When you said you're not worthy of anything else, did you mean you're not worthy of having a nice girl or you're not worthy of being a nice lad?" I questioned him, which caused him to stare at me.

"Both," he answered. "I believe no girl deserves to be stuck with me, and I deserve no girl. But that isn't going to stop me from getting them. I think that's why I get around with girls like Jacq-"

"Could you stop mentioning her for a minute?" I get pissed off and intervene in his self-analysis.

He cocks his right eyebrow, that copycat. "You're jealous of Jacqueline?" He smiles, his eyes going soft, like he's amused.

"No, I'm not." I get defensive over it, and realize that sort-of gives it away. I am indeed jealous of Jacqueline Foster.

He laughs, a laugh that can sew your heart back together and crush it in a matter of minutes.

"You are, and I think it's unbelievably cute, darling." He gets close to me and tucks my bangs behind my ear, and then placing his hands on my hips.

"Are you seriously using Jacqueline as an excuse to hit on me?" I give him a deadly stare, although I don't want him to ever let go.

"Not unless you'd let me." He stares at me, his eyes flickering to my lips and then back to my eyes, repeatedly.

I take a deep breath and find myself moving closer to Matty, just like he is.

I close my eyes, ready to give in to temptation.

That is until the bus decided to pop a tire and send us spiraling down the road.