Urgency. | Matthew Healy

c/twenty. I like America and America likes me

Matty's POV

It had been two weeks since that day, and when I sat and pondered, I realized that I was fuming.

To know everything that Valerie had done without me noticing made me feel like I had been fooled, or that I was just plain stupid.

And on top of that, she talked about Kate. It was the perfect recipe for disaster and I was beyond pissed off.

One part of me, however, felt like I had made a mistake. Like she deserved to be forgiven, or at least heard.

I couldn't think straight, still.

I have to admit, I felt numb. All of this betrayal and confusing thoughts have had me out of my place. We arrived at the venue today — a week later than we were supposed to, but we made it — and I couldn't bring myself to pick up a guitar and sing.

Usually it would help to go out there and use my thoughts as fuel for my performance, but I didn't feel like getting up from the bunk bed. I truly am wishing that our management didn't move those strings so I don't have to get on that stage today, or anytime soon.

I haven't heard from Valerie, and it's driving me insane. I feel like I should have given her a chance to explain before I abruptly kicked her out. I've been tempted to call her therapist just to know how she is, George's instincts came in roughly and at the moment I couldn't say no, and I didn't want to either.

I'm sitting in a tent that the event manager has set up for us in search for alone time, before all the chaos begins. I think about calling Valerie, but before I could grab my phone, I see a familiar face walking towards me.

"Tom?" I ask him, making him look at me straight in the eye.

"Hey there, Matthew, right?" He asks, offering his hand for me to shake.

"Matty." I correct him, and hesitantly shake his hand. "What are you doing here?" I ask

"Right, sorry." He apologizes, before continuing, "Business stuff, I'm running a couple of tents with band merch. Where's Valerie?" He asks in confusion, and I sigh.

"I don't know." I reply to him, not bothering to filter anything out at this point.

"That sure sounds like Valerie." He chuckles, and I don't find his comment funny at all.

"Want a drink?" He offers, while pouring himself one.

I thought for a moment, before accepting his offer. What the hell.

"Here you go, scotch, neat." He hands me a disposable cup with scotch whiskey in it.

I take a swig of it before questioning Tom. "Why'd you say that sounds like Valerie?"

Tom chuckles, yet again. "She's like that, she's a mess. She doesn't quite know what she's doing."

I scoff. "You cheated on her, how is she a mess? You hurt her."

Tom stares at me for a solid two seconds. "I cheated on her because she was too possessive. I know that doesn't make it right, cheating is never justified, but I wasn't okay with her. I felt trapped, followed. Like she sucked all the blood out of me." He explains, taking a swig of his drink.

My mouth slightly opens but I can't bring myself to say anything. I could relate.

Tom notices this and continues to speak. "She's got problems, Matty. I don't like speaking ill of her, she's a nice girl with good intentions, but she's got problems."

I could only nod.

Tom grabbed a nearby chair. "Can I sit down next to you?" He asked, and I nodded in acceptance.

"Her friend Luca and I, we go way back. When Valerie got this opportunity to come to the tour, it was all because of Luca. He wanted her to get help, to get clean – to have a fresh start – from me. We didn't work so well. The way she acted with me resulted in a breakdown that ended up in the tabloids as a rough breakup between her and I." He explained to me.

"What happened between you two?" I ask in curiosity.

"Technically I can't say, I signed a non-disclosure agreement, for her, to help her future wellbeing." He answered, scratching the back of his head.

"But..." He continued, "Between you and I, she nearly choked me to death when she found out I cheated on her."

My eyes widened. I found myself shocked, yet again.

"And you came back and had sex with her after all of that? I don't believe you." I tell him, slightly taken aback by his confession.

He laughed. "Yeah, it's twisted that I forgave her after all of that. I don't know how I ended up having sex with her again, but it's been about two solid years since that happened and I somehow understood that she didn't mean it. Again, not justifiable, but I understand her twisted ways. Which is why I came with Luca to check on her, only to find her lack of progress was an issue called Matty." He told me, smiling.

"Issue?" I stared at him, angry at his comment.

"It's a joke, relax." He added.

I sighed, laying back in my chair and finishing my drink.

"I'm sorry for coming over like that and having sex with her when you two were clearly onto something, that wasn't right of me." He apologized.

I shook my head. "No hard feelings, she was mad, I was screwing another chick." I truthfully answered.

Tom nodded.

"Why did she come here and waste her time?" I asked.

"She didn't." He answered, sitting back in his chair, "That was just beyond her control."

I shook my head, yet again. "She got kicked out of the tour, and label."

He pursed his lips. "I know."

He stood up, seeing as the boys were coming towards the tent.

"We're okay, yeah?" He asked me, and I smiled at him.

I smiled. "Yeah, man. We're fine. Thanks for explaining, you didn't need to."

He smiled back. "I did."

He turned to leave but stopped and turned back to me. "You need to see someone, too. This pain all of these girls have put you through is not fair on you."

I rolled my eyes, "I don't need a shrink."

Tom nodded, yet again, in understanding. "Well, at least get some help. I'm sure your friends would appreciate you not drowning in drugs again."

"I appreciate your concern. I'll think about it." I told him, and it seemed to please him enough to turn around and be on his way again.

Fuck.