far too young to die // ryden //

- light -

We went to Spencer's house and it looked awfully different, well obviously it did.
"Ross, you want a drink?"
"Yup."
"Sit down, dude."
I sat down, depressively, if that's the word.
Spencer came back with a glass of vodka and he handed me it.
"Ross, I told you to stop being so depressed over him. You survived the past few years without him, you can do it. You don't need him."
"Spence, I need him. It's like I can't live without him. He makes me happy, He makes me smile. I've loved him since I first met him. You knew me before he did, you saw how depressed I was."
"But now you're depressed again."
"Because he hates me, he doesn't want me. I love him, Spin. I love him so so much but I ruined it like I always do." I started crying.
"Ryan, I can text him for you. You're too much of an emotional mess." he grabbed his phone and started typing.
A few minutes later, he said "And..done."
I grabbed the phone and saw what he had written.

Spin 🥁: Hello, Bren. I just wanted to say that Ryan is sorry. He loves you so much. He is sitting next to me literally crying and shaking, saying that it's his fault and that you hate him. He is such an emotional mess without you. Just please don't let him hurt himself, please.

Beebo🎙: I just need time, you know? I love him too, I love him so so much. It's just that he hurt me and I'm scared. Tell him that I love him and miss him.

"God, Spence. I love him too and I miss him so fucking much."
"I know you do."
"Give my phone."
"Sure." He threw my phone into my hands.
"Don't get yourself hurt." He added.
"Won't." I started typing.

Ross 🎸: I'm so fucking sorry. I love you, Bren. I really do. I told you no one could love me because I hurt everyone. I don't know how to show how much I love you because I'm scared of hurting you again. You mean the absolute world to me, that's why I saved you from killing yourself twice. I know that you did it because of me, I hurt you so badly that you thought it was your fault. It isn't your fault at all, I promise you. When you get out of the hospital, tell me. I wanna see you. I wanna hug you again, I wanna feel your gentle touch. I love you, B. Just please don't blame yourself. It's my fault. I hope to see you later, I love you.

"Jesus, dude. How much did you write?"
"A whole lot." I chuckled.
"Well, tell me when he texts you back. I'm going to play overwatch."
"Okay." I nodded.

My phone buzzed a few minutes later.
"Hey, Spence. He texted me back."

Beebo 🎙: Ry, I love you too with all my fucking heart. I'm not gonna do this again, I don't want you to find me like that again. Just promise me you won't cheat. I will do anything to make you feel loved enough. You are the only thing keeping me alive. I'm gonna be checked out tomorrow. I love you.

"Well shit dude. You'll see him tomorrow. I'll come with you if you want."
"I miss him so much, I wanna hug him and never let go."
"You're so in love with him, aren't you?"
"Yeah."
"Let's go to bed."
"I should go home though."
"No, Ryan. You'll hurt yourself, plus it will be easier to go to hospital together."
"I'll sleep on the couch."
"Ok, Linda and I are gonna probably be asleep by the time you go to sleep but get some sleep, kid."
"Will do. Thank you so much, Spence."
"I owed you, Ross."
"Good night."
"You too."
Spencer walked up the stairs and I laid down, staring at the ceiling.
I couldn't fall asleep, I was too busy worrying about the next day.