far too young to die // ryden //

- satellite -

I couldn't sleep for the next week. I needed Ryan, it was like I couldn't breathe without him. I couldn't stop loving him, he was my world.

I drove to Starbucks and hoped to not have any other human interactions but with the cashier.
Though when I walked in, I saw him...Ryan but he was with Spencer and they seemed to be talking about me. Before I knew it, Ryan was walking up to me.
"Hey, Bren."
"Hi."
"So..um..how have you been?"
"Not good..at all."
"Do you wanna..y'know..go somewhere?"
"Sure." I stood up and Ryan held my hand. We walked to my car and sat down inside.
"Ryan, I'm so sorry." I looked down before quickly glancing at Ryan's wrist and I saw thin lines. I wanted them to be scratches but they were too straight.
"JESUS, RYAN. WHAT DID YOU DO??" I firmly shouted.
"Nothing. What are you talking about?"
"Ryan. I'm not fucking dumb. What is that on your wrist?"
"It's nothing. Don't worry, Bren."
"Cuts on your wrists aren't 'nothing', Ryan."
"Can you stop overreacting?"
"Okay, so I should just let you keep hurting yourself??"
"Not like you care anyways."
"Ryan. I do care. I care about you so fucking much."
"No one cares. That is why I do it. No one will stop me."
"I WILL STOP YOU. RYAN, I NEED YOU. I CAN'T AFFORD TO LOSE YOU AGAIN. FOR GODS SAKE, RY. I WOULDN'T BE HERE WITHOUT YOU." I shouted, fighting tears.
Everything went silent after that until Ryan quickly wrapped his arms around me and buried his head into my neck.
He mumbled, "I love you." and I replied with, "I love you too."
"I'm sorry. This is my fault." He whimpered.
"Ry, that is so far from the truth. I hurt you. I'm so fucking sorry. I don't deserve you."
"Bren. You deserve so much better than me."
"No, I don't," I gently touched his wrist. "Please don't do this. I don't want to lose you again; if i do, I'll lose myself. Well, I mean, I already have but still. I won't be able to cope with it."
"Like Chester said, who cares if one more light goes out? I'm that light."
"You are that light. You are the light of my life." I looked down.
"No, I'm the wall that blocks everything good in your life."
"Ryan. No."
"I love you."
"I love you too. I always have and I swear I will always paint you."
"Golden days." He chuckled in response.
"That song was about you."
"I know, Bren."
"A lot of songs are about you."
"I know."
"I missed you so much, baby."
"I missed you too, Bren."
"Do you wanna go home?"
"Yes."