The Fault In Our Stars Fanfiction: My Second Little Infinity

Chapter 20

When I was fourteen, I had a friend named Natile. She was nice at first. Then, she started making fun of my cannula. She made fun of me and Phillip. I would come home in tears. That's almost me right now. I'm was coming home in tears after the doctor's visit.

One month. One month until I give birth to a child that will have down syndrome.

"Hazel... I'm so sorry..." my mom said. But nothing could've stopped the tears. 

I'm selfish, you can say. I'm not gonna deny that. It's very true. I just care about myself. Well, I guess I do care about how he will do in life with that. I just don't want to have to deal with this so young. I have no regrets about what happened in Amsterdam, but I just wish it had happened later on in life...

Augustus is my light, love, and hope. He is why I am still alive, why I am still fighting this cancer disease that has ruined both of us: Augustus and I. It's because he kept fighting a hopeless fight until the very end. He fought for something worth fighting for: love. If he can do it, so can I. I am. I will. I don't doubt it for one second. It'll be a tough fight. But I'm ready.

Augustus was the love of my life. I was his. I had the tools to fight. The drug Dr. Jim had planned for my treatment. My loved ones. Isaac. Support Group, then, I guess, sorta. Still, cancer is no easy game. If Augustus was here, he would be the only thing I needed.

I guess life doesn't work that way. You won't get everything you want. The world is not a wish-granting factory, Augustus had so wisely said. It's so true. I wished I didn't have cancer. I wish Gus didn't have to die. I wish the world was a happy, peaceful place where everyone danced on rainbows with pink unicorns and ate candy all day. But the truth is, that's not my choice. It's the Someone in Somewhere to decide. Not me. Not Augustus. Them. I've faced that. Now, I just have to live it out.

"Hazel," my father said sternly, "please stop crying. It'll be okay." I could tell his thin shell is cracking. Tears are already in his eyes. I tried to stop. But it was not possible.

"Sorry," I cried. I couldn't believe it. Diseased... It couldn't be possible. 

"Hazel... I'm so sorry. I-I don't know what to say..." my mom mumbled. I just nodded into her shirt. I got up and went to my room. I sat on the bed and cried. Cried, cried, cried, and cried some more. I buried my face in my pillow and screamed through clenched teeth. 

Why? Why? Why was this happening? I didn't understand. I wanted Augustus Waters, right here by my side. He's the calm, collected one. He balances me, completes me in every way. At least the new drug Doctor Jim has perscribed will start being used tomorrow. I guess that's good...

But Gus... Our child... I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe I'll see Someone and Augustus soon...

I'm so sorry I haven't been updating much. SOO busy right now. I'll update as much as I can, along with my other stories. Stick with me here, guys!