Until Her...

Chapter Fourteen

Crisp two am air is flowing around me as I find an empty table in the middle of the rooftop bar. I like the acoustic stage as it's filled with a mixture of artists, some upcoming and some well known. It's cold out here but I don't want to go inside. An artist I love called Kina Grannis is performing a mixture of covers and originals, and I get lost listening to her singing. Wishing I was brave enough, that it was me on the stage singing my own songs to a crowd of people. As I let myself daydream I feel something heavy wrap around me. When I look around to see where it came from, Gabriel comes from behind me.
"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you, you just looked cold" he says, sitting in the empty seat next to me, his heavy jacket covering my shoulders.
"Thanks" And with one kind gesture my anger for him disintegrates, it happens every time.
"So this is where you've been hiding" he asks, looking around the rooftop.
"Who says I'm hiding"
"You're sitting here alone while your friends are downstairs having fun" he says as he passes me one of the drinks he's brought over with him. I take a sip of the sweet liquid, and it's not too strong. I need some liquid courage if I'm going to be out here alone with him.
"Where've you been all night then? Your friends said you disappeared as soon as you got here"
"I've been around" he says vaguely.
"Where's your date" I don't know why I asked him that, it's not like I actually care. He shifts uncomfortably in his chair like I've brought up a touchy subject.
"I'm not sure" he says shrugging his shoulders. Why is he here with me, if his date somewhere looking for him?
"Going that great huh?" I laugh to myself.
"That's why I'm hiding up here" he makes a face that makes me laugh a little bit more, "So come on, why you out here on your own?"
"I came out for some air. And I prefer this kind of set up anyway" I say, looking back to hear her sing, slightly confused by his sudden kindness.
"Me too" I find that hard to believe, I wouldn't think this was his type of scene. Then again I know nothing about him, except he likes messing with me.
"So why'd you come to New York? Your arts incredible, I'm sure you could go to any college you wanted, why NYU?" I should be flattered by his compliment, but after our last encounter, I feel self-conscious talking to him about it personal things.
"I've always wanted to live in New York, so when I won my scholarship I knew it was NYU. They've got the best art department and internships in the city" I explain. Nobody's ever asked me why I came to New York.
"Is it everything you thought it would be"
"It's incredible and I've met some really great people. It's just... it can be a bit..." I start to say.
"Loud? Suffocating? Overwhelming?" he answers for me.
"Better than living back home, it's lonely back there. It's just ... different from what I'm used too" I say honestly, unsure why I tell him this.
"Is that why you left?" I'm taken aback by all of his invasive questions, but I answer them anyway.
"I needed a fresh start you know?" confiding my secrets to him.
"From what?"
"I was running away from life, at least the life I had before. I couldn't be the person I wanted to be if I was back in England ... too many memories"

"Are you the person you want to be then?" he asks me.
"I'm trying to be. You being rude to me doesn't always help" I give a gentle laugh, but he doesn't reciprocate.
"Don't you miss your family?" he asks and I stiffen.
"My family and I are complicated" I confess.
"Aren't they always" He gives me an awkward smile, and things so silent between us, until he says, "You won a scholarship?"
"Please don't tell anyone what I've said, I don't want people to know. When people hear of my scholarship, they usually look at me the same way you are now" I say, seeing the sympathetic look on his face. He thinks my family is too poor to afford university when in reality it's much worse. How do I tell him that my parents refused to pay for my college, that they'd rather spend it on redecorating? You don't, cause it's humiliating. Nobody needs to know how fucked up my relationship with my family is.
"I think it's incredible, putting yourself through college and all by your own merit. What did you win it for?" he tries to stop himself from making the same expression.
"My art" but he presses me for more information. "6 finalists were invited to exhibit their art in a London Gallery. And somehow...I won. A four-year scholarship and a two-week internship" I say bashfully.
"Must have felt amazing to win, to be able to stand on that stage knowing you beat thousands of people. Your family all proud and cheering you on while you accepted your award" he says clearly not knowing anything about my family. It was quite the opposite of that actually.
"They didn't. My family never saw my work" I tell him, the hurt in my voice.
"What why?"
"I told you my family was complicated. My parents were arguing in front of everyone, and my sisters were to busy focusing on them to care" I start to feel the same gut wrenching pain I felt that night.
"What about your friends" I look away, too mortified to admit that I didn't any. He gives me the same sympathetic face from earlier.
"I don't need you to feel sorry for me" I snap at him.
"I don't. I feel sorry for your family" he kindly says.
"Why?"
"Look at what they missed out on" And he takes my hand giving it a soft squeeze, and then let's go again. He's a good listener when he wants to be. And it's so easy to tell him things. I just wonder why he's being so nice to me all of a sudden.
"Why did you choose NYU?" I ask, trying to move the subject from me.
"Same as you, I wanted a fresh start"
"How come?" I press for answers.
"There was something I needed to distance myself from, that's all" There's more to it than that, and I want to ask him about it. But I don't push, as I know he'll never be honest about it. Even though I poured my heart out, and spilled some of my familial secrets, he can't be forthcoming and honest with me back. Why is everything on his terms, and the way he wants it?
"It's getting pretty late. I should go and find the other guys" I say, passing his jacket back. I shiver when the harsh air touches my skin.
"Keep it, I'll get it back from you next week" And he pushes the hand back that's holding his jacket.
"You sure" He nods at me.
"Thanks" I stop by the door as I walk out, and turn to see him still watching me.
"Thank you" I tell him, giving an appreciative smile.
"You've already thanked me" he laughs finding my incessant manners annoying, I can tell
"Not for the jacket" I look down at my feet, too shy to say it to his face."For everything else"
I walk away before he can see the huge smile that's plastered across my face. I don't really know what just happened, I think that might be the first conversation we've had where we haven't bickered or argues. I find myself hoping, that maybe it could happen again. And hope that maybe we could one day be friends.