Until Her...

Chapter Forty

I open my bedroom door and my Dad is sat at my desk tapping away on his his phone, sending emails no doubt. I drop my heels by the front door as I walk in so he know's I'm there.
"Dad" I whisper.
"Hello sweetie" he says staring down still, finally he puts his phone in his jacket pocket and is acting like nothing's wrong.
"What are you doing here?" I interrogate him.
"I came to see you" he smiles at me. 
"You had a chance to see me, last night remember? When we were supposed to be having dinner together" I say sternly.
"I got busy with meetings, and they took a lot longer than I expected them too. I'm sorry Norah" he stands up from the desk.
"Save it. I really don't want to hear whatever bullshit excuse your going to give me" I say while picking up some of the mess from my bedroom floor. "I sat there for over an hour waiting for you to show up"
"It's my job, and was important that I stayed for the meetings"
"So your job is more important than me?" I ask him, hurt by his words.
"In this instance yes" Of course it is, his job has always been his number one priority.
"You could have just called" I tell him. He could have done a lot more than just that.
"Norah what do you want from me, I've apologised now stop acting like a child" he tells me off. I look at him in bewilderment. I'm acting like a child? Really?
"I'd like you to go" I say to him.
"I cancelled a meeting just so I could come here and see you" he says to me.
"Why? You've never wanted to before" I accuse him. It's true he never does anything unless it's for his own benefit.
"You're my daughter I shouldn't need a reason to visit" he getting cross with me and my attitude.
"There's always one though, so what is" I say crossing my arms and tapping my foot. If he wants to call me a child I'll act like one.
"Norah?"
"Just tell me Dad" I say.
"You're mother and I are taking some time apart right now" he finally says. I shouldn't be so shocked, this' a long time coming. But it still takes me by surprise.
"What?"
"We both need a bit of space so I've moved out of the house" he tells me, giving me a bit more information this time. He's moved out already?
"When?"
"Couple months ago" he says, looking down at the floor. Two months and he's only telling me now? Suddenly I think about Avery, and how I've been keeping things from her for just as long. Gabriel was right, I've made things worse by leaving it for so long. I will tell her. If I'm pissed off out about this, I can only imagine how resentful she's going to be with me.
"I didn't want you to hear about it over the phone. I wanted to tell you in person" he tells me.
"That's big of you" I dig at him.
"I get that you are angry with me, but I'm your father and you will not speak to me that way" he says his voice more overbearing. "Now get changed, I'm taking you out for lunch"
I start to say but he cuts me off, "Get changed now Norah, I wont ask you again" I haven't heard that voice since I was a little girl, when I accidentally got make-up on the carpet. He walks right past me and out of my room. My temper flares and I pick up the pile of books on my desk and throw them against my door in rage.

I TAKE MY DAD down to the coffee shop, hoping that the familiar place will ease my discomfort.
"So how are you? How's college going?"
"I'm fine. College is fine" I keep my answers short.
"I met a couple of your friends. They seem really nice" he says ignoring my rudeness.
"Yeah there really great"
"And hows your drawing thing going? You're still taking those literature classes?" He belittles me and pressures me all at the same.
"My internship is great and they put me in third year classes. I'm that advanced" I brag, trying to prove that my art is important and valued.
"As long as it isn't interrupting your other studies" he tells me, taking a sip of his coffee.
"No Dad it isn't" I huff, because of course he doesn't care. "I'm really enjoying literature too, I signed up for creative writing next semester"
"Is that really a useful topic? Why not classical literature or history of english language?"
"I'm studying both of those already. And I like creative writing classes...there a lot of fun" and his face shows me that I've said the wrong thing.
"College is not for fun. It's for learning and developing a future career. So that what you've been doing here, just having fun?" he says full of judgement.
"No of course not" I raise my voice.
"Really, cause you showed up wearing that ridiculous dress after spending all night at someone else's house" He says judging me.
"That's none of your business" I tell him.
"I pay for this college, so it is my business" This is why I hate taking his money, he tries to use it as a way to show he cares. But really it's his way of getting out of spending any real time with you. He does it to me and my sisters, and he did it to my mum for there whole marriage.
"You can't tell me what to do, I'm nineteen. I worked my ass off to pay my own way, you contribute like 5%" I refer to my scholarship. The one he moaned at me for winning, because it made us look 'financially inadequate'. His words, not mine.
"And I could easily take that 5% away" he threatens me. He wouldn't dare.
"I don't want to argue with you Dad. Let's just drop it" I say, knowing that if we keep talking about this I will explode. I text Gabriel again, begging him to come here. Why hasn't he replied?
"Fine, but we aren't done talking about this" he tells me, we never are. He always brings up how disappointing I am. "I have some good news. You're sister is pregnant"
"What? Which one?" I joke. To be honest it could be either one. Grace isn't as sweet and innocent as he thinks she is.
"Meg, of course" he says, offended by the thought of his baby girl being that way.
"That's amazing news" I say so excited. Meg's always wanted to be a young mum.
"Yes, we're all thrilled about it" he says so formally, and as if I'm not included in the we.
"How far along is she" I ask wanting to know everything.
"Well, we found out a recently. A couple of week after the wedding..."
I interrupt him before he can finish his previous comment, "Wedding?"
"Meg's"
"Ha-Ha-Ha very funny" I say fake laughing at him. Cause this is obviously some kind of joke.
"Meg and Liam got married over a month ago" he tells me. He pulls his phone out and shows me a picture of Meg in a wedding gown. "It was beautiful. And very last minute. We all told them there's no rush after they got engaged over the summer. But you know Meg, she's always so determined to get things done"
"What the actual fuck" I shout at him in the middle of the coffee shop. I dig my nails into my palms to keep me from throwing something. I'm stunned, not angry, just stunned. "She got married and nobody told me"
"Lower your voice were in public" he tells me off and stars making excuses, "We've all been very busy, we haven't had the time to call and tell you"
"Why didn't anyone tell me she was getting married, I would have come back for it" I ask him calmly.
"It was so last minute. We didn't have time to call and fly you over. And you had classes" he lies.
"There was plenty of time for me to find out and fly home. That's more important than some stupid first year classes" I say, and I can feel my throat tightening and tears forming. I will not cry in front of him. He will never see me cry. He looks at me, clearly wanting to tell me something but not sure how.
"Just say what you want to say Dad" I snap.
"I'm sorry Norah. She didn't want you there" he tells me, punching me in the stomach with his words. "Meg was worried that you'd ruin her day. That you'd find some way to spoil it for everyone" I can tell he feels guilty saying this, but that he also believes it.
"That is not true! Meg would never do this to me. She wouldn't" I look down at my hands and my nails have pierced the skin, and I'm bleeding. But I can't feel it, all I feel is numb.
"I'm sorry sweetie but it is true. I know it's upsetting and that you probably feel..." he starts saying as he reaches his hand out to mine, but I shoot up from my chair before he can touch me.
"I have to go...I need to leave" I hardly say to him because I'm storming out of the coffee shop. My dad shouts after me but I ignore him. I run back to my dorm room. Once I'm inside I try to control the anger that's been boiling over me. And I snap...I snap like never before. Throwing and smashing up my room, too angry to care. I throw whatever I can find glass cups, picture frames, my drawings, my brothers guitar...
wait...no stop, my sub-concious tells me. And I do, right before I smash it against the floor. I can't believe I almost did that. And I collapse to the floor, feeling nothing.