Until Her...

Chapter Thirty-Six

A loud bang inside my room startles me from my sleep. Gabriel's sitting on the floor opposite my bed, his head in his hands. I look at my clock, it's just after 4am. I've only managed to get around 3 hours sleep all night, and I feel physically and emotionally exhausted.
"Gabriel?" I say, my voice sore and groggy from crying. "How did you get in here?"
"Your door was unlocked" he says looking up at me. His eyes are red and dark circles are prominent under his eyes, has he's been crying?
"Gabriel what is it?"
"I screwed up. I really screwed up" he says. Oh god, he did...he slept with her. I get out of bed and sit next to him. 
"I'm sorry Norah" he apologises profusely, refusing to look at me. I pull my arms around him to comfort him, because I can't bare to see him this way. He's been drinking...a lot.  I can smell it on his breath and radiating from his skin. "I...I've ruined everything" he sinks down, resting his head on my lap.
"What ...why don't you tell me what you did" I say calmly even though I'm freaking out inside. I start running my fingers through his hair, as it always calms me down when he does it to me. He's been awol for the last few weeks so he could have done anything to me since then, but I have an awful feeling that it's about tonight. 
"You'll never forgive me" his voice is cracking, and the desperation is clear.
"Gabriel please your scaring me" I beg him.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done it. I'm so sorry I've been a such a terrible person to you. Going behind your back and doing things I'm not proud off"
"What have you done?" I can feel the tears brimming behind my eyes, a feeling I'm becoming all too familiar with these last few weeks. But I hold them off, refusing to let him see the terror in my eyes. There's more to his words than just what he's done with Avery, but why is it that that's all I care about right now.
"Did you sleep with her?" I whisper through my held back tears. Fear and panic overcomes his face and he shoots off of my lap so he can look at me.
"Who?" he asks me seriously panicked.
"Avery" As soon as I say her name relief fill him, which I don't understand and I find extremely annoying. I've just asked if he slept with my best friend and he seems relieved, why won't he just tell me the truth. It's seriously infuriating me now.
"No, oh my god, no of course not...I would never do that" he says as I wipe eyes to relieve the stinging. Relief floods through me like a massive wave. If he hasn't slept with Avery, then what has he done that's so unforgivable.
"Then what is it?" I ask, looking into his eyes. "What have you done?" I can always tell if something's wrong by his beautiful blue eyes. There dark when he's angry, cloudy when he's upset and there bright whenever he steals glances at me. I could fall for him all over again just by looking in his eyes. As they look at me now there completely unrecognisable, something I've never seen before and can't quite place. 
A few minutes later he whispers, "I told Avery about us...well...I told her that I've been seeing someone"
"You didn't tell her it was me did you? You shouldn't have said anything to begin with" I snap at him.
"I wanted to be honest with her. After everything that happened at the bar, she deserved that at least" he explains to me.
"It's hard for me too Gabriel. I don't want to lie to her either, but you should've given her time to stop being so angry with you before you told her something like that"
"She isn't angry with me" he tells me.
"Really, cause she seemed angry at the pub the other week" I remind him. You know, the night she called you out in front of everyone.
"That's why she came over tonight, so we could chat" That's why she was there, just to talk. Now I feel silly for ever thinking otherwise. "I thought she'd be angry with me, but she wasn't. She understood. She kept asking me about who I was seeing, but I told her I wasn't ready to tell people yet. And she seemed to understand that"
"Thank god" I say relieved.
"Turns out she only said those things because she was trying to get me to forfeit" he says, rolling his eyes at the absurdity of it all. "Her and Xavier were both in on it" 
"Well, she played that well didn't she" I tease him.
"Are you going to tell her Norah?" he asks me, not really up for joking right now.
"I don't know" I say and I pull my fingers into his.
"Are you ashamed of us?"
"Gabriel it's not like that I swear. It's just ... it's hard for me. Avery's the only real girl friend I've ever had"
"Norah just tell me the real reason" he calls me out on my crap.
"I'm waiting for you to get bored with me. That way I won't have to tell her at all" I blurt out quickly, like ripping a band-aid. 
"Norah" he huffs at me.
"I know it's stupid. Every good thing I've had in my life hasn't lasted. There's always another shoe that drops, and I'm let down and disappointed all over again"
"That's why you don't want to say anything, because you think I'm going to leave" he laughs at me, but he then sees how serious I am.
"I know you will. Everyone does" I go and crawl into my bed, wanting to escape this conversation. But Gabriel stops me and forces me to look at him saying, "Norah can't you see that I'm in this. I'm all in with you"
"For now. But what about in a month? Or five? What happens then?" My irrational predicament taking over my logic.
"You can't predict the future Norah. I don't know what's going to happen with us, fucking hell I don't even know what's happening right now. But I want to keep being around you"
"So do I" I admit.
"Then you can't keep waiting for one of us to screw up" he takes my face in his hands to stop me from looking away.
"I don't mean too. It's just the way I am. The way I've always been" Gabriel wipes the tears that finally start to pour from my eyes.
"I can make you happy Norah. Why wont you just let me" he pleads with me.
And I struggle to say, "You make me happy. This is the happiest I've ever been in my life. That's what scares me", wanting to be honest with him.
"It scares me too, but that's how I know it's worth it"
"I will tell her. I promise you. I will tell her soon" He pushes his forehead against mine. And I bring him into the bed with me.
"Okay" he says his eyes looking into mine. I kiss him and hold him.
"Was that all you're upset about? It seemed like you wanted to tell me more?" I wonder, remembering his earlier state. And just as Gabriel was about to tell me something my phone buzzes. Gabriel swipes it from the desk and looks at the screen.
"Your dad's ringing you" he says shocked.
"What?"
"I thought you don't talk to your family" he asks confused by all of this.
"I don't" I say and answer the phone before it goes to voicemail. Gabriel gives me an apprehensive look.
"Dad, Hi! Is a... Is everything ok?" I always get so nervous talking to him, especially now with so much time and distance between us.
"I'm sorry Norah, it's actually me" My dad's personal assistant Sandra says. I recognise her voice immediately, I've heard it enough times now. I shake my head at Gabriel, and see the disappointment he feels for me. "I'm calling as I wanted to organise a time and place for you to meet your father this Saturday"
"Saturday?" I ask her, unsure as to what she's talking about. I look over at Gabriel, and I try to be quieter on the phone. He's pretending to be busy doing stuff with the books on my desk, but I know he's really listening.
"Dinner with your father as he's in New York, remember?" She reminds me. I'd completely forgotten that that was happening. Everything around me seems to be going a mile a minute these last couple months and I've completely spaced out about seeing my dad.
"Of course, I remember. That's fine" I say, a little too excited about it. 
"Great, he'll be so happy to hear that. I've emailed you the address and what time to meet him there" she tells me, we chat briefly before I thank her and hang up.
"Oi, who said you could look at those" I say snootily to Gabriel, slamming the sketch book on my desk closed. I'm leaning over his body, and as I do he spins in the chair and pulls me onto his lap.
"Who was that on the phone?" Gabriel asks.
"My dad's assistant, he's in town" I say looking away from him. "He wants to meet me for dinner this Saturday"
"Really?" he says in shock. He knows full well that my family and I don't speak. So the idea of meeting up for dinner is foreign to him.
"He rang me a couple months ago telling me he was going to be in town and wanted to meet, but I didn't think he'd remember asking me, so I forgot all about it" I say. I'm happy that my dad didn't forget about me.
"What does he want?" he says. Not very happy for me and it brings my mood back down.
"I don't know. To check I'm doing okay here in New York" I say trying to think of a nice reason.
"You believe him?"
"No, he's most likely wanting to tell me that I'm throwing my life away and force me to switch my major" I say harshly, because I know what my dad is like.
"Want me to come with you?" he offers. He seriously wants to meet my dad. Am I even ready for that?
"No, I don't think that's a good idea"
"Why not?" he seems hurt, like he genuinely wants to go.
"You really want to meet my Dad?" I ask surprised.
"Of course I do" he says tightening his grip. "Don't worry, he'll love me" He gives me a large cheesy grin and a quick kiss.
"I'm not worried about that. I don't know if I'm ready for you to hear all the shit he's got to say about me"
"Let's just see how the night goes. He might be here because he misses you, you did move halfway across the world. And you never call them to let them know you're okay" he lightly says. I want to snap at him, cause it's not like they ring me either. He only knows small details about my family life, so I know he doesn't mean it the way it sounded.
"Maybe... I don't think that's what it is though" I explain to him.
"Worst thing that could happen is he makes a rude comment to you. If he does we'll leave" he promises me. This could turn out to be a terrible idea, introducing my dad to Gabriel, but he wants to get to know me. To see the real me, and my families baggage is part of who I am, and maybe he might just understand that.
"Okay" I say and see how excited he is for it. I wish he knew what he was getting himself into.
"I'll pick you up so we can go together" and he gently plants a soft kiss on my lips.