Without You I'm A Lost Boy

Alison Cole

Her tears fall on the paper as she writes "I'm so sorry Mikey, I love you but the way I feel inside hurts too much. I have tried to get past this but I can't, i tried to stay strong for you, you mean the world to me, but everything comes to an end and I'm sure in time you'll forget me. Please live a normal life, for me. Fall in love with some beautiful woman and give her the world, always tell her that she is beautiful and you love her, because the way you say those words was the only light in my life. I love you Michael Gordon Clifford, goodbye."

Alison Lynn Cole had decided to kill herself, Alison had severe depression, she thought she could cope with it without medication but these days she rarely left her bed and cried all day. She had lost her will to live, despite being in a relationship with the most amazing man she had ever met, Michael Clifford, he tried to understand her pain but he never could grasp just how damaged she was.

Alison now sat at her desk writing her goodbye letters to the ones she loved, Michael her boyfriend, her last living relatives her aunt Sarah and uncle Joe, and a separate letter to each of the three friends she met through Michael, his band mates, Ashton Irwin, Calum Hood, and Luke Hemmings. She told them that she knew their band would huge one day and she loves all three of them like the brothers she never had, she told them that they are all amazing and nobody could have saved her, she just hurt too much.

Alison was an only child and both of her parents had died when she was young, so she lived with many different relatives until she turned eighteen when she moved out on her own. Ailson had a great childhood and was a very happy kid but as she hit puberty and her hormones began to kick in her mental illness became apparent, it was never terrible for her and she just had bad days, but as time went on she became worse.

Alison signed her name on the last letter, slipped it in an envelope, licked the terrible tasting glue, sealed it, and in neat print she wrote Luke's name. She collected all the letters in her trembling hands and walked them to the kitchen table, Alison lays each sealed envelope on the table so they can all be seen. After each letter containing her final goodbyes is neatly placed on the table, Alison makes her way to her bedroom where she hides the gun that only she knows about.

Tears running down her face she pulls out the drawer on her bedside table and wraps her fingers around the cold metal of the gun, she lays the gun on her bed and drops to her knees to say a prayer of forgiveness. "God, if you're listening please forgive me for this but I can't keep going through this pain,i tried for so long to be okay. Please take the pan away. I wish to be dead, I'm so sorry."

As Alison places her hands on the bed to push herself up her legs fail her and she ends up on her knees again. With a shaky hand Alison grabs the loaded gun and places it to her temple, she looks up as she starts to squeeze the trigger. Just as she pulls the trigger back far enough to release a bullet she hears Michael scream, "Alison, no!" She hadn't heard him come into the apartment, she looks over to her boyfriend with tears in her eyes as a bullet escapes the barrel of the gun and everything goes black.

A/N: I promise it gets less graphic later, I just feel like those details are important to the story