Without You I'm A Lost Boy

Give Me Therapy

Around two in the afternoon the next day Doctor Robinson says I can go home, Ashton helps me get everything together and we leave. I call Calum when we get in the car to let him know I've been released and I'm on the way back to my place, he says he and Luke will meet us there.

We arrive at my apartment and Ashton helps me grab all my things and we go inside, I feel like I haven't been home in years when it's really only been two days. Ashton sets my things down and I start to walk through my home, I know the guys didn't have a way to get into my apartment while I was in the hospital so I know deep down that nobody cleaned my bathroom after I passed out.

I slowly make my way to the bathroom door and turn the cold brass colored knob and flip on the light, before me is a pool of dried blood and I didn't think the sight would bother me so much. I feel my knees give out and I begin to buckle, I feel Ashton catch me before I hit the floor and I have never been so grateful to not be alone.

"Mikey, it's alright, I've got you man." Ashton says to me as he lowers me to the ground and kneels beside me.

I throw myself into his arms and sob like a little kid, he keeps me wrapped in his arms until I've collected myself. I don't care that I am a mess right now, I should be embarrassed that I'm a grow man crying like a baby in my friends' arms but I'm not. Ashton grabs a roll of toilet paper for me to wipe my eyes and nose on, I give him a small smile as I clean my face and sit with my back to the wall.

"Thanks for being here Ash, I'm really glad I'm not alone. You have been so supportive through all of this and I know Ali meant a lot to you guys too. I really do love you three, you're my brothers." I say once I've calmed down.

"I love you too Mike" Ashton say's as he hugs me.

Ashton helps me off the ground and we go sit in my living room and wait on Luke and Calum, who are about fifteen minutes late. My heart begins to race and my chest gets tight, I can feel a panic attack bubbling up inside me. I begin to worry that they got into an accident and their dead, I begin to hyperventilate and Ashton tries to calm me down but it doesn't work and tears begin to spill from my eyes. Just as I pull out my phone to call them Calum and Luke come in like they aren't half an hour late.

"What took you so long? I was starting to get worried!" I say with more attitude in my voice than I meant to."

"Whoa Mikey chill, we're okay. Jack came to visit yesterday and I was talking to him about everything that's been going on with us all. I lost track of time, sorry to worry you dude." Luke says and I notice his eyes are red, he's been crying.

I get up and hug Luke, "Luke I'm so sorry, I didn't know. I keep forgetting that you guys are suffering too. I just got worried when you guys we're thirty minutes late, I started assuming the worst and I can't bare the thought of losing any of you three." My breathing speeds up as I bite my bottom lip to keep from crying again.

I get mad at myself for being an emotional wreck and storm away into my room. I flop down on my bed and close my eyes, getting angrier at myself by the second. I hear my door creak as it opens and Calum steps into my room, a few seconds later I feel the bed dip where he lays beside me.

"Mikey, what is going on with you? Why are you so angry?" Calum asks quietly so that Ashton and Luke, who I know are just outside the door listening, can't hear.

"I don't know Cal, I just...I miss Ali so much and I know you guys do too but I forget that it's just as hard on you guys as it is on me and I'm just being so goddamn stupid and blind to your feelings. I feel like shit because you three are hurting too and here I am wallowing in self pity like a fucking child." I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling as I talk.

"Michael, yes we're hurt but you loved her in a way we never did, she meant everything to you. When we moved to America you were so unhappy but once you met Alison everything changed and you became happy again and it had been so long since I had seen you smile, I knew she was the one for you. You need to stop bottling all this up and exploding, cry when you need too, go see that therapist and get better Mikey. If you need more time we can postpone the tour until you get better, you being okay is way more important than any tour." Calum reassures me

I begin to calm down and go back to the living room, we all sit around talking for a while. When it gets late they all start to leave, I catch Ashton and ask him to stay and he agrees. I let him sleep in my bed and I take the couch since he slept on the hospital couch for me, tomorrow is the day I go see the therapist and I'm very nervous.