My Life As Clare Jonas

Chapter 31

Wednesday
"We gon' dance in my living room, slave to the way you move, hurts when I am leaving you just dance in the living room, love with an attitude"
Nick's pov
I rolled over and turned the alarm off my phone and saw that it was eleven so I sighed and put the phone down and looked over at my two girls, my amazing wife and my beautiful daughter and I thought about yesterday and the day before because I haven't had the time to really process it and all I could think about was how scared I felt at the airport when Clare collapsed, she looked so pale, her breathing was faint, and at the hospital when she was sleeping and hooked up to the IV she just looked so small and fragile like the day she was born. She was so tiny in my arms and I just remember promising that I was going to do anything I could to protect her and I knew something was going on and as her father I should have done everything I could to find out what it was but I didn't and instead she ended up in the hospital but now that I know what was the cause I am going to make sure this doesn't happen again. I am going to do everything I can to protect her even if I have to protect her from herself. I looked at her one more time and gave her a kiss on the forehead and got out of bed without waking Demi or Clare and walked downstairs to the living room to see joe making coffee and Kevin sitting at the counter.
End of POV
Joe: morning
Kevin: good morning
Nick: morning, where are the girls?
Kevin: I think we should just let them sleep in, we aren't doing anything today anyway
Nick: yeah that's what I was thinking too
Joe: how are you? You know after everything?
Nick: coffee first and then we can talk
Joe: haha okay
(A few minutes later the coffee is ready and joe serves nick and the three of them are sitting at the counter)
Kevin: so want to tell us what's going on in that brain of yours?
Nick: I haven't even really been able to process it, I mean I can't believe that our own fans would hate on Clare and then still call themselves fans
Joe: those aren't the real fans they're just jealous
Nick: that doesn't make it okay though, and what's going to happen when we go back on tour? How is she going to cope with it this time?
Joe: she's going to have us and Demi
Nick: she has us and Demi and look what happened, I know Clare said she wasn't going to keep secrets anymore but she still has to earn that trust, what if she relapses except this time the consequence is diabetes
Kevin: that's why your scared isn't it? You think that she's going to become diabetic at some point
Nick: of course I am that's been my biggest fear for her since she was little and now that the doctors think she's at risk I am terrified
Kevin: don't worry we won't let it get to that point and joe and I were talking and we think maybe we should postpone the tour at least a few weeks, we all need down time after this and Clare's going to need to get into a routine which is going to take time
Joe: yeah I think right now her health is our number one priority and until we know that she's doing a little better we shouldn't even talk about getting on the road again
Nick: are you guys sure?
Kevin: yeah
Joe: yeah
Nick: (sighs) okay well in the meantime I guess we could get back in the studio and start writing again
Joe: see there's something we could do as well as a couple interviews here and there
Nick: what are we going to tell the fans though?
Kevin: normally I would say we be honest but this isn't just about us this is about our family and specifically Clare and I don't think she's going to want to tell the world what happened yet
Nick: I agree but I also don't want rumors going around either
Joe: there's always going to be rumors we can't control that
Nick: I know but I think we should do one more interview just to tell them we are going to postpone it for a few weeks because of personal family matters
Kevin: okay I'll ask Phil to book us one but when?
Nick: Friday?
Kevin: okay I'll text him later
(Then Dani, demi and Sophie walk downstairs)
Sophie: so this is where our husbands snuck off too (walks over to joe and pecks him on the lips)
Joe: well good morning to you too
Demi: what time did you wake up?
Nick: eleven
Dani: what are you guys talking about?
Kevin: we were just telling nick that we could do an interview saying we are going to push the tour back a couple weeks so Clare has time to get better
Dani: I think that's a good idea it's going to be an adjustment for everyone
Demi: I agree now I have a serious question
Nick: what?
Demi: what should we make for breakfast?
Joe: (laughs) that's your serious question?
Demi: yeah so what should we make?
Nick: eggs and bacon sounds really good
Demi: okay we'll make that then
Nick: actually babe
Demi: yeah?
Nick: joe, kev and I will make breakfast, can you go upstairs and wait for Clare to wake up? I know Alena and Tina are up there but I really don't want her up there without an adult
Demi: yeah of course (pecks him on the lips) I'll come down later when she wakes up
Nick: thanks your the best
Demi: (smiles) don't forget it
Dani: well nick since you offered to make breakfast I think Sophie and I are going to take advantage and watch tv on the couch
Kevin: go on and relax you guys deserve it
Dani: aren't you the greatest (pecks him on the lips and then her and Sophie walk into the living room)
Clare's pov
I woke up to demi laying on the bed watching something on her phone so I leaned closer to her and she wrapped an arm around me.
End of POV
Demi: morning princess how did you sleep?
Clare: good I like snuggling with you and dad
Demi: aw your so cute
Clare: where is he?
Demi: downstairs you want to go down or you want to sleep some more?
Clare: what time is it?
Demi: twelve
Clare: let's get up I could never sleep past twelve (sits up)
Demi: you can if your still tired it's okay
Clare: no it's okay let's go
Demi: alright we'll get you some breakfast too
Clare: okay...
(Clare and Demi walk downstairs to see Alena and Tina awake and eating breakfast at the table)
Joe: good morning cutie
Clare: morning
Kevin: morning, how are you feeling?
Clare: I am good
Nick: that's good to hear (walks over and hugs her) so the doctor said to start off eating small so I want you to have cereal with half a banana
Clare: that's too much I don't think I can eat that
Nick: sorry kiddo but your going to have too, sit at the table with joe and Sophie and I'll get your cereal
Clare: fine... (walks over and sits with joe and Sophie)
Sophie: hey love
Clare: hi aunt Sophie (hugs her)
Dani: don't I get a hug?
Clare: haha of course aunt Dani (gets up and hugs her and nick comes back with the cereal and half the banana)
Clare's POV
Dad placed the cereal in front of me and I just looked at it and then back at him and he gave me the look that says "you need to eat it's not up for discussion" so I looked back at the cereal and picked up the spoon and put it in the cereal and just stared at it.
End of pov
Joe: it's not going to bite you Clare, go on have a spoonful
Clare: I can't do this do you know how sugary this is? And do you know what sugar is uncle joe?
Joe: sweet
Clare: yes but it's also fattening, I can't eat it
(Demi walks over to Clare and sits next to her on the opposite side of joe)
Demi: look at me Clare
(Clare looks at demi) I know your having a battle with your brain right now but right now sugar is actually good for you so take a bite please
(Clare stays quiet and looks at the cereal in front of her)
Kevin: it's going to get soggy and I know how much you hate soggy cereal
Clare's POV
Uncle Kevin has a point I hate when the cereal get's soggy because by then it's just gross and I know that no matter what I am going to have to eat it even if I really really don't want to I have to so I took a bite and then another and another and another trying to ignore the little voice telling me how much weight I am going to gain and how many calories I am consuming and I was halfway done with the bowl.
End of POV
Clare: I can't eat anymore I am full
Demi: come on Clare your halfway done, just a couple more bites please
Clare: demi I can't my stomach feels too full
Demi: how about you eat the banana and then your good to go okay?
Clare: fineee (grabs the banana and takes a bite)
Demi: good job I am proud of you (kisses her forehead and grabs the bowl and puts it in the sink)
Nick: I thought she was supposed to eat the whole bowl demi
Demi: baby steps nick, don't you remember how it was with me? I was struggling so bad, Phil had to practically force feed me
Nick: (sighs) I remember it was torture watching you struggle like that
Demi: let's just be grateful you didn't need to force feed her
Nick: yet
Demi: let's hope it doesn't get to that point okay?
Nick: okay
(With Alena and Tina in the living room)
Alena: I don't mean to sound unsympathetic when I say this but is demi really encouraging her like she's five years old?
Tina: your right that didn't sound unsympathetic at all (says sarcastic)
Alena: i am just saying she's fifteen she should just be able to eat, I don't understand what's so hard about that
Tina: she has an eating disorder Alena, it's not that easy for her and we need to be there for her
Alena: yeah I understand that but that doesn't mean treat her like a little girl either, she needs to act like a grown up and do what she needs to do to get better, she has to want to get better and I don't think she does
Tina: I don't know Alena all I know is we just have to be there for her
(Alena doesn't say anything else and goes back to looking at her phone)
Scene change (Bieber- Gomez House)
Selena's pov
Justin and I woke up around nine and we had to go to the studio because we had a recording session and after we got back in the car and started driving to nick's house to go see Clare. I thought about yesterday and how I got the call from Demi that she was in the hospital and my heart stopped I thought it was because something happened at a concert or meet and greet or maybe she broke a bone, the last thing I ever would have thought is that she would get diagnosed with an eating disorder, my baby girl is going to deal with a sickness the rest of her life and who knows how she's going to cope or how many times she's going to relapse just the thought of that scares me. I can't help but wonder if I didn't make her go on tour this summer would she still have gotten anorexic? What if Justin and I let her stay? I was taken out of my train of thought when I felt Justin's hand hold mine.
End of pov
Justin: what are you thinking about babe?
Selena: I was just thinking if maybe we let Clare stay with us this summer maybe she wouldn't have become anorexic
Justin: Selena you can't think like that, if she stayed here she probably would have gotten worse with the crowd she was with, she could have gotten arrested or hurt someone or even hurt herself still
Selena: that's true
Justin: we did the right thing by sending her on tour with nick she needed that time with her dad
Selena: your right (sighs) I am just scared for her now
Justin: I know but no matter what she's going to have us and the rest of her family and as long as we remain as a unit we can get through anything
Selena: I am so lucky to have you by my side (pecks him on the lips)
Scene change
Clare's pov
After demi put the bowl in the sink I joined my cousins in the living room and sat on the couch when I heard my phone ringing in the kitchen and since the adults were busy in the meeting room I got off the couch to go grab it and looked at the caller ID and saw Brent was calling me so I answered.
End of POV
Phone convo
Clare: hey Brent what's up?
Brent: not much I just wanted to check in and see how you were feeling
Clare: I am okay I guess
Brent: what's it going to take for Eva and I to get you out of the house
Clare: I doubt my dad's going to let me out of his sight for a long time but I can ask if you guys can come over
Brent: okay
Clare: hold on let me go in the other room and ask (walks over to the meeting room and opens the door) hey dad
Nick: yeah
Clare: Brent wants to know if he and Eva can come over for a little bit
Nick: yeah that's fine, and did you grab your phone that was on the counter?
Clare: yeah why?
Nick: we'll talk about it later, tell Brent it's fine if he and Eva come over
Clare: okay thanks (gets back on the phone) my dad's cool with it
Brent: okay I'll bring Lexi and Ben too
Clare: okay cool see you in a little bit
Brent: alright later
End of phone convo
Nick: alright hand me your phone
Clare: can I just go on it for a little while
Nick: no give it to me now
Clare: but daddy I just want to play diner dash for a bit I am this close to opening my second restaurant
Nick: Clare this isn't a discussion give me the phone and if you get a call or text I'll give it to you
Clare: fine (hands him the phone) I am going to go shower before everyone gets here
Demi: I'll go with you
Clare: seriously?
Demi: yeah we told you, you can't be in the bathroom by yourself
Clare: I am just going to shower I promise i am not going to do anything else
Nick: we told you yesterday this is how it was going to be so your going to have to deal with it
Clare's pov
I was about to argue back that I should at least be able to shower by myself when the door bell rang so instead of arguing with them I walked over and opened the door and saw my mom and Justin.
End of POV
Selena: hey honey (hugs her)
Justin: how are you? (Hugs her)
Clare: frustrated
Justin: why?
(The adults walk out of the meeting room)
Nick: because I told her that is she wanted to shower demi was going to have to go with her
Clare: I am just going to take a shower i promise!
Selena: Clare we told you that you weren't going to be by yourself and we meant it now if you want I'll go up with you
Clare: I don't want you to go up with me, I don't want anyone to go up with me I just want to take a shower by myself! I can't even sleep by myself, and I can't eat without you guys breathing down my neck! I need some space
Joe: first of all lower your voice before you find yourself in trouble and second you lost the right to privacy when you started keeping secrets and if you want Brent and Eva to come over lose the attitude understand?
Clare: yes sir
Joe: good
Selena: you still want to take a shower?
Clare: yeah... can you come upstairs with me?
Selena: yeah let's go
Clare's pov
I went up to my room which had a my bathroom inside so I closed my bedroom door mom sat on the bed while I went to my closet to look for what to wear and a few minutes later I picked out a lavender oversized crew neck sweatshirt with skinny jeans.
End of pov
Selena: how do you want to do this?
Clare: I guess you can hang out on my bed and I'll leave the bathroom door open...
Selena: okay
Clare's pov
I walked into the bathroom and looked at the toilet and then thought about the sugary cereal I had her for breakfast and I really really felt triggered to throw it back up but my mom is literally right there and I just can't, I wouldn't want her to see me like that so instead I put my towel down and took my pj's off and jumped in the shower. I washed my self and my hair and wrapped the towel around me and walked back into my room and got dressed.
End of POV
Selena: what do you want to do with your hair?
Clare: I was just going to leave it down and let it air dry
Selena: I'll brush it for you come sit
Clare: you haven't brushed my hair since I was little
Selena: I know but I want too
Clare: okay (grabs her brush and sits in front of Selena and she starts brushing her hair)
Clare's pov
Mom was just running he brush through my hair and it was really soothing, it reminded me of when I was little and she would brush my hair before school except there was a lot more hair pulling and screaming and I did not make it easy for her, every morning I would fight because I didn't want to brush my hair because my curls would create so many knots, now it's obviously different. Five minutes later mom was done and we went downstairs when the door bell rang so I got up and opened it.
End of POV
Lexi: Clare!!! (Runs up and hugs her)
Clare: haha hi Lexi I missed you too (hugs her)
Eva: hey love how are you feeling?
Clare: I am better
Brent: what happened?
Clare: we can talk about that later, come on in
Ben: okay
(They walk into the living room where everyone is)
Alena: hey Brent, Eva, Lexi and Ben
Tina: it's good to see you again (gets up and hugs them)
Ben: you too
Clare: and you remember my family and this is my mom Selena and of course Justin
Selena: wait I remember you, you proposed to me on radio Disney like a year ago
Brent: (laughs) yeah that was me
Justin: you did what?
Selena: no need to get jealous it was a candy ring
Justin: I am just messing with you man it's nice to meet you (shakes his hand and Lexi is frozen)
Brent: Lexi you good?
Lexi: y yeah
Justin: I am guessing your a fam
Lexi: yeah, can I give you a hug?
Justin: of course (hugs her)
Ben: she's mine (pulls her back)
Justin: haha you guys are a cute couple
Lexi: (smiles) thanks
(Everyone else says hi to each other)
Clare: is it okay if we go outside?
Nick: yeah that's fine
Clare: thanks
(They all walk outside and sit by the pool)
Eva: so how was the tour?
Alena: it was so much fun
Lexi: what was your favorite place to see?
Tina: definitely Verona
Clare: yeah but I also enjoyed London because we got to see the Harry Potter set
Brent: I saw pictures and I was literally telling Eva we need to go!
Clare: which house are you?
Brent: hogwarts is that even a question
Clare: yes! (They high five)
Clare's pov
We spent the next couple hours talking about the tour, and the concerts and meet and greets. Brent was telling us that he just started filming light as a feather and we all kind of just avoided the pink elephant in the room for a little while until dad opened the door and came outside.
End of POV
Nick: how do you guys feel about burgers and hot dogs with fries?
Eva: that sounds great
Lexi: sure
Ben: I love burgers
Nick: what about you Clare?
Clare: uh yeah that's fine
Nick: alright I am going to go bring the burgers out
Clare: okay
(Nick goes back inside)
Clare's POV
A few minutes later everyone was outside grilling burgers and uncle joe hooked up the speakers so we started playing music and it was just really nice having my friends here and my family and everything was going great until uncle Kevin said the food was ready. We all sat down at the table and Justin handed me a hot dog with fries and I silently thanked him because a hit dog is a lot smaller then a burger but my stomach was still churning at the thought of eating it. Everyone got served and they started eating and I just stared at the hot dog like I did with the the cereal with all these thoughts running in my mind about how fat the hot dog is and if I eat it then I am going to get fat, and then I am never going to be good enough for anyone, I am never going to feel confident if I keep gaining weight and I am really struggling here. Not only that but my everyone is here and I really don't want to expose my secret to Brent and Eva because they might look at me differently, I was taken out of my thoughts when Justin said something.
End of POV
Clare: what did you say Justin?
Justin: I said your hot dog is going to get cold so you should take a bite
Clare: your right (picks up the hot dog and looks at it)
Brent: Clare are you okay?
Clare: I can't do this (puts the hot dog down and runs inside)
Eva: is she okay?
Demi: I'll go and talk to her, I'll be right back (gets up from the table)
Nick: I'll go with you
Demi: it's okay I got this babe (gives him a kiss and walks inside and finds Clare sitting on the couch playing with her hands) what happened?
Clare: I just kept looking at the hot dog and the voice inside my head just kept telling me don't eat it your going to get even more fat but if you don't your going to expose yourself
Demi: what do you mean?
Clare: I haven't told them why I was in the hospital and I don't want to
Demi: Clare their not going to look at you any differently I promise they care about you, and you have to find the strength in yourself to eat okay?
Clare: what if I can't do it? What if I can't fight this, it's only day one and I am already triggered (starts crying and demi hugs her)
Demi: shh I know it's hard I know but your going to get through it okay, the first couple days are going to be hard but I know you can do it (wipes Clare's tears)
Clare: (sighs) okay
Demi: are you ready to go back?
Clare: yeah
Demi: come on let's go (pulls her up from the couch and they walk back outside)
Clare's POV
I walked back to my seat and uncle joe warmed up the hot dog again since it was getting cold and he handed it back to me. I knew Brent, Eva, Lexi and Ben were looking at Alena and Tina with worried looks and they kind of just kept quiet. Eventually I ate the hot dog and left the fries and mom and dad said that It was good enough and a little while later the adults went back inside and left us to talk.
End of POV
Brent: Clare you still haven't told us why you were in the hospital
Ben: it wasn't just something small was it?
Clare: no it's pretty serious
Lexi: how serious?
Clare: I am anorexic
Eva: oh honey I am so sorry (hugs her)
Clare: I was on tour and the fans were just brutal everywhere we went and on social media it got to much and I started to purge
Brent: Clare you are so much more then you see in yourself, you don't have to look for society for validation
Clare: thanks Brent
Brent: I mean that Clare, I know we have only known each other for a short period of time but you've already become like a sister to us
Clare: don't let Grayson and Ethan hear you say that (laughs)
Lexi: have you told them?
Clare: no you guys and my family are the only ones that know and I want to keep it that way
Ben: don't worry we won't say anything, how are you coping with it?
Clare: well you saw how lunch went...
Lexi: your going to get through this and we'll be there for you
Clare: thanks guys
Ben: Alena how are you and Tina dealing with it?
Tina: we just want to be there for her
Alena: yeah like you said support's important right now
Brent: yeah for sure
Clare: thanks guys for being encouraging and being the best friends any girl could have
Eva: of course, we love you (hugs her again)
Clare's POV
After we finished talking we went back inside and we watched drake and josh until they had to go home because it was getting late, along with Justin and my mom. For dinner demi made grilled chicken with salad and I managed to eat half the chicken with a little bit of salad and then we all went into the living room and just cuddled and watched movies until it was time for bed and I went upstairs with Demi and my dad and put on my pajama's and we went to bed.
End of pov