Bite me (on hold)

Chapter-8- What a freak

I practically tore open my door to my apartment and raced to my bed. I left the door wide open. I didn't care if someone walked in at the moment. then I sat on my bed with my feet dangling off the edge. I buried my head in my hands, and I couldn't fight it back anymore I cried. I just let it all out. Not caring if anyone would spot me through my wide open door. I baled my eyes out. At this moment I really wish that the ground would swallow me whole!

Ugh! why did my life suddenly have to get so frustrating!? Come on!? good god!? what did I do to make you hate me!? please if you clear out my last two weeks and replace them with me dancing on rainbows with unicorns and farting out rainbows, I will love you again!

UGH!

I fell on my bed backwards so I was laying down and my hair was spread out like the sun on my bed. If I had blond hair it would look even more like a sun. I stared at the ceiling. I had a beige color ceiling. It wasn't one of those barf colors that some people have. Mine was a nice shade of beige that for some reason reminded me of the beach with beige sand.

But I wasn't looking at the color of my walls and roof anymore.. I was looking at a picture that I had kept tapped on my ceiling. It was nothing really special to the world. But it was defiantly something that meant a lot to me. It was only a second grade art project, but it's what I had drew on that bright neon blue piece of paper that makes me cry myself to sleep at night. It was a picture of my family. Five years ago. When everything was normal and my life made sense.

I was only eleven years old but I will never forget the day that my mom walked out on me and my family. I rushed out of my room one Christmas day too see all of my presents that lay under the tree, but all I saw was my dad sitting on the couch, head in hands crying. There was a note on the coffee table in front of my father. He didn't see me coming, that or he didn't care at the moment. I quietly snuck over to the table to read the note, i was paralyzed. I couldn't believe what I was reading.

Dear family,

I'm so sorry to be the on to do this but i must leave. I find no more joy in the family I have. The father is not around always out working. I couldn't take it anymore. So I left. I'm sorry lily, I will miss you.

Love:mom

I stood there, starring at the note. What a Christmas present!

My dad was still sitting. Not paying any attention to me, at all! I could tell my dad have loved my mom. He wasn't ready for this. And for her just to take of like that!? especially on christmas! I was incredibly sad. But most of all I felt bad for my dad. And once that had popped into my head is when the tears began to stroke down my moist cheek. I was only eleven. Why did my life have to be so dang impossible!?! then it was weeks later when I hadn't heard from my father in a while. I was watching the news, but only to find out that my dad had killed him self. Police found his body in front of the public hospital. They had footage from the security cameras as they watched him jump. I was only eleven and I had lost both my mom and dad in that one year. It was later that I had gotten adopted to foster home. Thats where I met Maddie. We were good friends and all. But she got adopted a few years later, by nice people she now calls her parents. I didn't. No one loved me, and I get that now.

So it was every time that I look at that picture on my ceiling of me my dad and mom that I cry. And worst of all I don't have anyone to help me and talk me through it. I know there is Maddie and all but there are just some things that we can't talk about. You just need family around. But I had no family left. They were all gone.

I spent a few more minutes that felt like an eternity! until I finally decided to toughen up and stop acting so pathetic.

I ripped myself off of my bed wishing that I could just sleep my pain away. But I didn't. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hands and stood up.

"Great! now I am going to spend the rest of the day wishing the ground would just swallow me whole! fun..."

I mumbled to myself. I walked over to the bathroom dragging my feet on the ground but still managing to stand up. Somewhat.

I looked in the mirror. Fixed my hair, made my crying unnoticeable and put on some makeup. Since my life didnt seem to suck enough the world had to go ahead and make it worst by tossing a vampire in it. Great!

I walked out of the bathroom and sat back on my bed with my arms crossed over my chest and sulked like a two year old.

I never wanted to leave my home. Its not like my life can get any worst! but you know, there's always that chance.

Urg!!

I finally got the courage to go out for a walk. Walking just seems to clear my mind a lot. It just helps me forget about all the things that sucks about my life. But first I had to change and take a shower.

So after I took my shower I went to my room with my towel wrapped around me and picked out some nice blue sweat pants and A loose black t-shirt.

I swung on all my cloths and got ready for my walk. I walked out of my apartment making sure to lock the door so no sicko try's to sneak in while I'm gone. And by sicko I mean joss.

I left my apartment almost sorta happy. But you can imagine how long that lasted. As I was leaving I heard a rustle in the big bush beside the doors to the building.

I could tell by the way the leaves moved that it wasn't the wind. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself that it was just the wind. I knew that it wasn't. "COME OUT!" I hollered at the at the bush. "Crap.." I heard a voice whisper lightly like they had just been caught.

WAIT!? I knew that voice. "Joss?.." I said.

The figure that had been there was none other then joss. Joss had stepped out of the bush with his eyes looking full of guilt. I was way to angry to care.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!? STOP STALKING ME!" I screamed at him when I was sure it was him cause I could see his eyes.

His dreamy dreamy eyes..

Stop! snap out of it lily! your mad remember that!

"Lily I'm sorry, you don't understand.." joss trailed calmly yet worried.

"NO IM PRETTY SURE I DO KNOW!!!!! YOU ARE STALKING ME! WATCHING MY EVERY MOVE LIKE A FREAK!"

I shouted at him at him! why did he have to be such a jerk!? can't I go for a walk without being stalked!?

Idiot

"No! please don't think that! I'm not! I'm just protecting you-" joss said shaking his hands. Before I cut him off.

"PROTECTING ME!? SERIOUSLY!?!? YOU DON'T NEED YOU TO PROTECT ME! IM A BIG GIRL NOW! I DON'T NEED YOU TO "TAKE CARE OF ME"! OR PROTECT ME! EVERY DAY THERE IS ALWAYS GONNA BE SOMETHING THAT CAN KILL ME! AND I DON'T NEED YOUR SO CALLED PROTECTION! SO JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!"

.

I was so not in the mood for all this! this was the last thing I really needed right now. UURG!

I turned around and started walking away. I don't care what happens I am going for my walk and that is final.

"Lily, please you-"

"Don't! just don't. And leave me alone. For good." I said as I kept on walking without turning around even once.

Ok, I couldn't help it, so I turned around just for one last glance of joss. His eyes were full of sadness and guilt. I felt only a little bit bad for the guy. But then I was over it. He really shouldn't stalk me.

What a freak.

I turned back around without a word and began to walk. That's when I felt the tears coming back. I held them in. But I'm not sure how much longer I can hold them in for.

Then a tear had somehow managed to escape my eye.

I was crying. Again. Great!