it's only love - mclennon

Awake

Paul was once again in a hospital room, except this time he wasn't watching himself. He was in the bed. He had just woken up and he felt a pain in his chest. He sat up slowly and looked down, seeing gauze wrapped all around his chest. A nurse saw him and ran in. "You're awake!" She smiled. She hadn't been sure he ever would be.

Paul still thought this was a dream, but he looked around, and it seemed so... real. He thought back to his previous dreams. All of them had been in 3rd person except for the very first one, where he and John were shot. It seemed like ages ago now, even though his first dream had only been a few weeks ago. He realized he hadn't responded to the nurse yet, and she looked worried. "Uh, yeah, I'm awake, I guess,"

The nurse had to perform a few tests to make sure he didn't have amnesia or anything like that, and Paul just sat there and complied with the tests, still confused. He was dreaming right? He knew he was going to wake up at some point, but he figured since he was in his own body and had control over what was happening, he should do what he would normally do in the situation. When the nurse finished the tests, she looked at him sadly, as though she just remembered something tragic. "You were brought into the hospital with John Lennon, right?" She asked, biting her lip nervously. This was her least favorite part of the job.

"Uh, yeah, I guess. We were both shot, right? Is he okay?" Paul had forgotten that John had been in the first couple dreams, but, still believing this was fake, wasn't worried about whether or not John was dead or alive, more just curious.

"I'm sorry Mr. McCartney, he's dead. He was shot in the heart and died before they could even start his operation,"

Paul sat there numb. He felt weird. He knew it was fake but it made him sad to hear someone say that the love of his life was dead. He hoped this dream would be over soon, so he could finally go back to John. He just nodded at the nurse, and she left, figuring he would want to be alone. She knew the two men were lovers. It had been on the news the night before they had been taken to the hospital. A crazed fan had broken into their apartment and found them making out on the couch. It had been national news. There were riots. The next day, when the two men stepped out of their apartment, there were two gunshots.

———

It had been a week. Paul had realized it wasn't a dream after the first day, and that's when he broke down. John was dead. He was really dead. Not to mention the whole world knew he was gay now, but Paul didn't really care about that. John was dead. John had been dead for weeks. Everything that had happened in the past month had been fake. All of those memories were dreams. Paul had thought it was the other way around up until that point.

Paul had spent the majority of the time since he woke up crying, or staring blankly at a wall, or talking on the phone with George and Ringo, neither of them were able to visit Paul without getting attacked by the press and being called "queer" themselves, and Paul didn't want to drag them into it. Paul felt completely and utterly hopeless. Nothing made him feel better. Even every tear he cried only made him miss John more.