something to do (Pavel Chekov)

18

Pavel has been sore between his legs for a while now and he's pretty sure he knows why. He had the same problem in his teens, he's more or less used to it. After what happened to him as a child, masturbation caused a horrible guilt within him. Even with all his time with Eadie, he never even told her about it. He can't explain the self-hatred he has for the urges he gets. He tells himself it's wrong, that he shouldn't be touching himself that way. He knows he mightn't get another chance for a little while yet and if he doesn't, the uncomfortable ache he has will stay. He gets it over with, trying to clear his mind and not fixate on the guilt. It only gets worse when he's finished. He mutters to himself about what he shouldn't be doing and washes his hands, telling himself he needs to go back to Eadie. He needs to go back to her.

McCoy is surprised to see Pavel back.

"You were gone fifteen minutes... You can spend a little longer if you want."

"That was long enough. I want to be back with Eadie."

McCoy gives him a look but doesn't comment, deciding to leave it for the evaluator to handle. Pavel stays and waits patiently, McCoy disappears for a little while. It isn't so hard waiting when there's so much to look at in medbay. Pavel studies her vitals monitor and the other nurses milling around medbay.

Eadie wakes up with a jump and she looks around for Pavel. He sits beside her bed and she sighs. She tells Pavel she had almost forgotten about what she'd heard earlier and it was nice for just a few seconds. McCoy sees her and comes over, pulling a pair of gloves on. She looks a little uneasy and McCoy puts up a privacy screen around her bed.

"I can wait elsewhere..." Pavel suggests, looking to Eadie.

"Just face the other way," she says softly, he decides not to argue.

McCoy has cream in one hand and a phallic shaped applicator in the other and Eadie gulps.

"It won't be near as bad as it looks," he promises, pulling up the blanket that's over her legs. "Are you ready?"

She looks up at the ceiling and gives him a nod, gripping the edges of the biobed and trying not to look half as scared as she feels.

"See," McCoy says. "It's done now. That should dissolve in about half an hour. That wasn't so bad, hm?"

Eadie nods and looks a little uncomfortable. McCoy pulls the blanket down and goes to put his tools away and Pavel turns back to Eadie. He brushes her hair from her face and she frowns. He pulls his hand away and she makes a face, sitting up a little.

"It's hurting," she says softly. "Like, it's really hurting. McCoy! McCoy get this thing out of me!"

McCoy turns back over and Pavel gasps realising there's blood starting to appear on the blanket. McCoy's eyes widen and he moves the blanket off. Pavel looks away and Eadie starts to cry in pain. Pavel gives her his hand and she squeezes it, starting to cry louder.

"Nurse!" McCoy calls, urgency in his voice. "Nurse, she's haemorrhaging! Get here!"

A few nurses come over and one of them tries to move Pavel away. He shakes his head a little and Eadie tightens her grip around his hand. The nurse starts moving Pavel and Eadie doesn't let go of his hand. Pavel has seen that look of fear in her eyes before and he takes a step closer to her, asking the nurse softly that he stays with her.

The nurse takes a second and decides to leave them, going to McCoy's side and preparing a hypo. Pavel sees the hypo and realises what's about to happen. Eadie starts thrashing and the nurses try to hold her down.

"We're trying to help you, dammit!" McCoy mutters, nodding towards the nurse who just goes ahead and quickly presses the hypo into her neck. She goes quiet and passes out, McCoy and the other nurses can start working properly. She's still bleeding everywhere and Pavel takes a few steps back, realising just how dizzy he is. He can still hear Eadie screaming and his hand shakes as everything starts flooding back to him all at once. The visitors holding her down, him being completely unable to help, the screams, the thrashing. The air leaves his lungs and he starts gasping for air that doesn't come to him. He can't breathe and his head spins. A nurse notices him freaking out and comes over, putting an oxygen mask over his face.

Pavel has holes in his memory when he wakes up. He remembers Eadie. He remembers getting dizzy and that's about it. He looks around for Eadie and he can't see her. His heart starts racing and he calls out for Eadie, for a nurse, for anyone.

A nurse appears out of nowhere and leans in close to him. "Mister Chekov? Don't worry, you're okay. Your friend is in surgery right now. She'll be fine too."

"Can I see her?"

"Soon," she says, putting a hand softly on his shoulder. "She's still in surgery. You can see her when she comes out."

Pavel nods but he feels uneasy by himself. He feels hazy and he asks how long she'll be in surgery. The nurse can't give a definite answer and he bites the inside of his cheek, wishing he wasn't so uptight about being away from her. The nurse tells him she has someone waiting to talk to him, someone who'll help ease his anxiety. Pavel isn't in the mood for talking but deep down he feels like he needs any help he can get. He just nods, too tired to say otherwise.

A man introduces himself to Pavel as Doctor Kotir and takes a seat beside the biobed. He asks Pavel to start by telling him what happened a few minutes prior and Pavel does, going over what he can remember. He goes over the memories that came flooding back and he finds himself tearing up.

"I'm sorry," Pavel says quickly. "I don't know why this is happening."

"You're having a normal reaction to grief," the doctor assures him. "It's normal to feel on edge after something like that."

Pavel nods, drawing a deep breath and wiping his eyes. He wants Eadie back. He wants to go disappear into their room and stay there for a few days. He doesn't know why he's exhausted when all he has been doing is sleeping and passing out.