something to do (Pavel Chekov)

33

For a while, they get lost in a few of the things they told themselves they wanted to do when they got back. Pavel has a piece of toast with white chocolate spread in his mouth and his hands on a book. Eadie is singing along to some music and Pavel insists it doesn't bother him. He listens to her soft voice as she draws in a sketchbook and lays on the floor with her feet up on the couch.

Pavel stays only a little longer and tells Eadie he's going down to engineering for a while. He wants to clear his head. He has a lot on his mind after earlier today and Eadie encourages him to stay busy. She spends some time by herself singing a little more loudly. She has a few friends onboard that she hasn't spoken to yet and she heads to a rec room, finding some people there. They welcome her back as if nothing has changed and she's indescribably grateful for it. They know she doesn't want to tell her story again. They know it'd be hard transitioning back to normal life. They're playing some sort of odd board game and she joins in, listening as they explain how to play.

Eadie stays with her friends for a long while. The one who was on the away mission with her, Spooks, tells her everything that has been happening in the biology labs. He has one blue eye and one green and they light up as he talks about what new projects they've started. She missed how excited they'd get working on things together.

Spooks walks Eadie back to her room when she starts getting tired. They walk together and Spooks goes over the last experiment they were doing before Eadie was taken. They get to Eadie's door and she thanks him for the updates. He pauses for a second.

"I'm honestly so glad that you're back again. The lab wasn't the same without you there."

"I'm glad to be back. I hope they'll let me start working soon. I miss it a lot more than I imagined I would. Believe it or not, it's actually possibly to miss Oito's company."

"I don't believe you," he laughs. "I'll see you soon though, yeah?"

Eadie's door opens and she nods. "Of course. I'll see you soon."

Pavel's there as she comes back in. She comes and sits next to him, resting her head on his shoulders. He seems a little spaced out and she asks if he's alright. He seems reluctant to say anything and she sits up, looking at him and giving him her full attention.

"I'm struggling, Eadie. I don't understand it. I have everything I was so desperate for and one part of me is just as miserable as I was in the cell. It doesn't make sense. I thought I'd be happy. I thought I'd be so much better! But I'm here and I'm with you and I feel like if I spend too much time around you, I'm just going to drag you down."

Eadie is quiet for a few seconds, letting everything he said sink in. She puts a hand on his knee and he meets her eyes.

"It was never supposed to be like this," he says, defeated.

"I know. This isn't what we dreamed of. We didn't even think about this rocky transition back into real life because real life was wishful thinking. It was us trying to protect ourselves from being frightened of dying in there without ever seeing the sky again."

"I want to go back to Earth for a while but I'm petrified it won't be any better. I've spent so much time around star charts and maps and yet I'm still as lost as ever."

She places a gentle peck on his cheek and gives him a gentle smile. He takes her hands and squeezes them. She squeezes them back and suggests they have a sleep and bring their concerns to a session tomorrow and Pavel just nods. They go into their bedroom and Pavel pulls his shirt off, replacing it with a clean one. Eadie pulls something out of the drawers and takes it into the bathroom. Pavel lies on the bed and stares up at the ceiling. Eadie joins him and kisses his cheek softly before cuddling up to him.

"I'm sorry I jump so quickly from happy to upset. I don't mean to be so difficult."

"You're not difficult," Eadie mutters. "I love you. Get some sleep."

Pavel wakes up screaming. Eadie is trying to calm him but he's hysterical and his hands are shaking. She looks at his hands and notices he's signing.

HELP ME

Over and over.

Eadie takes his hands and holds them. She says his name softly until his sobbing slows. She tries to bring him back and he opens his eyes. She kisses his cheek and he gets up, disappearing into the bathroom and shutting the door. Eadie sighs goes and gets herself a drink. She doesn't know what she can do until he comes out. She knows he has some sort of spray to calm himself in the bathroom but otherwise, she isn't sure why he's locking himself away.

"Pav," she says softly.

There's no reply. She calls his name again and there's still nothing. She sits outside the bathroom door and sighs, wondering how long he'll be in there for.

Pavel stays in the bathroom for nearly an hour. He comes out and Eadie realises she was dozing off again. She stands up and he looks to her.

"They were cutting you open. It was so real. I was chained to a chair and I saw your organs. I'm sorry. It was so real."

"I'm here now. We're both okay. Want to come sit down for a while? You don't look so well."

He nods and they sit back on the bed. Eadie hugs around Pavel's waist and he doesn't say it but he appreciates her warm arms around him. He can't get the dream out of his head and it's eating him alive. He needs to go to medbay and talk to someone but he doesn't want to leave the bed. Eadie shuffles back a little and tells him to lie in her lap. He does and she starts running her fingers through his hair until he can relax a little.

"You remember, don't you?" He whispers

"That you once said my fingers in your hair was the only thing that would help you relax? Yeah, I do."

"When I was in the academy I used to dream about having someone who paid attention to the things I said and cared about the little things like that. It means the world to me. Maybe that's why I'm so scared to lose you."

She pulls gently at his curls and he finally starts to smile.

"I love you," she says tenderly. "Try and relax just a little, okay? Have another sleep with me and we can go to medbay later."

He mutters something in sleepy Russian and closes his eyes. She leans against the wall and for a few seconds, she remembers the cell and simpler times. And for a few seconds, she almost, almost misses it.