something to do (Pavel Chekov)

47

They unpack a lot again. Pavel cries for most of it though he can't exactly pinpoint why. He's feeling a whole lot of things and he realises actually talking about them all is exhausting and a pain. He never thought he could have so much going on in his head at once without knowing it. Doctor Kotir seems to know just the right questions to provoke Pavel's analytical mind he isn't sure whether that's a good thing or not.

"Do you feel any better?" Doctor Kotir asks, a long while after they've finished talking.

Pavel looks up at the doctor and opens his mouth slowly. "Are you going to be offended if I say no? I feel like I've cried and vomited words at you for an hour or more. I feel more unstable than when I came in here and I feel like as soon as I go back to my room, Eadie will ask me what happened, and I'll lose it again."

"Perhaps," Doctor Kotir muses. "But I think you've made progress regardless."

"Once again," Pavel starts, "no offence, but this whole thing of other people telling me how much progress I've made is just... Annoying almost... I don't see how other people can gage that, you know? Maybe, you know a lot more than me about how I am responding to my own feelings because you're qualified. I don't know. I just don't think McCoy making me do this when I'm not in the mood is really helping all that much. If I felt I needed help I'd ask."

"But you don't," Doctor Kotir quickly says. Pavel waits for him to continue. "You don't seek help. You haven't once. But people typically don't after trauma. Hence why Starfleet has these protocols in place and why McCoy is always on your back about it."

Pavel sighs. "May I go? I... I need to sleep. I've been running a lot."

Doctor Kotir looks at him and nods. "I can't force you to stay. I can force you to return at some point. But I'm sure you'll come back when you feel you need to, yes?"

"Right," Pavel says, though he doubts he'll be back on his own volition anytime soon.

Eadie is lying on the floor when Pavel returns. Her hands are crossed over her stomach and she's staring at the ceiling. Pavel is about to run over and see if she's alive but she sits up to look at him as soon as he comes in. She rubs her eyes and he doesn't know what to say to her as she sits there in front of him. He goes into their bedroom in silence and removes his shoes and socks before coming back out.

'How was your run?' Eadie signs.

"Sweaty," Pavel mutters. "I only got three miles in."

'McCoy?' she signs. He nods in return. He asks why she was lying on the floor and her first response is to shrug. "S-s-spaced out," she mutters, looking up at him.

"Don't you have a shift in the next few hours?"

Eadie shrugs again and Pavel mutters that she either does or doesn't. She frowns at him and stands up, going into the kitchen and retying her hair. She starts drinking a glass of water and Pavel comes and joins her, leaning against the bench and not saying anything.

'Not today,' she signs, when she knows he's looking. He nods telling her he's going back to sleep.

Eadie joins Pavel. He doesn't mind. She falls asleep curled up in his arms and he stays awake a little longer. He's running over his conversations with Doctor Kotir in his head and it takes a long while before he can stop thinking long enough to sleep.

Pavel wakes up in a cold sweat. He figures it's better than screaming but the creatures are still lurking behind his eyelids and he's angry that he can't just sleep without them interfering. He lies there and Eadie grunts, reaching out to find his body them pulling herself back close to him again. He tries a second time and has a little more luck. He wakes up on his stomach with Eadie almost on his back. She grunts when he moves and he feels a little bad leaving her there but he needs to go to the toilet and have something to eat before his stomach caves in on itself.

Eadie comes out when Pavel's halfway through breakfast and he asks if she wants anything to eat. She shakes her head and he just raises an eyebrow a touch before going back to his meal. She signs to ask what he's planning on doing and he finishes his mouthful before telling her he's going running again. He might get lost in engineering for a few hours later as well and she just nods. He asks what she's doing and she shrugs. He wonders if she doesn't have plans or just can't sign what she plans to do.

Pavel runs five miles this time and his legs are gelatinous afterwards. He sits down on the bench trying to catch his breath and he tells himself that five miles may have been a dumb idea. He heads back to his room to shower and finds Eadie still there. She's on the floor again and he frowns at her.

"You're not spaced out again? How long have you been on the floor?"

"C-com-comfortable," she mutters.

He tells her he'll be out in a few minutes and watches him hobble into the bathroom. She looks up the Russian sign for 'limping' and signs it to him when he gets out. He looks at her funny and is wondering if she's mis-signing something but she shows him the PADD and he realises it's just a sign he didn't know.

"Never used that one before," he says, copying the sign again. "I ran five miles. My legs aren't taking it well. I can't quite run like I used to after being stagnant in that cell for so long. Five miles used to be standard when I was in the academy."

'I hate running,' Eadie signs.

Pavel gives her a smile and kisses her head gently.

Uh oh forgot this existed again ~~~ enjoy