something to do (Pavel Chekov)

24

Therapy sessions come and go. No matter how much they talk, Pavel can't seem to get a definite grasp on why he feels so damn lost despite having everything he had been searching for in the past eight months. He has a few sessions with Eadie, and he always prefers those. He has a tendency to break down when it's just him and another doctor. He talks about the fear that Starfleet had abandoned them and the moments when Eadie had been taken and he didn't have a reason to keep fighting. He spends a long time trying to clear the cobwebs in his mind but the more they dust away, the more pop up with new fears and worries. Eadie is always tired from her body trying to regrow organs and she desperately wants to get out of medbay.

Time passing in medbay is only the slightest bit easier than what it was in the cell. There's other people to talk to and they don't have the same uncertain threat hanging over their heads but somehow both of them still seem a little trapped. They get a little time to themselves and they talk about how exhausted they are.

"I thought... I thought it was supposed to be easy once we got back. This is just as hard. I just want to go back to our room, Pavel... I want to go back to eating together and singing along to the radio. I didn't think it would be this complicated. I thought we could just enjoy the things we missed out on in those eight months."

"I didn't think it'd be like this either. I didn't even think about psych evaluations and counselling. We're only like this for a little longer though. That's what McCoy said."

Eadie looks over and McCoy comes in, asking if someone said his name. Pavel repeats his earlier train of thought, McCoy's face softening just a touch as they vent their frustrations.

"I can give you two hours to yourself before your next session. I want you to take it easy and page me if anything goes wrong but hopefully it's enough to make you feel a little better."

Eadie and Pavel look to each other and share a smile. They thank the doctor and get up, walking hand in hand back to their room. The door closes and Eadie wraps her arms around Pavel's neck and starts kissing him. He smiles against her lips and pulls her close. They haven't had a chance to properly kiss in far too long and it's finally on their minds again now that they can stop worrying about medbay for just a few hours.

They kiss for a long while and Eadie presses her lips a little more firmly against Pavel. Their hips are in close contact and he worries his excitement is showing a lot more visibly than he'd like it to. If she notices, she doesn't say anything or act any differently.

For a while, they stay kissing up against the wall. Eadie breaks their kiss and suggests they move to the bed and Pavel finds his head shaking at the thought.

"We don't have to do anything... I'm thinking it might be more comfortable than against the wall. I know... I know you don't want to do anything like that, Pavel."

"I'm sorry," he says softly. "Being able to kiss you... Being able to tell you... That was a big thing for me. I get anxious about this stuff easily. I'm sorry, I jump ahead."

"Do you see yourself being able to have a sexual relationship one day? I've always been worried about asking but..."

"I... I don't know. Maybe I can eventually convince myself that if it happens, it won't be like what it was when I was a child. Deep down I know I'd still struggle. I'm scared I'll never be able to enjoy doing that... I was hoping to ask but I was scared of doing so earlier – have you... Have you ever had...?"

"I've had sex before. I had a boyfriend at the academy for about a year."

"Were you scared?"

"I was. Just a little bit. It was really nice though. The first time was awkward but we were able to just laugh through it and after that it was a nice part of our lives. I know of all the things we talked about in the cell together, this was the one area we never touched on. If you want to talk about it, I'd be happy to."

"I know I can always talk to you. That's what I love about us. I just... Give me more time to think before we have this conversation again. I need a little processing time."

She smiles at him and pecks his cheek softly. He smiles back, a little lost in thinking about their conversation. She asks if he wants something to eat and he nods, joining her in the kitchen. She asks what he wants to eat in Russian and he replies by signing.

"White chocolate? Not a meal or something of substance?"

"I just want chocolate," he admits. "They don't let me have much of it in medbay."

"Will you have something else though? You need to something nutritional or McCoy will shove another one of those gel packs down your throat. I'm having nachos."

"I'll think of something," he mutters, yawning. He wants to fall asleep with her and not worry about going back to medbay afterwards. She passes him a bar of white chocolate and he thanks her. She sits beside him eating nachos and nudging his side. He kisses her cheek and continues eating his bar of chocolate. He gets up and plugs something into the replicator, turning around with a bowl of soup in his hands.

They talk for a while about some of their sessions and try not to get too caught up on going back after only two hours. When they're finished eating they lie down on the couch and cuddle close. They enjoy some quiet time, both lost in thought.

Two hours fades quickly. They head back to medbay feeling better than they did two hours prior but not quite satisfied.

"Get some sleep," McCoy tells them. "I won't be here when you wake but trust me, you'll enjoy your sessions tomorrow. Sweet dreams."

Eadie and Pavel look at one another and back to McCoy, swearing he carries the faintest hint of a smug grin. Pavel signs 'goodnight' to Eadie and drifts off quickly. Eadie stays up a little longer, thinking about tomorrow.