something to do (Pavel Chekov)

29

The holodeck fades into this beautiful mountain valley. There's a wooden sign where they enter and Sulu points it out to Pavel.

Take your shirt off. The sun is good for you. – McCoy

Sulu laughs, pulling his shirt off and tucking it into his pocket. Pavel rolls his eyes and does the same. He doesn't feel like walking around. He wants to sit beside Eadie until she wakes up.

"How's your boyfriend?" Pavel asks, wanting to think about literally anything other than what he's going through.

"He's well. We've been spending a whole lot of time together recently. We had sex for the first time about a week ago. He just made me laugh the whole time, which isn't exactly what I was expecting but it was kinda fun. I think he's trying to hide that he's nervous or something. He uses humour to mask everything. It gets a little frustrating sometimes."

"I've been talking about sex in my sessions recently... You're... You're the only person I've told this to."

Sulu looks to Pavel but he's looking out at the mountains in the distance as they walk. "What about it?"

"I'm petrified. I'm scared of it and I don't want to be."

"Are you getting to that stage with Eadie? It's a little daunting. I was scared too, my first time."

"Not exactly like that..." Pavel mutters. "I... When I was a boy something happened to me and it gave me this fear... My... My uncle..." He can't finish the sentence and Sulu puts a hand on his shoulder. "I told Eadie about it because I was scared of dying with that still trapped inside of me. I only told the doctor and it was so hard. You're my closest friend... I want to tell you as well but every time I try and talk about it, it's like I'm living it again. My uncle forced himself on me one night before an exam. I... I was eleven. I'm scared that it'll be like that again..."

"Ah Pavel. That's horrible. It really is. I'm sorry about all the times I've brought up sex in conversation... I'm glad you told me. Hopefully it gives you a little freedom. It actually... The same thing happened to my sister. I was nineteen and she was seventeen. She called me from a party and it was her friend on the phone. She had found her and my sister was drunk and crying and when she got into my car she just started sobbing and told me what happened. She really struggled for a long time afterwards. She's better now. She has a boyfriend and she's really happy."

Pavel can't find any words to voice what's in his head. He stops walking and Sulu wonders if he's struck a chord. Pavel wipes his eyes quickly.

"It's not always like this?"

"She told me she learnt to heal. She said all it took was a little self-love and the right person. Just take it slowly. It won't always be like this."

Pavel gives him a soft smile and wipes his eyes again. They keep walking and after a little while, Pavel requests something odd.

"Can we run? Can we run for a little while? I haven't run since before I was captured."

"You used to run every day at the academy. I'm surprised you haven't. Think you can keep up with me though? I've been running once a week with Ben."

Pavel gives Sulu a grin and takes off, glad to be finally stretching his legs out. He smiles to himself a little as he runs. He's very out of practise, he can feel that as soon as he's been running for more than a minute or two. Sulu keeps up, letting Pavel know just how much he hates running between breaths.

They make it to the bottom of the hill before collapsing on the grass and laughing.

"That felt good," Pavel says, drawing a few deep breaths and grinning up at the sky.

"Do it more often. I'm sure you could come for a run here every day. McCoy would definitely approve, and you look really happy."

McCoy does approve and Pavel starts running through all different landscapes and it keeps his mind off Eadie. McCoy has him on a strict routine and Sulu helps him stick to it. He makes it through the first few days alright. On the fifth day he breaks down and Sulu tries to help him through it. He asks that he can go and see Eadie for a while and McCoy tells him he can visit her a little. He finds his eyes starting to water when he sees her again and he brushes the hair from her sleeping face, whispering to her in Romanian. He tells her he misses her, he tells her that she'll be okay and that things will get better. He tells her he's starting to open up more and that he wants to get better for her. McCoy listens to the tenderness in his voice and wonders what he's saying.

Pavel holds Eadie's hand for a few hours and eventually calms down. He keeps talking to her, wondering if she can hear him or not. McCoy tells him to go back to his room and eat something. He nods, switching to Russian to tell Eadie that he loves her. Her hand twitches just for a second and he wonders if she's trying to squeeze his hand. He squeezes it back but it doesn't happen again. He places a soft kiss on her cheek before he goes and thanks McCoy on his way out. He hopes he'll get to see her again tomorrow.