Only Ever Best Friends

☆ 14 ☆

"Ellie, I..." he trails off.

I'm half expecting him to either explain himself or apologize profusely because LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK, but it also wouldn't surprise me if he spontaneously combusted right in front of me.

But he's just... he's looking at me like he wants to but he's not sure if it's okay...
to do it again.

And what I absolutely cannot fathom, is why I genuinely want him to. Then it happens.
Our lips come crashing back onto each other, and this time I'm kissing him back. Not only that, but I don't want to stop. We're both fighting each other for dominance and neither one is backing down.

He slips his tongue in my mouth, which comes as a shock at first until I find myself doing the same.

Now, I know next to nothing about this stuff... I've never really kissed anyone before, and I had always imagined my first being with some guy I met in high school... maybe even Noah if I was lucky.
But now, here I am, and it's Grayson.
And though, as I said, I don't know much, what I do know is that he tastes amazing.
I know that we're perfectly synced to each other. And lastly, I know that this is what it's supposed to feel like.

His hands slid down to my waist the kiss became absolute necessity, almost like the other person's lips were air and we both couldn't breathe.

Or...maybe we literally couldn't...
Yup. Okay I'm suffocating.

But I'm too scared to pull away because as soon as I do, reality will be staring me in the face. The reality that not only was I just kissed by someone... I kissed them back. And that that 'someone' isn't just a someone, it's fucking Grayson. And I'll have no idea what to say or do when it's over.

Reminding myself that I literally cannot breathe and must come up for air, I push him away and back up a few steps, and double over, panting.

I know he's looking at me, I can feel his eyes on me.

I can either look up or run. And I'm a walker.

Slowly and hesitantly I meet his gaze.
He's terrified.

"Gray..."

"Don't... say anything,"

"Gray!"

"What the fuck did I just do?" he whispered, grabbing fistfuls of his hair.

I don't know how to answer.

"17 years of my life spent playing tag, going on family trips, playing video games, going to museums, having play dates, watching tv, going to the playground..." he trailed off.

"...it's all compromised because of what I just did to you," he finished.

He says it like he's ashamed... like it's a bad thing... like he's a bad guy. He's not.

"You gave me my first kiss," I began,
"so thank you for that."

"I'm sorry I- wait THAT WAS YOUR FIRST?!"

"It was!" I said, shoving him playfully.

"Then... that literally makes everything I just did ten times worse..."

"Why...." I ask.

"Because it was mine too," he laughed, swaying back over to me from my shove.

"Oh..."

Why would he waste something like that on me? He could literally have pulled that on any girl he wanted to....and since when does he even like me that way? Does he know I like him? Why did he kiss me? He's never even hinted at being remotely attracted to me, besides admitting last night.

In the words of a wise woman... 'What the hell we gon' do... now?'