Only Ever Best Friends

✪ 29 ✪

It's now the end of the day, and I'm sitting in the bleachers, watching as Grayson warms up, does drills, etc... but... I'm really watching him.

The way his body moves, the way he runs, catches, tackles, even the way he wipes sweat off his forehead.

What the hell?

When practice finally ends, I have to wait another half hour for him to shower, pack up all his shit, and finally, come out of the locker room.

I prepare myself to say something cocky and annoying when he comes out - make fun of his post-shower hair, tell him he looked like a wet dog, or a mop... I'd tease him.

Because that's what best friends do.
That's what we do.

But when Grayson emerges and starts walking towards me in his wet-haired state, my words aren't there.

Hot isn't exactly a word I've ever associated with either of the boys, because why would I? That's like thinking your brothers are hot.

But now, here I am, rendered speechless at the sight of him.

What happened to the way I used to see him?

"Hey, sorry that took so long."
He says, finally reaching me.

"It's okay."
I reply, finding my words and falling into step with him.

Once we're in the car and the doors are shut,
I turn to look over at him, hoping that he'll be the one to initiate whatever conversation we're about to have.

He chews his bottom lip for a few seconds, then puts the key into the ignition and we exit the parking lot.

For most of the ride it seems as though we're going straight home, until he turns onto a parkway about 3 blocks from our neighborhood that has a

wooded grove a little ways off from the road.

He finally parks the car and we're out of view of the actual road.

"Sorry if this is weird, I just... figured we should talk somewhere private... look, Ellie I'm really sorry I snapped at you like that earlier."

"No... I deserved it for ghosting you."

"Why did you?"

If only it were that simple.

"I uh.... I needed time to process... Because a lot happened, Gray, but I'm so sorry for shutting you out, I feel awful that you lost sleep because of me. And for kissing you and then going off on you for it. I wasn't being fair."

He places a hand on my shoulder and my skin tingles under his touch - something that definitely never used to happen.

"Look, this doesn't have to be anything... Saturday was too far, I know... just promise that you'll stop ignoring me?"

"Promise."

• • •

I go inside and wave goodbye to him.

I should feel like an enormous weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I should be grateful for the way that conversation went; that we don't have to be anything besides what we already are: friends. Best friends - but just friends.

I should be relieved that he can still see me the same way despite what we did. Of course he was upset that I ignored him for three days. How would you feel if your best friend did that and refused to tell you why?

I was the one who kissed him today.
I was the one who was suddenly jealous.
I was the one who couldn't see him the same.

And I should have told him.
Because now I'm keeping secrets from him too.