Only Ever Best Friends

✩ 28 ✩

She springs up, grabs her bag, and heads straight for the hallway. Only this time, I was right behind her.

Seeing no other option, I grabbed hold of her wrist and dragged her outside with me, not stopping until we got to an empty edge of campus.

"Look at me."

She yanked her wrist away and refused.
And I finally snapped.

"FUCKING LOOK AT ME, DAMNIT!"
I heaved my backpack onto the ground, startling her. She flinched but still wouldn't look me in the eyes.

"What is going on with you? Why do you keep ignoring me?! I've been texting you since Monday and you haven't replied ONCE! A-and you keep coming to school without telling me you don't need a ride! Why!

What happened to us still being friends? What happened to 'figuring it out'? Please, just TALK to me!"

[Ellie's POV]

I'd been pissing him off for seventeen
years and yet there was not one instance
where he'd yelled at me like this.
And I felt horrible.

I finally look at him, though my vision was blurry with tears.

His voice immediately softened.
"I'm— I didn't mean t—I just want to know what's wrong."

"Why don't you get it? EVERYTHING. Everything is wrong! How are you totally fine with this? Keeping this from our families and friends? And from ETHAN! Remember him? Your BROTHER?"

"I'm n-"

"And YOU. Don't even get me started on you!
I feel like I don't even know you!"

"Ellie yes you do, don't say that..." he says, putting a hand on my shoulder.

I immediately jerk away from him, causing his hand to slip off.

"I'm not fucking fine with it. I haven't slept since you stopped talking to me."
He suddenly blurts out.

"What?"
I stop and look up at him - it's obvious.
And entirely my fault.

"Because all I can do is lie awake thinking about this, whatever 'this' is... the fact that you seem to suddenly hate me, and trying not to hate myself too.

Look, nothing has felt right since you started ignoring me, and I know that's cliché as fuck and probably not what you want to hear from me right now, but I nee—"

The next thing I knew, he was quiet and my lips were on his... soft, warm, sweet ones. His tired eyes flutter closed and he kisses me back desperately.

It felt amazing... so much better than ignoring him. But then it hits me:

'him' = Grayson
Holy shit, I'm doing it again.

"NO," I said pushing his chest away from me, causing him to stumble backwards, "somebody could've seen you do that."

"ME do that? You just kissed ME!"

"SHIT," I say semi-panicked, looking over his shoulder.

"What?"

"People are starting to come outside for lunch, I need to go. Right now."

"Wh-"

"People know who you are, Grayson, and right now you're alone with a girl, hiding behi-"

"I get it. Look, we can go back inside different ways, but this conversation isn't over. Come to practice and we can talk after. I'll drive you home, okay?"

I nod.

He begins to jog in the direction of the student parking lot, but then turns back to yell:

"Please eat with us today?"

I give him a thumbs'-up and he flashes a smile, then continues to run.

I can't believe I just kissed him again.
What the fuck.

I picked up my stuff and walked back the way he'd dragged me out here and in through one of the side doors, then made my way to the cafeteria.

• • •

When I went through the double doors and spotted our table, I also spotted some girls standing around flirting with Grayson, Noah and Vince. This is a normal occurrence and has been since 8th grade.

It's never meant anything to me, and I've never been angry or bothered seeing him or Ethan get drooled over...

so why is it now causing me
to grit my teeth?
What is wrong with me?

I try to put on a convincing poker face as I walk towards our table.

Grayson sees me and cracks a small smile, then cups his hands around his mouth and shouts:

"Walk faster, slow ass!"

This exclamation prompts the girls who had gathered around to disperse and a weird sense of relief washes over me.

Sophie clears the seat next to her and I sit down across from Grayson. Chatter immediately ensues.

Erica:
"Ditching us to study, huh?"

"Oh shut up, I can be a scholar if I want."
I say, peeling open a can of root beer.

Vince:
"But we haven't seen you since Friday."

Allie:
"Since that... game of truth or dare?"

Grayson chokes on his drink and tries to play it off.

Bella:
"What happens at Erica's parties, STAYS at Erica's parties, okay?"

Noah:
"What is this, Vegas?"

Meg:
"With the way Bel does lap dances..."

Bella:
"Shut up!"

There's some comfort in knowing my friends are also a bit guarded about that night.
It makes me feel like less of a freak.
Less alone. We all did some questionable things and we're all a little embarrassed.

But then I hear Grayson's laugh and an image of him on top of me suddenly flashes through my head, causing me to accidentally bite my tongue. The metallic taste of blood soon fills my mouth as a result. And that's the difference between me and my friends. That's the root of all the confusion and the withdrawal:

what happened after the game ended.