Only Ever Best Friends

✮ 25 ✮

{Ellie's POV}

My normal school day morning routine:

1) Somehow manage to get up.
I say 'somehow' because I'm not a morning person... unless it's summertime.

2) Get dressed.

3) Bathroom.

4) Eat.

5) Go outside and wait for the twins. (Or wait inside until I hear Ethan honking incessantly.)

6) Get in the car. (Maybe slap Ethan for being such an impatient fuck & honking at 7 am.)

But most significantly,

7) Not want to kiss Grayson, not want to touch him, not want to be whatever it was that we were two nights ago.

But right now, quite honestly I don't think I'll be able to get past four.

I have to cover my neck with makeup and whatever the heck else that I never use.

Ready for school, I go downstairs.

"Mom?"

"Yes love?"

"Will you please drive me to school this morning?"

"Is everything okay?"

"I just need a break from Gray."

"You can tell me anything, you know that, right?"

"Of course," I lied.

"Well let's get going then—don't wanna be late."

• • •

I feel weird.
Everything feels weird.
I've known Ethan and Grayson forever. They're my closest friends. Yes, they're boys but that never seemed to make a difference.

Except for maybe a few things like playing with barbies, giving each other makeovers and gossiping about boys, we did everything that girl best friends would do. We had inside jokes, secret handshakes, and we were always forgetting stuff at each other's houses because of how often we were together. Movies, the aquarium, museums, parks, playgrounds, shared family vacations, you name it. They might as well be my brothers.

Now, keeping all that in mind:
I fucked one of them.

Let me repeat:
I FUCKED ONE OF THEM.

Do you have ANY idea how unsettling and not to mention ILLEGAL (if we were actually siblings) that is? I feel icky and awkward and I don't even know what else. It might not seem like as big a deal as I'm making it, but the fact is that he's someone else now. The second that he kissed me, he became someone else. I was introduced to a version of my best friend that I didn't know existed.

And everything I thought I knew about me...?

So I resolved to stay away from him until I could figure out what I was going to do about it. And for the time being, I wanted him to leave me alone. Despite everything I said to him yesterday, I wasn't ready for everything to be different.

• • •

I went through my first three classes just fine - without him. But when the bell for fourth period sounded, I immediately wanted to throw up. I ran to the classroom and sat at the lab station, looking out the window because I couldn't bear the idea of looking at him... when his face shows up in my mind, all I can think about is how we slept together two nights before. How we just did it without hesitation, without considering how catastrophic the consequences would be... or let alone that there would be consequences.

He sat down next to me about a minute later and immediately started talking to me, but I tuned his voice out so his words were like fog in my ears. I didn't want him anywhere near me. I felt nauseated by his presence. I ignored him for the whole class and when the lunch bell rang, I practically bolted out the door.

• • •

{Grayson's POV}

I woke up before my alarm and started getting ready because I didn't want to be late to pick Ellie up. I could hardly wait to see her for some reason.

Ethan was still sick.
It's 7:10 - I wait outside for Ellie for about ten more minutes before realizing that she has already left. Without telling me.

So I drove to school without her.

I didn't know how to feel.

Did I do something wrong?

I went through Math, English, and Spanish in a feverish nervous state. I was wondering why she hadn't texted me back yet... she always texts me back. Ever since we first got phones, she's texted me back.

Then it was time for Chemistry class.
When I walked in, she was already sitting at our lab station and staring out the window.

I walked over and sat down next to her.
She wouldn't look at me.

"Hey bestie," I offered.
Nothing.

"You ok?"

No answer - it was like I was invisible.
What the fuck is going on?

She went the whole class period like that, not talking to me and avoiding eye contact.
I didn't know what to do with myself. I was counting on everything making sense when we saw each other today.
I was wondering if she still felt the same way about me as she said she did two days earlier. I was starting to think I shouldn't have even told her.

Then the bell rang, and before I could do or say anything, she ran.