A Series of Sanders

Prinxiety- Comfort

Roman lay with Virgil's head on his chest, with a hand in his hair. Up until a few moments ago, Virgil had been breathing steadily, and Roman assumed he was asleep. Now, however, his breath was shaky, and he seemed to be holding his breath each time he inhaled.  

"Virge? You okay?" Roman asked quietly, rubbing his hands over his boyfriends back. 

Virgil pressed himself closer to Roman for a second, exhaling and trying so hard to stay in this moment. It was impossible though. "Can I talk to you about something?" Virgil asked, wincing. 

"Sure," Roman said, sounding concerned. "What's going on?"

"I just... I have to tell you something," Virgil sat up, facing away from Roman and pressing his hands to his face. "And you're not going to like it,"

"You can tell me, Virgil."

"I know, I just-" Virgil sighed. "Okay, fine. Um... Well, I may have used to have a thing... with Deceit."

Roman felt his stomach and jaw drop. "Oh..." He managed, "Well-"

"And I know what you're thinking, but I swear, it doesn't change anything," Virgil cut in, speaking quickly, "I don't care about him anymore, he means nothing to me-"

"Virge, hey, it's okay," Roman reached over and touched Virgil's arm. He spun, and the look of fear on his face made Roman want to pull him close and never let go of him. "I don't care about that," He reassured him softly, and slowly. "If you say it's in the past, I believe you." 

"But-"

"I do. You've never given me any reason to doubt you." 

Virgil chuckled, then looked up at Roman through his eyelashes. "Thanks," He said softly. "There's one more thing..."

"Yeah?"

"Can... Can we not tell the other sides about us? Just for right now, I mean, I'm really sorry but after Deceit-" 

"Of course," Roman said, ignoring the pinch of disappointment he felt. He didn't want to act rudely towards Virgil anymore, he didn't want to hide what they did. But Roman didn't want to hurt Virgil. "Of course we can,"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-" Virgil repeated, and Roman noticed him shaking. 

"Hey, hey, hey," Roman said, gathering him into his arms. 

"He just... lied... all the time," Virgil whispered. "Except he doesn't have to. He can tell the truth, Roman. And so I never knew... I never knew if he was telling the truth." 

"Virgil-"

"What if he broke me?" 

Roman was speechless. He was taken aback. Broke him? He looked down at his boyfriend, whose face was streaked in tears and whose hands were wrapped around Roman like if he let go he would be lost. 

"You're not broken," Roman said, at last, looking Virgil dead in the eyes. "What would make you think that?"

"I don't trust people. I'm constantly looking over my shoulder. I can't look at someone without thinking about how they could hurt me... I can't look at you without a doubt that I'm good enough for you..." 

"Virgil, you're Thomas's anxiety, that's who you are-" Roman began, but Virgil cut him off again.

"But I'm looking for him. It's because of him. I can't forget about him." Virgil was shaking against Roman. "And now he's back. And he's in my head."

"I thought you said you didn't care about him,"

"I don't," Virgil insisted vehemently, "He just won't leave me alone. And I can't... I can't have everyone know about us while he's here." Virgil paused for a long time, then spoke quietly, "I don't want him to get in your head too."

Roman was silent again. "Is... Is that what you're worried about?" He asked, shocked.

"Yes," Virgil answered, his voice muffled by Roman's chest.

"Well," Roman said, tilting Virgil's face towards his. "That's not going to happen," He placed a kiss on Virgil's forehead. "Because Deceit won't know a thing," He placed another kiss on his nose, "And none of the other sides will, either." Roman kissed Virgil on the lips, letting it linger and trying to ignore the taste of salt. "Because if you don't want to tell them, then they don't have to know." He said finally, kissing Virgil on the lips again and using the pads of his thumbs to wipe away his tears. 

"Are you sure?" Virgil asked finally. 

"Yes," Roman said confidently, pressing himself up against Virgil and wrapping around him. He used one hand to brush Virgil's bangs out of his face, and the other to trace circles on his arm. Every time Virgil thought of something else that worried him, Roman would reassure him, kiss him, and then continue to hold him as he continued to shake. They stayed like this for a long time, and only when he was certain that Virgil had fallen asleep again did he finally let himself close his eyes. 

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