surviving the storm

the good and bad

I never wanted to leave, the idea of leaving wasn't even an option at that point. I bowed my loyalty to him and continued from thereon. I thought I was going to be stuck to him, build a life together, and essentially bloom with him. But I was wrong for he was still yet to figure out what he wanted and needed. Sometimes I feel dumb, I let my life be dictated by an abuser, a boy who couldn't control his emotional turmoil and hurt he was causing me. I sometimes always wanted to ask him why, why would he do this to me. Leave me out in the dirt for too long and come back as I sprouted my stems. I always craved conversations with him I wanted to know why he did the things he did, why he would react in a certain way and why he was so damn addictive. But I guess the bad things are easy to become obsessive with. He showed him his fears, thoughts, dreams, him. And he left me bare, hungry for more. Hunger to find out what type of person he was. I still crave those conversations because I didn't get to find out who he was and what he wanted. The only him I knew was a fragment of my imagination. It no longer hurts instead it makes me think, how can something so beautiful, can turn ugly.