surviving the storm

bad guy

I wish I understood why I'm always considered the "bad guy." Why can't I ever be a hero and be petronized like a villian. I'm a good person yet o have my flaws. I don't know why they are so hard on me, or why I can't be enough. When I get to one slip up nobody wants me in the end. I am isolated once again. They only want me when they're smiling, only when I please them. But fuck up once and they're all gone. I always carry this baggage around people but if I let one fall the rest follow. Leaving them displease and upset. I don't understand why people who mess up get such a bad representation. Why they have to go through so much bullshit. The stress people similar like me carry it's overbearing. They always make me question myself like "why am I not perfect," "how can I be enough." When I honestly there's no way I'll be enough to anyone. I'm down the scale, rotting away as people ask more of me. Soon I will become tired and drained. But tonight I will cry it out and wake up with the same mask I wear. Sometimes I don't know what I'm supposed to feel because there's so many feelings at once surging up inside of me I wish I could just throw them all up. I have to tell myself to stop letting people in, for I will only be left disappointed. No one is capable of loving such a broken person like me, I have to fill that void in within myself. Picking up the pieces together while still being framed as the bad guy.