Untitled Absurdity

Thursday, June 27th, 2019

Ahahahahahaha, such a good thing happened, you know what? (Well of course you don't know, you just read it, silly me), I could make it to the 7 a.m meeting, I even arrived earlier around 6.38 a.m, with just 4 hours of sleep, such an achievement, right? Hahahahahahaha, my gosh I can embarrass myself and laugh at it without any guilt, wew...

At my place here, teacher must be at school at 6.45 a.m, earlier than the students of course.  It is tough for me, because I am a night owl.  Actually I got 2 offer, one from a start up company and the other is from the school.  I thought first that I definitely will go with the company offer, but after few thoughts, I decided to go back to my nature which is in education.  

I was graduated with my major in English and minor in Biology (wew those hard days when I must learn linguistic and microbiology at the same time in one Summer term, no wonder I became this megalomaniac because my brain kept getting treated by a tyrant like me, HOHOHOHOHO). 

This is the result of my undecisively nature and the urge to rebel against my environment that I cannot accept all the expectations that got projected upon me against my will. 

I sound so childish yah, well sorry for no sorry (because in real life, I must tolerate all things and be a yes person most of the time, and this untitled absurdity is my way of escapism, in a healthy way i guess...hehehehehe) 

Dear readers, please survive on your own for not getting swallowed by my vortex of negativity and pessimism. 

I feel quite guilty though because of my weakness, I keep throwing tantrum to the Moon Lady, she is my partner in crime.  But we live in different island, as I stated before Moon Lady, so she lives in the moon.  And me on the other hand I live in the land of night and black sun. 

Confidential is everything except for my own absurdity, I must protect others even few of them I dislike and despise them to my core, but because secrecy is one of my favorite words, I must do few stiching with fiction here and there, hehehehehehehe.... 

I must prepare few words when I will meet with the company director to explain my decision.  Even though I said yes that I had interest to work with them but in actuality I didn't sign any contract yet, so I guess it is safe for me to reject, right? 

My gosh, I will work with teens and adolescents again!!!  I prefer to work with toddlers and kids or tweens though.

I have no right to complain where I am the one that needs the money. 

Well as an adult that live alone far from home in a foreign land, I must keep up with stuffs and pay the bills. Stay strong there oh my dear me.... You are not the only one that struggle, here in this black sun land, a person called IoriRain is in the middle of struggling too, that almost everyday this person wants to perform suicide, that everyday this IoriRain would wish to never wake up again, but still wakes up and perform the shit that adult must do to continue life. 

Ah..it is already 2019, yah... It means next year I will not attend the Dies Natalis in my almamateur/old campus. 

I am too full with jealousy and jealousy and jealousy. 

With one wish...even just one aspect of my life...just one... Please work well.... 

I mean you know, at least if not money and career, at least I can get love or if not be in love at least I can have good career. 

I guess I am such a despicable human being for being wishy washy about wanting this and that. 

I watch people too much. 

I worry too much. 

I want too much. 

And I am so full of insecurities here and there inside of me.