Untitled Absurdity

Saturday, June 29th, 2019 part II

I am such an ambitious but at the same time desperate author, huh? 

2 chapters in a day, such a self entitlement in the midst of my laziness.... Is this what called a blessing in disguise? 

After my gloomy and dark and lame and full of self pity chapter before, I need to do something to ease myself or else I will end up having nightmare or worse, another sleepless night.

I want to throw up again, and yell here until my pseudo lungs burst out of their place. 

Just who do they think they are, oh so great and young and have money Emperor Tsundere and your lackeys?! 

You, Emperor Tsundere  will never understand the comfort of watching dramas (from korean to german noir movies to japanese anime), the dopamine that got released as the sense of escapism from the harsh reality of living in real life. 

And the wonderful feeling when I can put all the things I would need or want during my laziness (read: me time) around me, in my hands's range to reach, and after that facing the fan and being moveless for hours. 

Or the happiness that comes from a sense of relief when the new chapter of the manga that I am following that just got released is not a filler. 

Or the happiness of wearing clean socks with their own pairs. 

Or the happiness of new noodle that freshly made for hot and sour soup. 

Such a relief I didn't go with them with their night gathering. 

This is the best for tonight that God can give to me. 

I can imagine if I gone with them, I would just end up sitting at the corner, nobody will want to talk to me more than 1 simple pity question so they won't feel or look bad in front of me, when actually it will just make it worse.  And they would just try to look cool after watching the movie, when I would be the one that overly enthusiastic and be so talkative to discuss about the movie during the meal time and people wouldn't understand of it because their true purpose was to hang out, when I were on the other side fully watched and comprehended every single stuffs I could find from the movie. 

That would create such an ackward borderline and people would started to leave or just started other conversation with other people, except me. 

It will look even more pathetic.  So thankfully, I didn't go. 

Watching the Emperor Tsundere flirting around would be another spicy stuff to be thrown to an alien like me.

I would not be able to handle if I agreed to join them. 

And the top number one thing is this will help myself to wake up with a slap of reality, that I am broke, and Emperor Tsundere is a person who has everything , we do live in two different layers in society. This is not a teenlit nor a novel or movie, this is real life. 

Two different worlds with gaps here and there.  But still after all these facts, I wonder why I still had the courage to choose and chase him.... It is ridiculous and pathetic. 

Confessing to a guy who is 4 younger than me is already  a ridiculous madness. 

Especially when I already noticed the differences here and there. 

There will be no clothing montages to turn me into a lady that would suite Emperor Tsundere's taste and makes me presentable enough in front of his family, colleagues, and of course his fans or even other women who are in the same quest. 

It is real life, the rich Emperor that good, near perfect, near flawless and have many harems/follower would never even bat an eye over a person who is a complete dark gloomy side from him. 

This madness, is this love? (Ewww, too sappy, watch out IoriRain) 

Well I don't have the proper answer for that, because my brain is getting scattered all around because it starts to feel sleepy and drowsy after another long day of untitled absurdity