Things I Wanted To Say But Didn't

7;(Another rant about my love life) I wish I didn't

I miss you...
I wish I didn't but I do..
I miss being able to go to bed knowing that tomorrow I'd have someone waiting for me.....
Someone who loved me..

It hurts..
Alot
But there is nothing I can do about it...
I miss you yes..
But I haven't cried.. yet
It's like my brain hasn't registered that you arn't here with me anymore...

I know why you left..
I wish you would have told me what I was doing wrong...
But you just decided to end it..
No talking, just a "goodbye"

The last time I saw you it was to pick up the things I'd left at your house...
You never bothered to look me in the eye..
I told you to tell me that you didn't love me...
But all you said was "I don't know" and shrugged...
Your eyes were red and you smelled like smoke..
I could only assume that you were high..
If you couldn't even be bothered to be sober for our last goodbye... I'd say "FUCK YOU AND YOUR LIES!" but I didn't. .. I stayed quiet and cried as you gave my stuff back... the things that I made with you in mind...

I am not mad...
I am just..
In pain... but confused more than anything..
We were good... so so good
And then we weren't...
There was something for 5 months...
Then... there was nothing in 5 days..

So I wanna say... thank you
And that I am not mad.. or angry..
I just wish you'd hold me once more, but I know you won't...
Because I know you don't love me...
Sometimes I wonder... if you miss me or think of me at times...
But I wouldn't get my hopes up... you clearly moved on long before the end...

I love you- I wish I didn't. ..

Goodbye...