Apparently I come off as a narcissistic prick when I'm happy or feel moderately confident.
I don't know how to deal with these feelings and thoughts anymore. It's annoying. I want them to go away. I just want it all to stop. It was going. -And going pretty good. Until recently. I wonder why that is. I don't know why. But. It's making me sick again. My body, it quite litterally is trying to kill me from the inside out. Atleast I look a little thinner. But I've lost my appetite again. I'm living on tea. The smell reminds me of the colourful feelings I once had. Then had ,now lost again. The constant moods wings between suddenly wanting to kill myself and being mildly functional. It's stressful and is taking a toll.
It scares me. I haven't felt like this to that extent in months.
I keep suddenly feeling the urge to cut into my scarring gallery on my arms and pasting the canvases in plasters or bandaids.
Like I'll see blood on my arms for a split second out the corner of my eye and look then blink and it's gone.
A form of PTSD maybe? - no. It's never good to diagnose yourself. Note to anyone who reads this.
My mom's taken away all my knives she said I could always ask for them back... but I don't want to warry her. DAMNIT I NEED SOMETHING I have to feel something.
I can't fucking feel anything!
Unless I'm with you but. You're so fucking far away. Almost like you're in the back if my mind.
YOU ARE READING
Things I Wanted To Say But Didn't
PuisiThings that I wanted to say...... But can't. .. This story isn't just me bitching about my relationships. I still bitch about my mental health tho lol. It's just me venting so eh. Ik that most people have things worse than me I just .... idk lol ___...
