Training Mendes // s.m.

eight

Millie
-

Vicky, Ivan, and I all headed backstage while Shawn performed his last song. Ivan had a smile and kept glancing at me.

"What?"

"Nothing." He almost giggled.

Him and Vicky exchanged a look and nodded in a somewhat of unspoken agreement. I rolled my eyes as we went into Shawn's room. The crew was running around, doing who knows what. We sat on some random chairs in the room and Vicky started gushing about Shawn.

Shawn was handsome, talented, built amazingly.

I felt a feeling, I felt I guess jealous. I was upset she was talking about him like that. I zoned out as she talked with Ivan. She kept asking Ivan questions about Shawn's past tours and whatever.

Luckily, Shawn came in as she started asking about his groupies.

"You did amazing!" Ivan clapped.

Shawn did a bow and I laughed. He came over and I gave him a hug.

"Good job! It was so cool watching you, although I think I need to learn your songs now." I told him.

I quickly let go, his sweat coming through his shirt.

"Sweaty hug, eh?" He wiggled his eyebrows.

"Shawn, this is Vicky, my best friend." I introduced them.

"Hello. Shawn, obviously." He shook her hand.

"Vicky, pleasure to meet you." She smiled.

"Well, you should shower so we can head out." Ivan jumped in, probably noticing my glare.

"Right, well it was nice meeting you Vicky. Millie, I will see you on the bus." He smiled and headed to the bathroom.

Vicky fake fainted and I dragged her out. Ivan laughed and I took her to the bus. I showed her around and we were told we were leaving. I gave her a hug and she kept saying how she didn't want to leave.

Vicky walked off the bus and to her car, leaving me alone. I walked back to the bunks and saw a paper on Shawn's bed. I read it, but I wish I hadn't.

Shawn, I really think you're amazing! Here is my number, maybe we could hang out soon :)
Vicky xxx-xxx-xxxx

I rolled my eyes at it and threw it back on his bunk. I walked to the back room and shut the door. I pulled my phone out and saw fans posting their stuff from tonight. I watched some of the videos and read some tweets, laughing at how some of them freaked out for Shawn.

I was severely irritated at Vicky, I told her I think I like Shawn and she went and gave him her phone number. Don't get me wrong, I love Vicky but how could she do that, especially after the Jeremy situation.

There was a knock on the door and Ivan walked in.

"I saw the note, I know you like him." He sat next to me.

"I do not." I scoffed.

"Do. When Vicky was talking about him in the dressing room, you basically killed her with your eyes." He laughed, crossing his arms.

"Vicky is my best friend. I don't like Shawn."

"You so do. I know you read the note, that's why you're back here."

"Ivan, I don't like Shawn!" I threw my phone and stood up.

He began laughing and I scoffed.

"You do, otherwise you wouldn't have just freaked out. You are trying to convince yourself you don't like him."

"Ivan. What is your deal?" I grabbed my phone and left.

I climbed into my bunk and closed the shade. I plugged my phone in and went onto instagram, I posted some photos from tonight that I managed to take and wrote some random caption and posted it.

I got my airpods and pushed them into my ears, blasting music. I turned away from the shade, hoping nobody would bother me.

I didn't like Shawn. I couldn't. I'd get hurt even worse this time. Jeremy messed me up so badly, I don't even know if there is a way I could ever love someone like that again.

♡

I woke up the next morning, still in my clothing from last night. I groaned and grabbed a pair of pajama shorts and hoodie I had on my bunk. I went into the bathroom and changed, washing my face. I brushed my teeth and threw my hair into a ponytail.

I went to my bunk and grabbed my phone, going to the back room. I sat in the back and watched the scenery roll past as we drove. Time passed and I didn't realize how much until Shawn came into the back.

"Morning!" He smiled.

I hummed and didn't look at him. He sat next to me and put his hand on my leg. I pushed it off and pulled my legs to my chest.

"I'm your trainer, Shawn." I mumbled.

"Millie.." He said softly.

"Just. I'm just your trainer." I said and he sighed.

"Millie, is this about Vicky?"

I kept quiet.

"Millie, I don't find her attractive, if this is what that is about." He said, softly and put his hand on my leg again.

I looked at him and sighed.

"I can't like you." I told him.

"What?"

"I was hurt in the past and I'm not sure I can like you, the way you want me to."

"Millie, I can wait. I find you alluring and I haven't quite figured out what it is about you that makes me think about you all the time, but there is something."

"Shawn, I can't make you wait. I know there are a lot of girls who would kill for this opportunity. I just, I don't think I'll ever fully heal."

"Tell me, tell me what happened so I can understand."

"Shawn, I-"

"Millie, I want to understand. Let me understand."

"Shawn, I don't know."

"I will let you explain it. I won't say anything."

I took a deep breath and looked into his eyes.

"A few years ago, I was in a relationship. His name was Jeremy. We dated in high school. He was on the football team. He was very touchy, I wasn't comfortable with doing that stuff with him, he always tried, but I never wanted to. One night we went to a party with his friends and they dared us to go to a bedroom and have sex. They knew how I was, I assume he told them prior to tell me to do it. The consequence for not doing it was his friends all had to remove a piece of clothing. He took me up to this room, and began to kiss me. I was crying, I didn't want to do it at all. He kept going and going, until he finally tried to take my pants off. I freaked out. He punched me. I ran as fast as I could. I ran to Vicky."

"She was there and helped me get back to myself. He cheated on my at that party after I left. So, Shawn. Tell me if there is anyway I could ever love or trust someone after that." I told him.

I had tears streaming down my face and he had soft eyes. He brought his hand to my face and wiped my tears. He put his hands on my cheeks and sighed.

"Millie, I will wait."

He said and pressed his lips to mine.