Training Mendes // s.m.

twenty-nine

Millie
-

I woke up rough. The bed was cold and uncomfortable. I went back to our room and Shawn was still dead. I climbed into the bed and snuggled into Shawn's side. I took a deep breath and tried to fall asleep.

My mind wouldn't stop moving so I just stayed awake.

I loved Shawn, why not have kids? He was perfect. He was amazing with kids. But, I wasn't. I couldn't even care for myself half the time. I rolled to face the other wall and Shawn's body followed. His arm was around my waist and he was breathing in my neck.

He was perfect.

Hours later, Shawn decided to wake up. I had already eaten breakfast, worked out, and replied to emails. He came down into the kitchen and got a glass of water. He chugged it down in seconds and turned, realizing I was there.

"Morning." He mumbled.

"Morning. Hey, can we go out for dinner tonight?" I asked.

"Yeah, I can pick a place. I already have one in mind, so dress fancy." He winked.

I laughed and answered another email. He came over and wrapped his arms around me, sighing. He kissed my head and I turned to face him. He smiled and interlaced our fingers.

"What happened? Why are you so happy today?" I said, feeling guilty.

"Today is going to be a good day. I am going to record a new song and then dinner with you, my sexy mama. Then tomorrow I record another song." He smiled.

I nodded and he kissed me. I made the kiss short and turned back to my emails. I sighed, guilt washing over me. I chewed at my nails and time went by. Eventually, Shawn had left to go record his song and I was home alone again.

I decided I could go pick out a dress for dinner. I grabbed my phone and purse, deciding my leggings and tee shirt were fine to go out in. I had one of Shawn's drivers come pick me up and went to a boutique.

I found a beautiful white dress, it was off the shoulder and tight. I bought it and went home. I kept it in it's bag to make sure Shawn wouldn't see it before dinner. I took a shower and shaved, lathering on lotion after. I had a long time until dinner, so I called Savanah over.

She came over and we spent the day by the pool. We sat in the sun and talked to whole afternoon. Sav and I talked about relationships and she talked about Chris.

She said he made her feel like she was walking on air. He had tried to propose, but said he wanted to wait till the right time. She knew it was going to be soon, because things were so amazing. I felt guilty when she talked.

She decided she needed to leave to let me get ready for my date, kissing my cheek.

"I love you!" She yelled, running to her car.

"I love you more." I replied.

I went upstairs and curled my hair, the way Shawn liked it. I did some light makeup and Shawn came home. He took a shower and got changed into a suit. He waited in the kitchen, I finished getting dressed and came down.

"Damn. My girl is so sexy." He smiled, walking over to me.

He kissed my forehead and interlaced our fingers. We got into his car and drove to the dinner location. Shawn raved how he got rooftop seats, which were extremely hard to get on short notice. We got to the restaurant and it was beautiful. I felt sick to my stomach.

We got taken to our table and the waiter took our drink order. We held hands across the table and the waiter brought our drinks. We quickly ordered food and made small talk. I asked about his song and he said it was about me. He was so happy with how it came out. He said it was better than he expected.

Our food came out and we ate. I let Shawn do most of the talking and we finished.

"So, can we talk?" I cleared my throat.

"About what?"

"Our future." I set my napkin on the table.

Shawn gave me a funny look.

"I guess?"

"I think we should break up. You and I want different things, Shawn. I have gone over and over in my head about this baby thing and I ugh... I can't have kids. I don't want kids."

He sat there, staring at me. His face came up blank. He looked like he had seen a ghost.

"Shawn..."

"Millie, you... I just..." He stumbled.

"I think you should find someone else. I am not the girl you want. I don't want kids. I'm not who you want anymore." I continued.

"Just.. stop talking." He breathed.

"Shawn, please."

"No, you don't get to do this. We can talk about this another time, we don't need to have kids now. I don't understand where this is coming from."

"Shawn, I really just am not who you want to be with. You don't love me enough to not have kids."

"I love you, so much, Millie. I can wait, we can talk. I don't understand why we have to break up."

"I don't want kids."

"Millie, that's fine. I love you, though. We don't have to break up over that."

"I don't love you." I lied.

His face went eight different emotions and landed with hurt.

"What?"

"I don't love you anymore, I needed an out. I don't want to be with you anymore." I continued my lie.

"You're lying." He whispered.

"I'm not." I felt my heart shattering as I spoke.

"Millie, you don't mean that."

"Shawn."

"You don't mean that." He stood up, slamming the table.

People's eyes moved towards us and I grabbed his arm. I told him to sit down and he did.

"Shawn, listen. I know you want kids and I don't. This just won't work.."

"Stop. Stop saying that." He started to cry.