No. Five (tua)

all my fault

a/n this is sorta a vent so bare with me this is gonna be emotional and very poorly written.
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warning: mentions of self harm.
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i was useless in the academy. everyone told me so, even dad. my powers could only be used at night and let's just say not many missions happen at night. i could harness the darkness and turn it into energy, which seem cool but it has to be dark so i can use my powers so most of the time i would just stay behind while the others went and had fun on missions.

i hated myself and my powers. i hated my family except for klaus and of course five. five was the only reason i hadn't ended it all yet but i was still weak.

i feel the tears start to form in my eyes and i feel my heart beat in my chest. my palms begin to sweat and i feel like i can't breathe. i stay sitting on the floor and bring my knees to my chest hugging myself begging for the panic attack to stop, for my body to stop trembling and to stop crying. it didn't work.

i managed to get up and make my way to the bathroom and i scrambled to find my razor blade. i pulled up the sleeve to five's sweatshirt that i was wearing a made a few deep cuts on my wrist. i watched as the blood dripped from my arm and i started to feel light headed. the next thing i knew i heard five's faint whoosh in my room and he knocked on the bathroom door.

"y/n? are you in there?" five said softly.

"y-yea five i'm here" i say trying so hard to keep my eyes open, i felt so tired.

"are you okay? you sound like you aren't. can i please come in?" five asks trying to turn the door knob but finds that i locked it. i didn't answer him, i didn't have the strength to make out words. i felt my body hit the cold tile floor and made a thump noise.

five immediately whooshed into the bathroom and saw the scene i had made. my wrist had 5 deep slits and there was blood on the floor seeping into the tile. five stood there speechless only for a moment before bending down and placing me in his lap. he held my head up with his hand and started to stroke my hair back and i hear him begin to cry.

"oh five, please, please don't cry. not for me." i say softly touching his cheek lightly. he gives me a soft smile trying his best to hold back his tears.

"y/n why would you do this? you mean too much to me. i don't know what i would do with myself if lost you." he says finally letting the tears leave his eyes.

"i just feel so useless to everyone here five, it wouldn't matter if i was gone." i say as my voice cracks because of how weak i was, it was hard for me to get out more that just a few words.

"you matter to me y/n. you are my world. i love you."

"i love you too"

five begins to lift me up and sits me down on the toilet seat. he grabs a first aid kit and begins to clean my cuts. when he was done he cleaned the floor and carried me back to my bed and laid me down. he gets under the covers and pulls me into his chest.

"please never leave me" five says as he starts running his fingers through my messy hair.

"i promise."

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i will probably unpublished this so yea