Time Capsule

Chapter 55

Time Capsule

Chapter 55

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Niall...

 My guilt was starting to eat me alive. All the negative thoughts, all the horrible memories, everything I spent months pushing back, all came tumbling back down. All the self hate that I pushed away, all the forgiveness Annabelle helped me instill in myself, all just sunk down the drain. It all came back and punched me in the gut. Everything.

How could I be so fucking stupid?!

When I found her unconscious by the lake that heart wrenching day, what in my mind convinced me that those assholes did that to her?! All they wanted was sex! I should've known there was something more! All the bruises and burns, the lash marks, the broken bones. All the times she came to school limping, or seeming to be in more pain than the last day. All the times she missed school, or never showed up. It was all her father. And I brushed it under the rug, thinking it was boys from school being dicks, and taking my violence and aggression out on them, when I should've been hunting down her dad.

Now it made so much sense why he told me she was dead. He didn't want me to find out. He wanted me out of the picture, and he got exactly what he fucking wanted.

It also made so much fucking sense now why she moved in with Melanie. She was running away, and I handed her right back. I gave her right back to the devil himself. I should've realized. She didn't look one bit happy to be there when I brought her last night. In fact, she almost looked terrified now that I think about it. She looked like she was almost begging me to take her with me. But of course, me being the idiotic fuck up I am, just thought she was disappointed she couldn't spend the night with me.

I felt like I was suffocating. My dread was just choking the shit out of me. So many questions swirled through my head. How long had he been doing this to her? Since I left? Since the divorce? How bad had it gotten? How long had Melanie known? Why didn't they ever tell anyone and get her out of there sooner? How many times had she nearly died? How many times had she needed me and I wasn't there?

That last one knocked all the air out of my body. 

She probably needed me so badly. She probably wanted me to save her, but I was never there. What was I doing? I was in London, acting like a fucking shit head, sleeping with girls, partying, and doing drugs, while she was getting the life sucked out of her every night. 

Oh God, I feel so sick. 

And then when I came along, I made everything worse. She probably was so happy that day. The day I came back. I still remember the smile on her face, and the sparkle in her eyes when she hugged me. She probably was so relieved I was here. She probably thought I would save her from the demon at home. But what did I do? I shoved her away. I made her life ten million times worse. I did all kinds of horrible things to her. I fucked with her, physically and emotionally, when I should've been saving her. She needed an escape. She needed someone to pull her away from the depths of darkness, but I just dug her more into it. 

I couldn't even imagine how awful it was for her to look into my menacing eyes, desperately wanting me to help her, but having to watch me hurt her. The reality of everything I had done hit me ten times harder than it did that day I figured everything out, now that I knew what was really happening in her life. I felt like even more of a monster than I did before. The memories of her horrified and pleading eyes seemed even more haunting and painful, now that I knew what she hid behind them.