𝐄𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧 ♦ 𝐑𝐃𝐑

🇨​🇭​🇦​🇵​🇹​🇪​🇷​ 19

I can tell you though, after my coughing fit, I kept puffing on that cigarette like the stupid man I was. Couldn't help myself, not anywhere I could just drop and put it out either. Didn't wanna set this homestead ablaze or any of the nearby grass. I coughed a bit more, but finally, it seemed as though I recalled just how easy it was to pick one of these up back in the day and smoke it like it was nothing. Arthur, well, he was the one who really got me into it. Back in Colter when we had just recently joined that gang and everything had gone south regarding the robbery. The storm started clearing up and I remember just standing there with this man and he brings me a cigarette, coughed just as much as I was earlier and I swear I could still hear his laugh. Telling me how weak I was, even when I knew he was joking.
"God boy, you're so weak! Just a little cigarette!"
I rolled my eyes at him and proceeded to take another inhale and I didn't cough as much. "There you go, Asher. Nice and easy now. Will only get easier. Not a good habit, but it's somethin' to do when you ain't out there shootin' down folk." He gently punched my shoulder before leaving me there.

Silly man. Always was. Guess I missed him just as much as I miss Nathan right now. It's the craziest thing and I wasn't even sure if Selina could recall. But I remember seeing her once in my life... Before I met her for real that is. When I was a bartender at the Blackwater Saloon and all, before the scars, the pain of losing my family. All of that shit that absolutely destroyed me.

Back in 1 8 9 8

"Asher!" I hear my friend calling to me as he's leaving his job within the convenience store. He made deliveries for most of the day and it was just now closing time as the sun was setting over the horizon. "Nate! Hey, partner. How was work today?"
"Shitty! Literally! Had a horse shit on my shoes earlier today. Had to clean 'em off behind the store with some water."
"Oh... God... Sorry to hear that." I laugh as we're walking over to our hitched horses. I had just bought a big shire named Luka, him and the Arabian, named Spookey, were a pair and Nathan and I sat there and brushed together some money to buy them from the stables. Some of the happiest horses we ever did meet. Walking on over, this girl was being accompanied by a man in uniform. Hadn't seen many down in these parts but he was strapping, almost as if he was showing it all off in a sense. She was linked with him on the arm. I nearly bumped into her before we met eyes for the moment, piercing green eyes on that one. I was intrigued but since she had a man with her, I couldn't stare for long. Just got back Luka and left that day.

1911

     Little did I know, I had seen my future wife and the mother of my children and the man I would kill not even a year later. I guess it took a lot to recall ever seeing her in a crowd, for I didn't think too much on it till now. Never thought I'd see her again, didn't even think about it when I did see her once more either.
"Asher?" I finally hear the girl speak up, coming through the doorway. A slight smile appears upon my face before I direct my attention back out into the distant fields.
"Selina. How you gettin' on?"
"Just fine, guess we'll just stay overnight. Meet John in the morning... What about you?"
"I've been miles away, thinking on some old times. I guess... I don't even know if you remember, but I've seen you once before, in my life, before all this mess. All my scars, everything... You was with that military feller. Outside the Blackwater saloon and all, you looked at me for all about a second before you kept on going." I study my wife's facial features as I'm speaking and she seems to look down in memory for a moment. "I do believe you're right, Asher. I remember a little. Crazy how that works, guess at that time I would've never thought I'd be married to you, having your babies, all that."

"Me neither... I always will think on how different life could've been right now. If we had been together then, this mug wouldn't be so ugly, our babies would be just fine and growing up like any other family. Wouldn't be out here doing none of this nonsense."
"Lover boy—- Why do you seem so upset about all this?"
"Cause it's my fault, Selina! All of it. Daniel, he told me how much Buck loved you. How I was the one who ruined all of this! I wouldn't look so damn ugly right now if none of this has ever—-" I was nearly shouting now before my wife places both her hands on the sides of my face. Trying to ease my nerves right now. "Asher... Shhh... Hunny. It's okay. Settle yourself. You are by far the most handsome young man I ever did meet. Then and even now, those scars show that you're a survivor. What more could I want our children to see? God, I think on their future, even this little one I'm carrying and all I think of is how amazing the future is gonna be for them." She allows me to go before I bring her into the side of me in a hugging fashion. "I still remember the day Arthur started walking."
Thinking about that day brought smiles to both of our faces, he had just turned one, Selina and I were thrilled for him. She was heavily pregnant with Andrew at the time, about a month before that boy arrived. Remember all that too, she found out she was pregnant in November, just before Arthur's first birthday. Arthur was so curious about her and her belly, always so gentle though with it. Never faltering on being that nice boy he was, even before he knew better. I was the one teaching him how to walk that day, he was so determined to walk it was almost insane. He did everything in his power, leading up to that day and the moment I put him down. He was trying to get up right away as I was backing up from him. Selina was sitting upon the couch, knitting a little something for her upcoming little boy. But as soon as she spotted her oldest doing his best to stand on his own and made his first few steps on his own. Stopping to collect his balance and then nearly falling into my arms, she cried for almost an hour. I always did know she was so damn passionate about her babies. Never mattered what they did sometimes, she would sit there, smile, shake her head and maybe shed a few tears. Because those were her babies.
"He really is something... I'm proud of us though, Sel. Proud of what we've done till now. Know our life hasn't always been honest. But we've been doin' our best. You and I... Always."
"You and I always, Asher. I'm proud of us too." We smile at one another before I lean in to kiss her, we share a passionate kiss before she pulls away for a moment, a little confused. "What's the matter?" I ask before she quickly grabs my hand and puts it upon her abdomen. I chuckle as my eyebrows raise. "And they're alive. Thank god." She laughs and we kiss once more. I was relieved honestly, that everything seemed to be just fine with this child. Everything that Selina and I were worried about not too long ago, least we knew this baby was alive and moving themselves around to make it known.
"I love you so much, Selina."
"I love you too, Asher. Now, I really think you should come inside and just spend some time with our family.  Stop standing out here like some lonely old horse."
"Are you calling me old, Sel?"
"Never in a million years." The girl giggles before turning, a sway of those hips of hers and a look back at me with a slow blink before she's heading back within the house. I'd die for that girl a million times over. There was never any doubt about it.