𝐄𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧 ♦ 𝐑𝐃𝐑

🇨​🇭​🇦​🇵​🇹​🇪​🇷​ 7

    I would like to say almost a month and a half had gone by since John stated he was going to try to do a lot of this on his own. Running around for all these different people to gather up the perfect malita to assault Fort Mercer, Selina and I, well, we weren't having the best of times together right now. She was more focused on trying to keep everything under control for herself. Said she could tell that a baby had to be growing still, the nausea wasn't getting much better at times but she knew she was hopefully about a month or so short of it all being done.
We choose to take some time out in the wilderness outside of Armadillo. Tired of the cramped up room we shared and my back wouldn't thank me much for trading that wood floor for a ground. Stargazing tonight, something romantic. We weren't trying to be against each other right now, just wasn't worth it. We knew it was just the stress of everything going on around us, but we really needed to keep our heads on straight.
"Nice to finally take some sort time to ourselves. Beautiful out here." I mutter as I turn my head to look over at the girl beside me. I swear, everytime I lay with her, or even just get the time to stand beside her as I was these days, I still fall in love with her as much as I did the moment I saw her.
"Wish we were out here on better terms. Wish we both didn't have the thoughts of what's happenin' to our kids or if we're gonna get out of here alive—"

I'm quick to lean over and place my finger on her lips. "Hey, just stop thinking for a moment, Sel. Think now, think of the positives. I know it's hard. But hey, we got this little positive right here..." I place my hand upon her abdomen which finally makes her smile, her own hand coming to rest upon my own. "We do... it's just been too much all at once. Being pregnant and out here doing all of this again was something I never imagined we'd be going through." I could understand why this was challenging for her. We never did see ourselves back here, acting as if we were back in eighteen ninety nine and we were still those people. Granted, we were twenty one and twenty two at the time and now we're thirty four and thirty five. It's been fucking years. I guess if we kept that mindset that we could get through that, we could truly get through anything, Selina could too while pregnant. I take some time to lean down and gently kiss the girls abdomen. Which makes her laugh, the music to my ears because I knew she wasn't gonna be laughing as often as she usually did these days. "You're the most cheesy man I ever did meet, Asher Sanders." She mumbles to me with a grin. "And you're the strongest woman I ever did meet, Selina Sanders. So damn strong. I love you so much." I mutter before I lean over and place a kiss upon her lips. I wasn't expecting her to deepen it, but she did. Though, would it really be worth it right now to have sexual relations in the middle of the Cholla Springs desert? In my opinion, I suppose so. Ain't no one else around in our area and if they were, they was far off on the trail away from us. The fire is dim now and it's not too cold out, perfect enough for something like this. I begin to lean myself up and hover over the girl for a moment. She smirks as she places one of her hands upon my cheek. "Oh Asher... Are we really gonna do this here?"
"If it's what you want, Sel, my love, I'll do anything for you. So long as it makes you happy."
"Think a good fuck would do us both some good, ain't like I can get anymore pregnant."

Least, so we hoped. Selina and I made love under the stars tonight. We hadn't had each other like that since the time that apparently got her pregnant. Still as beautiful as always and I definitely did know I'd walk to the ends of the earth for that damn woman if it meant I got the chance to see her smile at the end of the day. No disturbances, no one there to question us, just her and I and the love we did share. Which I was getting so concerned was beginning to burn out given the circumstances. Guess in a sense, not even the god above had the power to separate the both of us.
When we had finished up, we were back to looking up at the sky. Though, we knew we needed to get some rest soon enough.

"Ya know, Selina. I suppose I never did once apologize to you for making this your life. Thinkin' back onto Bonnie and how genuinely surprised she was 'bout you being a gang member and all... Just makes me feel bad. This feeling I feel almost everyday for this happening to you. I just can't help but shake such a feeling at times. It's like a deep regret that I know will stick with me till my last breath." I couldn't really explain where that all came from all of a sudden. But I could never unsee Bonnie's expression to Selina when she revealed she was in the gang with me.
"Asher... I know you've regretted it. I know it's hard. But trust me, I wouldn't be a mother to such handsome little boys, to a beautiful baby girl.... And from what I'm feeling right now with this one— don't know really. Will always hope for another little girl though... You gave me the best adventure of my life. Made me a mother and a wife, what is there to regret there?"
"Cause you seemed so innocent when I met you. Sure, a little mischievous, but not no outlaw type. You could've damn well talked to any guy in that bar and—-"
"And it was you that I fell for... Asher... Think about how different life could've been."
"I think 'bout it, Selina. A lot. But honestly, I'm not a good man. I've killed people and I'm still having to kill people. What I would've given to have met you at a time when I wasn't like that... Sure so much would be so different. It kills me sometimes."
"Listen, Asher, just think on now, this life chose us, we didn't choose it. I might've had a choice to not go with you, but I knew in my heart we'd be something more. Something much bigger. We got there, this is just nothing but another bump in the road."

I guess in many ways, Selina was right. She had a thing for always being right too. There was never in doubt in my mind about it and I loved every bit of it. Still though, I knew I'd always have it in my mind how much of this was my fault. Selina could've been off in a nice house in West Elizabeth with that Buckley guy and had kids and all that. Sure, he might've gone through a lot and left them a lot, but it would never compare to this right here. Her having to act as though she's some big, bad, outlaw again just for the sake of her children. "You always seem to find the right words, Sel. Really, you know exactly what to say all the time." She shakes her head for a moment before she leans over and places a kiss to my jawline. "I love you, think it's time for bed. Who knows, perhaps we'll finally hear from John and get this all figured out finally."
"Yeah, guess you're right, my love. I love you too.."

With that, we both get up and head into the tent to enjoy our slumber. Listening to nothing but the coyotes and the random wolves and snakes within this great desert.