𝐄𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧 ♦ 𝐑𝐃𝐑

🇨​🇭​🇦​🇵​🇹​🇪​🇷​ 21

My heart was breaking for the next hour and a half. Selina was practically screaming and sobbing a few times as they removed the bullet from within her chest. They kept her awake, because she was so damn strong, somehow, she just couldn't pass out from the pain. I cried. I couldn't stop myself from doing it. I was shocked beyond belief that this had happened and all because Dutch blinded me, my wife got hurt and our baby might've too. This was my fault. All of this. From beginning to end, this was my fucking fault. I would never forgive myself for this, I would never see a day where I didn't look at myself and feel some sort of disgust for everything I had done to lead up to this point. Right now, all I can think is how good my life could've been, had I just said something to her that one day I saw her down here in Blackwater. When she passed me with Buck and I saw her one time. Just once, before I never recalled who she was for a year, not even when I met her all over again.
My mindset was everywhere, till her cries subsided and I realized it must be all over. The doctor comes out from the nearby room as his eyes lock with mine. I'm quick to stand from my spot.
"Is she okay?"
"She'll live. But... I think it's safe to say she's down for the count when it comes to the whole 'huntin' down bad guys'. She's in an extreme amount of pain right now, gave her some medication... Should hit her in about an hour."
"What about the baby?"
"Baby... Seems okay. Movin' a lot, probably given the high stress of it's mother and all. Wish I could tell ya the gender but--- I ain't no good judge of that at all. Gonna be a surprise for sure. I got one question for you though, sir. Why is she out here doin' this anyway? She's thirty five years old for god's sake!"
"She didn't have a choice! I didn't either."
"As far as I'm concerned, Mr. Sanders, this woman is strong... But she's only as strong as her age allows her to be. Should be takin' it easy being expectin' and her age. Think you both need to rethink your choices in life. You may see her if you want." He gives me a stern look before walking away from me and back into his main office. I sigh deeply before I swallow my pride and go to see my wife. I open the door and I see her upon that chair, she looks utterly defeated, sweat beading from her forehead. A bandage can be seen under her shirt, her eyes drift to me before they're quick to look away.
"Selina... I..."
"Don't say it, Asher... Don't apologize to me..." She utters out under a sort of raspy toned voice from all her yelling not even a half hour ago. Selina never yelled or did much during childbirth. She would cry, but it was only when she was feeling frustrated with the situation and the pain was just a bit too much for the moment. Though, she would just push on through it till the job was done.
"I don't know what to say otherwise. This... It's my fault."
"Asher please. I don't wanna hear it right now. I'm in so much pain... I'm tired. I thought I could do this--- Thought I could be this big bad outlaw again. But I just can't... I'm a mother of three, almost four children. Turned me soft enough to where the pain of being shot, it couldn't compare to what I've been through havin' them. I'm done, Asher. I just wish in so many ways, you could be done too." Her green eyes focus up at me again, her breath is heavy, hitching from time-to-time as she's squinting and holding it when a wave of pain hit her.

"I wish I could too, Selina. I do. But I can't. We're so close to gettin' Dutch. Then this can be over."
"Just run, Asher. Run away and don't look back."
"You know I can't do that... They'd come for me. Come for you... The kids... I can't."
"I understand. In my mind, Asher. I see us right now, on our little farm... Kids runnin' around in the field. Us happy. All I ever wanted." There it was, all that she wanted was our happiness. I knew this entire time she wasn't happy. She wasn't thrilled. It was all because of me and what I drug her into.
There's a knock at the door, I turn to look and it's John. "Asher... Selina's parents are here to collect her." My heart drops at his words, I shake my head ever so slightly before I walk toward him. "You're jokin' right?" And he shakes his head before I push past him but Selina's mother is storming in. "Mrs. Rodriguez. I--"
"Shut your mouth, Asher. This wouldn't have happened to her if it wasn't for you and the life you lead, what you put her into. She could've been happily married to a decent man, unlike you! I don't hate you Asher and I never have, I know you love my daughter, but I can't even stand to look at you right now. Why don't you make like any good outlaw does and get lost." I can't express how much that hurt, how low of a blow that did feel. Hearing my mother in law, tell me how Selina's life could've been, had I just stayed away from her. I turn to leave now, before her father stops me for a second. "Asher, I know she don't mean it. She doesn't. Just—- Don't take it to heart." I don't have anything to say to him before I'm pushing past him and heading out and onto my horse. I needed to be alone. That was how I needed it when I was getting too into mind.

John Marston P.O.V

   I tried to stop that damn boy, but I couldn't. I wasn't Arthur, I couldn't talk no damn sense into him and make him change his mind. I knew how he worked, needed to be alone. I could understand, shit was tough. Having a girl who seemed to be so sheltered and seemingly soft now due to being a mother and no longer an outlaw in a gang. Selina was trying to be decent and I knew Asher was too. Doing their damn best, but it wasn't that simple. I walk back into the doctor's office and I hear the exchange between Selina and her parents.
"You need to stop with this, Selina Valerie Hinton. I swear to god, you're thirty five! You have four children! What goes on in that mind of yours?"
"Rose, take it easy on the poor girl. She just got shot." Antonio states, no words from their daughter though. Nothing, I come over near the door now before their daughter stands, groaning in pain. "Selina... Take it easy now. Antonio, get her other side. We're gonna get you home, get you resting. This is over for you." The two parents put their hands around their daughter, though Selina is just slow, she needed the help. She was weak, it took a lot out of her. Being shot usually did and she was pregnant, I could only imagine the stress it put on that unborn child and all. I choose to step away and outside, where the couples horses currently were. Least Agent Ross came to his senses and finally let Selina off from it all. Leaving just myself and Asher to deal with Dutch. They loved their daughter and only wanted the best for her, but I felt as though Selina's mother was just a little too hard on her daughter.
"Pa, Momma, stop for a second, I need to talk to John."
I look over to the girl as her parents pause on getting her on a horse. "John." She states before she winces in pain, I narrow my eyes brows in concern before I come closer to the girl. "Mrs. Sanders. What can I do for you?"
"Bring that man back to me safe... Please. I'm beggin' you."
"I will Selina. I promise."
"And kill that son of a bitch, Dutch!" She snaps for a moment with more tears running from her eyes as her mom looks to me to help her on the back of her dad's horse. "We will. I swear to god we will." I state as I help to lift her up and she lets out a small yelp if I could put it into words but she leaned her head against her father's back. She looked so upset, so tired, but also so angry. I could only hope she would be okay as I give that family a little wave. Now, I suppose all I could do was wait for Asher to come to his senses and come back.